This little one has more to say, following on yesterday’s sharing. She has come to me and shown me that she has a strength to offer by allowing us to be the wise and powerful adult that we are. Think of a situation where you gave away your power or allowed someone to shame you. I am recalling a scene where I felt angry and expressed it. The other person involved responded to that anger by describing me as emotionally unhinged, crazy even. Immediately, I collapsed into that little girl who felt ashamed of her feelings. She was told that she was wrong, the feelings were not appropriate. I desired to be a loving person. The tape playing in my mind said a loving person does not express anger. Therefore, I must be unloving. The source of the anger had been deflected by a manipulative move. What if I had instead, taken the hand of my little girl and stood my ground. What if I had expressed her feelings: “This anger has a cause, this is what is not right. This is what is to be addressed.” What if I had refused to wear the suit of shame and brought clarity into the confusion?
By holding the hand of our inner child, we can infuse ourselves with the strength we desire to be. We can be the adult we wished had been there for us during times of trial and pain. We can be the one to scoop up the child and hold them close in an embrace, while dealing in a powerful way with what caused the pain. This may mean letting go of relationships that make us feel less than, feel shamed, feel guilt. It may mean walking away from a situation where your inner child feels unsafe. We have been so entrained to “make nice” that it takes clarity to recognize that we have the freedom and indeed the responsibility to protect ourselves from energies that are not nourishing for us. We are taught to care for others’ feelings before our own. The pleasing center in our brain has been wired to other rather than self.
I am committed to pleasing my little girl, to creating a life and environment where she can thrive. I take full responsibility for myself, for my mistakes. We are often the severest judge of our actions and do not need another to judge us. We are here to support one another. We are to witness with love when we do fall down and pick one another up with tenderness. A child does not learn by punishment but rather by love. When we bring to the surface a place where we made an error, we ask to be met with love. That is what encourages us to be better. If the other meets us with judgment after we have acknowledged our mistake, then we have triggered something in them which is theirs to deal with. We are learning sovereignty, to be aware of what is ours and what belongs to others. So much of what has weighed us down, was never ours. Being sensitives and empaths, we took it on as our own.
As a child, I would step forth to claim responsibility for one of my siblings’ actions. I was protecting the other at the expense of myself. I remember once when my kids were small, I was in the garage when a gust of wind slammed the door. I heard myself say, “I am sorry!” There was no one there, it was an empty space. There was none to blame yet I was ready to take responsibility for the wind!! The words, I am sorry, had become an automatic response for me. That was a watershed moment. The one I lived with, could not say the words, I am sorry nor take responsibility for his actions. He did not have to, as I shouldered it for all. It was all my fault. This was not a kindness to the other nor to myself, as it stifled both of our growth. It took me years to move out from under this condition, that I created, but that garage moment was the first crack in the facade.
How could I have an authentic relationship if I was not willing to show up with all of myself? I hid myself as I did not believe that I was worthy of being cherished. I now desire to be met in my fullness, but that entails, me being my fullness! To have more in life, we must be more of who we truly are. We have been living on a diet of dry toast when buttery, flaky croissants are available. It is time to live large and honor our inner child’s dreams.
Today, make a commitment to your inner child to defend and protect him/her. When you are faced with a situation where you feel unease, grab that child’s hand and stand tall in your knowing of your truth and speak it plainly. There are a hundred subtle ways this presents itself; from attending an event that you are not interested in to please another, to forfeiting your rhythm to match another’s, to listening to gossip about another, to paying more than your share of a bill, it goes on and on. I have done it all as I moved through life other directed and allowed my little girl to continue to feel pain.
That time is passed. In pleasing myself, first and foremost, I show up authentically in my relationships. I delineate what is mine and what is another’s. I am aware of my energy field as well as others, seeing clearly when they are attempting to move into or take energy from mine. We have to be fully in our own containers in order to live harmoniously. We must take responsibility for the wake we create, not assuming others will clear it for us. As we clear our own fields, we clear the planet. We lift a burden from our mother. It is time to take the hand of our inner child and honor that trust by trusting ourselves. Imagine the world we are set to create!