The Gift of January’s Pause

IMG_0873Today is the last day of a very long month, the first step into the energy of 2013. It did not feel like anything I knew, though with so much focus on 2012, my mind did not look into this landscape except to see paradise. In hindsight, I am so appreciative of how uneventful the December dates appeared. The clues where there for me to see as I was guided to be with a very small group of women for 12-12-12 and alone for 12-21-12.  I had thought to be at a large gathering with hordes of others for both dates, celebrating with fireworks and fanfare. Instead, it was an inward event, the joy subdued and subtle but palpable.

I am only now beginning to glean the riches held in the pause of January. The days rolled by in a dreamy fog, melting into one another as I experienced so many physical symptoms that took me down dark, scary holes. I heard that the end of suffering is here, suffering on any level of our being. My body spasmed with acute pain as I was offered the opportunity to walk it all back to love. To feel the illusion collapsing, to hold that knowing in my being alongside the reality that I was experiencing.  Caring for my body, took all my energy as I played with this newly intense sunlight; filling, releasing, and sending its rays streaming across the earth. Creative bubbles floated tantalizing close. As I reached out with my mind to pull them in, their iridescent radiance popped. I lay back down with sticky soap film on my face. My crown chakra tingled and danced with energy that evaporated as a sigh as soon as I opened to it. Everything felt elusive, just out of reach.

I am feeling the harvest of all the disappointment energy that December reaped. All of that was able to be lifted off the planet in one fell swoop. Oh, the angels were glad! We were then left with only trust to keep us warm as it seemed that the dreams of magic were not to be. Each day, my breath, a bellows to fan the flames higher as my body lay integrating the new. I saw myself with an IV drip of my divinity, which I had so boldly claimed, moving into me, drip by drip. I had thought myself ready to swallow it whole but my soul played its parental card and said, “No, too much too fast will leave you scorched.” I begged to differ and asked for a mugful. The response: drip, drip, drip. I jumped up to dance , to move, my mind proclaiming its sovereignty. I have not experienced but have watched folks shuffling down hospital corridors with their IV poles, seems no dancing allowed. As I was rendered once again prone and exhausted, the drip continued its slow, but ceaseless motion. Oh, the wisdom of these bodies! The wisdom of our higher selves, always showing us the short cut home.

Weary angel wondering why, reflecting my mind's energy.

Weary angel wondering why?

I have needed this time to acclimate to the new energies before I can move to play in them. I have had to bank the fires of my trust so that it is a constant flame that warms every moment, every impulse of my heart.  I can hear the roar of the fire of trust that is now blazing in my breast: I am loved, I am cared for, all is well. My mind had to go through its remaining fear programming: “You are not doing anything and it is 2013, get up!! How can you expect to co-create the new world flat on your back?” I had to face hissing, snarling FEAR in my dream space, trusting to the love of my heart to be my sword. I have felt the strength of that love as all melted at its touch, like the wicked witch of the west, dissolving in the mists. Fear is an illusion that has held us captive for so long. We are adults now, we can pull back the curtain and discover that it was only the old man, Oz, who was behind it all.

We have been through a tempering process as the flames of our experiences have begun  to transform us into molten gold. The liquidlovelight of my dreams, at last, pouring in.  We have been asked to grow up, to shoulder our responsibility to self. to get clear about what we want. Our thoughts are so rapidly becoming things that we have to be conscious of those thoughts. We have to know that all that is needed is inside of each of us, no outside sources trumping our own heart wisdom. We have had to walk old issues and relationships, down the road to love, releasing them to their higher self, trusting that they are perfectly cared for, as are we. I am learning to let go of judging the path of another and trusting that what presents itself, is that soul’s manifestation of experience that is their fast track home. Surrendering our playing God for another as well as dictating to God what tune to play in our heart, undoes the programming.  Allowing God to breathe the notes of our soul’s song into the flute of our hearts is walking our way to home.

My youngest son had a bout of the flu as did so many. After resistance, anger, and a bit of berating himself, he surrendered to it. Afterwards he said that he was grateful for the time it allowed him to think and dream. He was given a new vision of how to walk in his life. He saw all of his desires, the goodness meant for him, sitting ahead in the stream. He had been pushing to get to it, trying so hard in each endeavor, wanting to do it perfectly.  He realized that he was only asked to surrender and float down the stream. He would be brought to it in perfect timing and without fail as the water always flowed downstream. In his trusting in the abundance of the Creator’s love, all abundance flows in. Our minds can say, that is not how it works in the “real” world but it begins with my heart trusting, then yours, until all hearts know that we are the beloveds of our Mother/Father and their hearts’ desire is to give us, ours. Our streams converge and we will find ourselves playing together in the ocean of love.

This is the gift of January for all of us spiritual bungee jumpers (someone once called me that). Do we truly know that God loves us and cares for us on every level? Have we surrendered fully to the flow and placed our trust in divine timing? Do we have to spell out the particulars of what our Christmas list looks like or do we know that the Creator hears the feeling tone that we put out and answers in kind. Can we let go of our expectation of the hows, whens, whys of it all and trust what shows up, knowing it to be the perfect nourishment for our day?. Can we know ourselves good enough, worthy to receive this love? Can we drop in and allow our hearts to lead us, trusting the pause time to be as valuable as the times of action? Trusting that we are always in our perfect place at the perfect time. That we are not missing anything if we follow the clues of our heart.

IMGP4415I feel the winds of February bringing the scent of spring, of flowering anew, of expansion and rapid growth. My IV is still dripping with the essence of my divinity and I trust that the process will be complete when I hear the call to make a move. In this knowing, I am trusting each one of you to heed that call and trust the path where you are led, whether it be to sleep or create or dream in this moment. Open to it fully, licking the last bit of sweetness from each moment before letting it pass. Each moment fully embraced frees us to be present for the next….and the next, each experienced as the perfection of the now. I love you so.


Ascension Symptoms Update, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Oh joy, I can feel the light!

Oh joy, I can feel the light!

Whew, this morning I awoke to joy. Yes, JOY after hitting a wall that left me desiring only to be done with this reality. I am hearing from so many who are in this place of great despair. Hold on! I would like to throw out a life line to each one of you. It is darkest before the dawn……we have all heard that but are now truly living it. We have done so much internal work, cleared out the debris, emotionally from our hearts and mentally from our minds. We have identified limiting beliefs and chucked them overboard. We have forgiven and ho’oponoponoed till the cows come home. We have let go of everything over and over, people, possessions, titles, roles and homes. We have been ridiculed, called the devil, acted as the wall for others to throw darkness upon. Stripped bare, we stand naked upon a lonely shore.

We have landed in some kind of teenage hell where our emotions are in overdrive, bliss one moment to be followed by long stretches of nothingness dipping into utter despair. We sweat all night, waking up reeking. My God, I smell like a teenage boys’ locker room! I have to air out my bedroom and change my sweaty sheets and wash pjs. Toxic emissions are pouring out of me. I am either freezing cold or else sweat is running down my face. This is worse than the menopausal times. I cry at anything, can feel irritation from a sound, a fabric, a smell. My body is hypersensitive, trying to find some way to idle at neutral. The top of my head feels like someone spends nights dancing on it with cobbled shoes. My neck and lower back feel broken at times. Literally, as if they could not possibly come back together. My legs run highly charged electricity through to the earth in continuous streams that ache. How anyone manages to hold down a job through all of this, is beyond me. My hats are off to you and I hold you in my prayers each day. It takes all of me to do what I do as my service to this earth.

I feel and look ancient, like a crone and yet other times, I see my reflection and my eyes are so full of light they look like stars. The fatigue that will not quit and seems to have been part of my life forever, is emotionally debilitating. Doing is somewhere on a cloud, out of reach, while I lie on my back and watch it float by. Memory is a thing of the past, I cannot recall what I did an hour ago, no less last week. I can disappear into no time for hours on end. Dreamy, spacey, not here nor anywhere, simply gone. Nausea makes eating a challenge as nothing tastes good or satisfying. Everything that once brought joy, holds no charge at all. I want to spit it all out! I feel like one of my children when they were toddlers in a cranky mood. Offered different activities; “Would you like to color? NO! How about playing with clay? NO! Let’s bake cookies. I HATE cookies!’ (when of course, up until this moment you loved cookies). I need the parent to come trundle me into bed and sit and smooth the hair back from my brow, murmuring endearments. Can I simply fall asleep and wake up when it is all over and the new earth is firmly landed in?  My heart cries, enough, enough already, get me off this merry go round!

Wash away my weariness, dear undines of the water.

Wash away my weariness, dear undines of the water.

As a collective, we are moving into unity consciousness. We are feeling everyone in a deeper way. Our hearts have exploded, shattered into a million pieces,  each containing the former capacity of the whole. We are amazing creatures to have signed on for this ride. To have said yes to attempting to move a carbon based dense body into a crystalline one that floats on air. Magicians are we. I celebrate each one of you as well as myself. The road will be easier for our brothers and sisters who follow, after all this heavy clearing work that we have done. The only thing that keeps our heads above water is TRUST. It sits like a jewel in our hearts and its glow is a lamp that we are drawn to over and over in order to see our way forward. Hold on, warriors of the heart. We are almost there. We have read channelings for ages and want to spit it all out. So tired of hearing, soon, almost, nearly there……like a child we can feel betrayed by the never ending litany of platitudes. It is time to throw a temper tantrum and state, I won’t take this anymore!!!

Glory of God moments fill my heart.

Glory of God moments fill my heart.

After we thoroughly exhaust ourselves, lying spent with our hair wild about us, tears staining our face……we take a breath. We look about and if we are fortunate, we make the choice to see with new eyes. This is an internal work, a shift of perception that we are asked to make. We are the vision keepers so while all this physical morphing is taking place, we are asked to see the new earth as if it were here. We are asked to be the child with the wild imagination who sits down to tea with our fairy friends. We are asked to allow the ribbons of our heartlight to embrace every soul on the planet, weaving the new tapestry of love that enfolds, nurtures, enlivens all. We are asked to see the beauty in the depravity of human nature and bring it back to the reality of love. We are asked to do the unimaginable. The amazing thing is., that we are doing it! We knew that we were stars, come to bring our great light to this dear beloved planet. Oh, how we love her! To bring our love to each man, woman and child, knowing them as us. Holding each one so tenderly in our hearts as we hold that immaculate concept for each one. Oh, the agony and the ecstasy of this time! Millions asked for this assignment and only a few were chosen. I am honored to be in your company. My heart bows before each of yours. Espavo! Thank you for taking your power, for walking the fierce fire walk that is this third dimensional life. Our victory is assured. We are making it. My heart tells me that over and over. I know. I simply know that love is a force like no other and that all melts before its light. God bless us all.

The Power of Witnessing One Another


Scribbling with pastels in an attempt to release some of this confusion energy.

Scribbling with pastels in an attempt to release some of this confusion energy.

Yesterday I was in pain. My head felt like a bowling ball that I was loathe to lift. Nausea came in waves. My right hip ached and shot arrows of fire down my leg. I felt weary to the bone with energetic upgrades, isolation, my small world, my sensitivity to every external stimulus as if it were a snare drum blasting me. Blasted open is what I am. Raw and sore with no idea how to move. I lie in the patch of sunlight streaming in and sang out my frustration. It was low and guttural, then high, my mouth stretched in strange shapes. This body felt like sandbags of lead were strapped on all over. Maybe I am Gulliver, pinned to the earth by a thousand tiny threads. When will I awaken from this dream?

My heart feels and knows that there are miracles ahead, that the land of my dreams is being created at this very moment. But I cannot touch it. My son calls and asks how I am . The tears fall freely then. Amazing how the sound of love and caring can undo us in a moment. I felt that I was in a deep trench in the earth, curled up in the mud and he came and sat beside me with his strong love. There is enormous power in this witnessing. I have been asked to do that for a few friends of late and realized that I want to be clearer in this. I tend to bring in the voice of my story, my emotions when what is required is being this silent field of love. I know that I can do this. Oh my,  to be held in that space is wondrous. There may be tears, raging, words tumbling about…….all being expelled to uncover the kernals of truth that are sitting in the depths of our being. It is difficult to access these on our own. We are a tribal peoples, we need others to sit with us in our pain, our joy, our humanness.

I rewatched a movie recently, Lars and the Real Girl, (netflix instant movie if you are interestedand in one scene when the young man is in despair as his “real girl” is very ill, the women of the village show up with casseroles and their knitting. They tell him that they have come to “sit” with him, that that is what folks do in times of trouble. I was so struck by that. It is the energy we want to create in our new world. Love that supports without judgment of another, seeing and holding each other in such tenderness. Every person treasured for the unique gift that they bring.

I went to get groceries and this bright bouquet was the food my heart craved.

I went to get groceries and this bright bouquet was the food my heart craved.

My son allowed me to release the pent up frustration of this void space so many of us have been in. A spurt of creativity flows and I feel the excitement, only to have it flee as quickly as I assemble my art supplies and begin to paint. I feel tired of everything I have ever been, ever done. Old, old. There is no energy to move forward and nothing worth striving for. There is only the heart to anchor in to.  There is nothing of the old that can be brought to the new. There is only feeling each moment fully so that is does not have to circle around once again to be experienced.

A moment of pure joy hit me as I felt myself as the sun and witnessed it exploding in my chest. Oh, I am that! Love, unfiltered, flowed like wine in my veins, drink me, it said. Liquidlovelight is an elixir that makes me feel dozy, dreamy, delicious.

We are on the extreme ride, terrifying anxiety one moment, waves of nausea threaten to overwhelm us, followed by shocking jolts of joy as this roller coaster of a life moves deeper into the new energies of home. I am grateful that I am not alone. Grateful for your witnessing of my ups and downs and turnarounds. Today, my head is lighter yet confusion reigns. Sitting with it, allowing it breathing space. That is all I know. To witness myself without judgment and thank God, sometimes with a great deal of mirth.







Living My Truth

Allowing the stream of life to flow through me without resistance, is so freeing!

Allowing the stream of life to flow through me without resistance, is so freeing!

I am engaging in an interesting experiment. I am presently sharing a house with my former hubby, now dear friend, as well as my sons. Most of the time I am alone. Former hubby spends weekends out of town with his girlfriend and her son, and has commitments on all but one night that he is here. My elder son alternates his time between here and his girlfriend’s place and my younger son makes occasional trips home from the Bay area when he needs respite from the urban life. (My daughter continues to add her love from her current home in New Zealand). We are all committed to living our truth and respecting one another’s space. We have long past cut all energetic cords of mother-child, husband-wife, sibling-sibling. Believe me, cord cutting is powerful and was felt strongly by all when we did it. We share love and honoring for one another and act as mirrors, reflecting the highest vision of one another. We have let go of the old stories of pain and suffering and come full circle to a place of supportive love. I am so proud of each of us for committing to our own growth and walking our way back to the love that has always been the light of our family unit. It has been a mighty work of alchemy.

As my sons are in and out, we are desiring to live here as if we were each alone. Enjoying the times where we come together, but staying true to the movement of our heart’s impulses. The house has its own energetic patterns from fifteen or so years of the raising of the family. There were some heavy patterns from the years where the marriage was a crucible of pain and separation. There were the imprints of truth not spoken, the confusion  of duplicity, rage flaring only to hide undercover in shame as well as patterns of control where I worked to keep all as I thought it should be. An amazing amount of my energy was caught up in trying to keep everyone happy…….of course, that meant attempting to control others to do as I thought best for their happiness. It was ironic that when I finally left the marriage, I had no idea what made me happy though I knew what did for the other four. Fortunately, we have all worked to allow those patterns to dissolve and change. There is a deep peace that permeates the place now and a sense of sanctuary that offers nourishment. I am so appreciative of my former spouse for maintaining this home for us all. It sat mostly empty for years but has come alive again in a new way.

We each have our own patterns and they change day by day, moment by moment, like the clouds.

We each have our own patterns and they change day by day, moment by moment, like the clouds.

It takes presence to be true to one’s inner landscape and allow it expression. We are learning to allow each one our own rhythm by flowing in what is our truth of the moment. That means that if I want to cook, I do so for myself, at the moment the desire is there. I may ask if others desire to join me or not, depending upon my mood.  If I do not feel like doing dishes, I don’t, leaving them until I or another feels drawn to washing. Trusting that all balances as we only do what gives us joy in the moment, doing no thing out of duty but rather desire. We laugh at how ingrained is the pattern to put off an impulse that arises, thinking to get to it at another time that will work better. We are programmed to put off joy and creativity until the “work” is done. But time has a way of disappearing and I do not get out to the hot tub as I planned or the sun sank before the walk could take place. So we are living our experiment with presence, with following where our hearts lead. I just went into the kitchen, intending to leave my glass and plate in the sink with the other accumulated dishes till the morrow. Instead, I felt the movement to wash and clean the area. A minute before I did not know I would do that, but here I was washing dishes with joy. So much is timing, by allowing myself to flow with it, things get done with ease. Each moment gives rise to the next movement.

It has been a challenge to my nurturing, mothering nature to feel into where I am in old patterns of behavior or being true to my heart’s desire. I discovered that I do love moments of caring for others,  as nurturing is part of the flame I embody. I have also discovered delight in receiving as someone makes me food or folds my clothes or restocks the wood by the fireplace. It takes presence to discern the well from which my impulses are arising; the old co-dependency patterns, the giver/martyr pattern or from my inner joy. Choosing to be authentic in each moment means some things do not get done and that is as it is for now. We accept that. There is no assigning of tasks nor judgment of what each one chooses to do or not do.

Gently flowing, river of peace.

Gently flowing, river of peace.

This new way requires non-attachment. If I desire companionship to do an activity, I have to be ready to go alone if no other has that as their desire in the moment or seek a new companion.  If I want to talk and another does not, I have to trust the perfect time will arise. The old laying on of guilt to achieve my desires is past. We find as those moments of sharing appear, they have a sweetness to them. Without planning, it feels richer, quieter and more nourishing. We honor one another and are sensitive to close doors, talk on our phones away from others, call if anything is needed if we are at the store, all allowing breathing room. This was a part of our former family life but there is a newness to it as we come from a place of greater truth and authenticity.  In the old life, I would have left whatever I was doing, to do for another at any moment. My own needs abandoned to tend to another’s. No one asked that of me but it was the role I chose to play. Thank God, I abandoned that role and all roles. Now I honor my flow and my needs first and foremost, knowing that is a gift to all around me. Knowing that we are each following our own prompting, eliminates any need to wonder if someone is alright. All the gymnastics my mind used to go through in making assumptions about the meaning behind another’s behavior, are disappearing. There is such delicious freedom when we attend to our own happiness! We free all others from having to think or concern themselves with us and we are freed in the same way from concern for them. We trust each other to speak up when there is an issue, directly and clearly to whomever is involved. Trusting ourselves fully and trusting others to do the same, brings such clarity. We are maturing which is a cause for celebration. We are understanding what it is to be a healthy adult, fully responsible for the world that we inhabit. By taking ownership for the wake that we leave behind, we allow all access to the beauty at hand.  We are in the process of honing this inner freedom, understanding the need for clear boundaries, trusting each other to be true to self, knowing that what is in my highest good cannot conflict with your highest good. As you are me, and I you.  We are co-creating a world that I have dreamt of living in. And we are doing it right now!


Honor Thyself

I want to flow like the sunlight along the water's edge, shining and reflecting lovelight.

I want to flow like the sunlight along the water’s edge, shining and reflecting lovelight.

As I move more fully into the space of honoring myself, I am called to witness this process in others. The belief in the sanctity of family is strongly embedded in our society, stemming perhaps from the commandment: honor thy mother and thy father. We were taught that this applied to the parents who gave us birth.  I have moved to an understanding that it applies to my Mother/Father God and honor them, I do. I am a part of God so to truly honor God, I must honor myself.

How many of us have lived under a lifetime of criticism and judgement from a parent or a sibling? How many of us have been lied to or held to a bond a family secret? How many dread the duty phone call to a parent, the holiday gathering time, the visits that leave one feeling depleted? We have been taught that we must endure this in the name of honoring. But who are we honoring when we allow someone to mistreat us? As children, we did not have the freedom to step away. As adults, we have the freedom to set a boundary as to how we will be treated. In not setting that boundary, we give others permission to continue in the same old patterns. Everyone stays locked into an old story. We assume that we must put up with it because that is what honoring means. Yet, there is no freedom for anyone in this arrangement. Life is about change and growth.  When I set a boundary stating that I will no longer be mistreated, I gift the other with the freedom of a new response. They can choose to change their behavior and enjoy the relationship from a place of honoring or they can choose to have no relationship. All choices are valid.

Six year old self, already called the little mother, taking on the responsibility of the other five kids. How dear is she?

Six year old self, already called the little mother, taking on the responsibility of the other five kids. How dear is she?

My life changed when I took the hand of my inner child, and vowed to never abandon her again. I became the adult who stood up to an abusive parent, sibling, friend and boss, in defense of that little girl who was mistreated.  I had to earn her trust by setting boundaries that allowed her to feel safe. I demonstrated that there was no one more important in my life,  by honoring her needs first and foremost. All have a wounded inner child, who seeks love and nurturing. We are the only ones who can give that to ourselves. We may have others in our lives who reflect love to us, but no one can gift us with what we need to feel whole, except ourselves. Others may come and go in our lives, but we are the constant. We are the ones who can tap into that well of loving that awaits us in our hearts from our Mother/Father God.

We make assumptions about others, about how they will react when given the chance to choose a new response. We may be adults in our sixties, still cowering in front of a domineering mother like the frightened five year old we once were. We subscribe to a false belief that we must endure it, allowing the parent to continue a destructive pattern. By setting boundaries, the parent is gifted with an opportunity to bring forth more of the nobility of their soul rather than running the same low vibrational tone. Another belief is that old age means one cannot change. How limiting is that? How many old folks on their deathbeds, reverse their cynicism, express regret for their non-loving ways, reveal a family secret that had been burdening their soul? Our souls want to come clean, to be the shining stars that we all truly are. Truth spoken plainly is freeing for all involved. By allowing others to continue in destructive patterns towards us, we hold a responsibility for keeping those patterns intact.

Honoring ourselves can bring sunflowery joy to our hearts!

Honoring ourselves can bring sunflowery joy to our hearts!

I recall visiting my grandfather who had become more miserable with age after my grandmother died. I would go spend weekends with him, bringing groceries and cooking meals. I recall him yelling at me. I looked him in the eye and said, “Gramps, stop it. I am one of the very few who even comes near you as you have become so miserable. You have driven everyone away with your meanness. You are fortunate to have me so be nice or I will not be back.” He began to laugh and said, “You are right, I will stop.” And he did. When his health gave out and he had to be moved to a nursing home, he told me one day that he was afraid to meet his maker. I asked him why. He said that he had not treated my grandmother very well. I agreed that he had not and asked why. We spoke plainly about it which was a relief to him. The next time I visited, he told me that he had finally made peace with the Lord. He died the next day and I knew it was because he had asked for forgiveness and found peace at last.

I love the way this tree invited me in, to see the beauty there. That is the invitation that our hearts offer in each moment.

I love the way this tree invited me in, to see the beauty there. That is the invitation that our hearts offer in each moment.

It does not mean it all turns up roses. Some will choose to stay stuck and you will have to  release them from your world. But you have done them a service by demonstrating that their behavior is not acceptable. They will have to ponder that which may bring them to an awakening somewhere down the road……or not. We are called to honor ourselves and be unattached as to how others react to our honoring. If little Linda can skip merrily at my side, without feeling a need to hide or cry out in pain…then I am doing my job in allowing her to live with a knowing that the world is a safe and magical place to be. Imagine if we each did this, spoke our truth and lived by it. Our interactions would be cleaner and clearer, with less hooks and cordings between us and more love. We are not meant to live enmeshed with one another, as that involves a loss of freedom. We are freedom lovers and by granting freedom to ourselves to be honored and cherished in life, we grant it to others. It is a win-win world. We may have to redefine what the win looks like but we will feel it in our hearts. To not have a relationship with a parent may appear a loss yet feel liberating. Freedom can be scary when we first feel its breath on our faces. I have watched friends continue to go back for more brow beating, more mistreatment, thinking if they only gave more or offered themselves in a different package, then the acceptance and love would come. I did it for years until the rut grew too deep and my soul cried out for freedom. Respect will not follow from allowing another to disrepect you. it is time to honor ourselves and in doing so, honor one another. We have a responsibility to call out the best in ourselves and one another. We are currently writing the script for a new world, one where all feel safe and know that they are loved unconditionally. How can you play your part if you are not offering this love to yourself? This new earth begins within each of our hearts. How we treat ourselves, is how we create our world. So take your little one’s hand and make a vow to  treat her/him with the upmost respect, to cherish her/him with the greatest of love and to speak your truth at all times, without regard to the cost. In so doing, we are set to co-create a world of love and freedoms unimagined!

The Art of the Pause

A soul collage card I made that expresses the opening to this well of peace.

A soul collage card I made that expresses the opening to this well of peace. Do you see the face that is looking deep inside? It appeared when i flipped the image over.

I am learning the art of the pause. In the old energies of duality, we reacted with either/or to situations. We labeled things; good/bad, wonderful/awful, like/dislike. I am learning to pause, to allow a range of new possibilities to arise. I have discovered a deep well of peace that I can drink from in any moment. I can go to this well and pull up all manner of responses that are expansions of the original energy. I am finding this change in myself  liberating. Instead of my old habit of reaching out when I faced with discomfort, I go inside. I go quiet and still. I allow the energy space. This allows movement. As it comes from within, there is a strengthening of my core, of my knowing. Each experience, leaves me stronger in my trust of self, my trust in my own divinity to light the way forward. I spent years seeking others’ advice on the who or what of me. There was a certain thrill in hearing about myself.  That pales to the knowing that floods me as my own mastery arises to meet any situation.

 I am learning to allow others this pause. To not jump in with my powerful creative self that immediately seizes upon ten ideas to shift the situation. Rather to offer a field of possibilities that emanates as love, as I listen with a quiet heart, giving time for each to find their own answers. This new me, listens and reflects love. I find this applies to knowing when to answer a phone call or respond to a message. My heart is informing me when it is better to wait before responding, allowing the person to move through their own process and discover their own knowing unaided. I want to witness others discovering their own truth rather than keep them returning to me for support. As I step more fully into embodying peace, I am called more frequently into this heart listening with others. I am letting go of holding someone’s hand to being more of a field of reflection of their own truth. I have found myself moving away when someone wants continuous feeding as they chose to stay in a place of discontent and complaining energies. (I know this territory as I lived in it until I grew tired of my own story). My discernment is showing me when it is important to be present as the person is ripe for a shift and asks only to be witnessed in it. This is the gift we offer to one another when we arrive at shift points, the gift of presence.  I am shown as well, when my energy is better used in stillness as I connect to the collective field rather than an individual. I can feel more clearly where the greatest good for myself and all lies.

This maidenhair fern found a home in a favorite pot. It is part of my well, nourishing my soul.

This maidenhair fern found a home in a favorite pot. It is part of my well, nourishing my soul.

I am learning the importance of boundaries. I do not draw from the well for others when I am in the process of filling my own bucket. When I am full, the art of presence is available to others and flows from me with joy. When I am empty, giving comes with a cost that I no longer am willing to pay in any area of my life. I chose to sit in my messy bedroom until the energy flows with joy to do the cleaning. I rest when my body calls for sleep without regard to time of day. I am honoring the wisdom of my body, of my feelings, of my heart. We can each step into this by choosing to do only that which is necessary and supportive of our beings. The more I simplify my life, the easier it is. I live a very small life in many ways. This has been exactly what I have required in order to discover this well of peace. My days flow in solitude and stillness with occasional bursts of activity and communication. I move with the expansion/contraction waves in a fluid rhythm where once I pushed and pulled at life. I allow myself to experience the benefits of the current carrying me forward. I emanate a field of gratitude with each breath. I was born to this time and my heart sings its tune of joy. No more waiting, no more yearning, no more expectations. Meeting all that arises in my world, with a peaceful and open heart. Thus we create that world of peace and love. We are that powerful!




Death and Crystal Skulls

An angel that has been with me for a long time, she speaks to me of grace and peace.

An angel that has been with me for a long time, she speaks to me of grace and peace.

The current energies are helping us to stay out of our mind and land in more securely in our hearts. There was a deep pause at the end of December which induced a semi-sleep state in many of us.  The new year opened with all kinds of clearing. My whole family went through a death experience that was powerful. Energies converged with my my older son that led to his voicing how tenuous his hold in this world was. Suicide was mentioned in passing that sent the experience right through my core as well as his dad’s. I understood this as there was a field of darkness kicked up by the intense love that had been released on the solstice. Suicide energies were enlivened and were seeking hosts. LIghtworkers had been holding on by a thread, seeking the relief of the solstice energies, which did not manifest in the way many “thought” they would. It was the dark night before the dawn of change and it served to release a huge bubble of disappointment, despair, anger and frustration from the planet. Not easy nor pretty to be in. Like a knife in the heart, it moved through me with a shudder and sobs, clean and swift. For my former husband, it was a drawn out wail that took him deep into his own fears. All perfect to each one.

At the same time, my younger son ended a relationship and was experiencing physical and emotional heart pains that were intense. Then my daughter called from New Zealand to relate her experience of being the first to happen upon a road accident. She and her partner stopped to help despite running late for a wedding. Needless to say, they missed the wedding ceremony. My daughter stayed with the three folks in their van which was smoking, having hit a tree.  Her partner went to find help and cell phone reception to call for an ambulance. It took 45 minutes for aid to arrive. In that time, my daughter followed her intuition and called upon her first aid training from years as a lifeguard to help the woman who was most injured. She made a neck brace with her body and was able to clear her air passages. She encouraged the unconscious woman to breathe and kept assuring her that she was ok and cared for. Upon his return, her partner made sure that my daughter spoke with the medical personnel after all were cared for. She learned that she had done everything as they would have, her intuition had been right. The woman, an Israeli tourist, ended up dying. So death visited our family in a gale force wind that released those layers from our beings. Intense and liberating. We were left with immense gratitude and a heightened appreciation for this experience on earth.

IMG_2452Shortly after this, I was invited to meet a crystal skull named Marie. Due to my Mother Mary connection, the name called to me. I held an aversion for skulls, retreating when I saw skull and crossbones imagery. I had heard of the crystal skulls on the planet, coming to aid our expansion at this time. I opened myself to the experience, following the tug that Marie was causing in my heart. I love crystal bowls and have come to know them as beings that each have their own energies and gifts. I recognize the beings in trees and rocks and plants. This was another opening into the many beings that populate our world.

I had recently undergone a journey into the underworld with my back spasms. I was shown how my experience was helping to lift all physical suffering from this plane. Marie wanted to lie next to my back. She took it a step further. I sobbed from the depths of my being as I connected to the suffering. She said, “This time is coming to a close. Suffering is no longer needed to evolve and learn. Joy will be the new pathway for evolution.” She then instructed me to turn over and cradle her to my heart (she is big, 39 lbs of crystal). I then began to sing with her. She does indeed bring the Mother Mary energies of love. I felt cradled and held. I have worked with her a couple more times, knowing she amplifies my heart energy in a new way. I will continue to play with her in the times to come.

IMG_2471There was a release of creative energy that came in after the death clearing. It energized me, bringing the idea of a book and art to the fore once again. Followed quickly by the deep sleep! I am learning to ride these waves. To see how to open myself fully to the creative energies when they arise but not attach when they just as rapidly, depart. The trick is to not allow disappointment or self judgment to enter in but trust the process and stay with what is true in the moment.  I am now in a sleepy phase, moving as though encased in molasses, the simplest of activities can feel like mountain climbing. To care for my physical needs, takes everything I have. Flashes of energy move through at times, some as visions that I feed with my heartlight, some bringing movement in the physical. I am discovering how to surrender and trust at all times. Knowing my higher self is directing this movement for my highest good. My mind can feel distress when there seems no action towards a goal but my heart is skipping in the flames of joy, knowing all is well. I am discovering that the old thoughts move through like a gentle breeze that floats them away as I open to feel every feeling fully. There is no longer any attachment so they move on and I am left in my heartlight. The old energies simply will not hold any longer…….hallejuah!


What is Your Greatest Expression on This Planet?

Arranging berries and leaves gave me great joy, informing my expression.

Arranging berries and leaves gave me great joy, informing my expression.

Today I shared a watershed moment with a dear friend. We both felt the movement to embodying the greatest expression of ourselves. So many new aspects of our divinity have landed in of late and are asking for expression. What is the gift that I came to give? What is  my highest truth? What is being called forth in this now moment? As we played with these questions, my heart answered. Has yours?

It may surprise you that your gift is not what you perceived it to be up until now. It may not be what you presently do for your occupation. It may, like mine, have no definable label. We are talented in so many ways, we each came laden with a host of gifts to offer this world. But what I am talking about is what is calling to you now? What is asking to be emanated to the world through your unique flame? I am being called to focus my heart light on this one thing, this one expression. When you voice it, the tears may come as they did for me. It is so deep and powerful. We are being asked to dare to dig deep and uncover this deepest desire of our heart and bring it to the light of day. To not diffuse it with judgment (How can I claim to be an artist when there are so many great ones in the world?, How can my love of flowers be of note in the scheme of things?) We have to turn off the old records that warn us: “Watch out, you may experience disappointment, you know how painful that can be. You may fail, it is better to play it safe, and be comfortable in the groove you have worn.” Silence those voices with a stern: “No! I am no longer listening. I am tuning my dial to my heart and that is the voice that I shall heed. That is the song that I shall sing. ” Our hearts speak in a tone of love, gentleness, and encouragement. Drink that in deep. Let go of complaining about anything or anyone. Let go of the critic in your head. Let go of the idea of suffering. Let go of your old stories. Let go of excuses as to why you can’t. Let go of all that no longer serves your expression of your gift. Be that habits, people, activities. Stand in your truth. Feel into it, moment by moment. There is no road map, that is exactly what makes this time so exciting!

2013 is the year of creation and community. We are the rainbow tribe. How can we co-create this new earth if you do not bring your gift to the table? We are weaving the tapestry of this new world and new human. We need your particular color of thread, the texture you bring to create the beauty that is us. I am a weaver of heartlights. My work needs yours in order to create. We are all interconnected. We feed one another with our essence.

My friend is desiring to dance her dance, the dance that encompasses all of her flames. Her dancing changes the world with its beauty. She dances with life, her every movement in the world, informing the dance that is continually birthed. This is her passion, her gift to the world. Mine is not so definable but it came through loud and clear. I am to be the mother’s light, to be the heart that holds the octaves of sound, allowing the love to infuse the deeper tones and move them into higher registers of light. I am to be the lighthouse of love, of neutrality that embraces all frequencies that exist. To be the breast that the sobbing child flings itself upon, the smile that offers soft encouragement, the eye that sees truth when one rails against the world.

Our pods being drawn together like this group of rocks, singing our tones.

Our pods being drawn together like this group of rocks, singing our tones.

This expression is the thing that you do with no thought. It is natural for you, it moves  you with grace. This is not to say that it is easy. It asks of you total focus. It asks to be embodied each moment of every day. It is the lover you wish to shine for, it calls out what you knew not you had in you. It asks for me to be the divine human that I am. As we each embody this essence, it acts as a beacon. Each heart sends out its tone that draws to it, like a moth to a flame, all others who carry a resonate tone. This is how we discover our soul family and how we will be met by our other half who carries the same tone. Can you imagine the joy of finally being met on every level of your being? That time is arriving at our shores. By becoming our truth, so fully breathing it in the world, we are putting out the call. We are calling to all those who speak our language of light. Our tribes will come together, creating communities focused on central themes. We will play in the co-creative energies and rest deeply in the love shared.

Life is a symphony waiting to be played, movement by movement, note by note. All comes into harmony in the most glorious sound that fills the heavens. It is time to play our notes with all that we have. Our Creator stands, baton in hand, to conduct the song of the new earth.


Filling Myself With Light

IMG_2496 I felt such a shift in the energies the past couple of days. I slept for most of one day, pulled under over and over again. I was a cat on the floor, following the sun shining in the back glass doors with my pillow and blanket. I was close to the warmth of the fire, getting up every now and again to throw on another log, fetch a glass of water, take a bathroom break,  and move my pillow up a bit so the sun was on my face. I knew that my job was to fill myself up with as much light as I could. I did venture outside to sit for a bit, wrapped in a warm sweater but the elements were too extreme for the way I was feeling. I was a tender babe, needing the utmost comfort. It felt like all I could do to maintain this routine throughout the day. Breathe in light, radiate it to the earth and out to the grid. Over and over. I was a battery being charged. I was birthing a sun in me.

The day before I had participated in a healing of a young woman who had suffered a great deal of abuse in some of the imaginative ways the divine feminine has been defiled. She carried an entity that needed to be released back to the light. That was interesting as the energy was so different from my former dealings with entities. I no longer held any negative judgment towards the entity, rather saw it as something that had become stuck in an old pattern and needed a loving hand to assist its movement forward. We acknowledged the role it had played for this woman, thanked it and sent it on its way with love. It moved with ease and gratitude back to its rightful home. My friend’s crystal bowls do amazing work in clearing so much from the body and energy fields. We added sound which aids in the movement. This woman was so full of light. She had endured much in her young life, and was ready to turn it all into a new story of love and strength. What amazing souls are on this planet! She came to do huge work and it was lovely to be able to acknowledge that for her and reassure her that the pain was now past. It will never be as hard, as dense again. We are creating a world that will be safe for women and children. It is coming by the choices we each make to flood all with love.

If we can create places of safety that this deer enjoys in the nature center where I walk, we can create a world that is safe for women and children. In fact, for all sentient beings!

I was shown how all that comes in my field now is for the collective. We truly are becoming one. I can listen dispassionately to tales at the denser end of the spectrum and hold it all in a space that allows the love to be reborn. I was lying on the floor, filling myself with light to send into all the places that this young woman had highlighted for me. She opened a river of experience that was ripe for transformation. I could feel this frequency clearly from her and was able to ride into that field of energy with my liquidlovelight. What a gift. It demands all of my attention and a focused intention to hold a container that allows love to weave its magic threads. It creates such a healing fabric, a soft pink blanket of peace. To wrap the perpetrators as well as the ones we would label victims in the old vocabulary. Now, we know that all are co-creators, choosing to experience dense energies in order to transform them. The ones who commit the acts of abuse are so in need of the power of love and on a soul level have volunteered to play out this darker role. I blessed them all for their service to the collective. As we clear our energy fields of all hatred, pain, anger, worry, frustration and so much more, we make these darker roles obsolete. When we no longer carry any of this violence and hatred in our fields, peace will flood the land.

IMG_2512The underpinnings of the old earth have been swept away as this great surge of love has anchored into and on the planet. What remains is held in place by our attention to it. It appears solid yet it is as ephemeral as smoke. As we wean ourselves from the lower vibrations and the matrix reality we have lived in, it will collapse. There is no fixing the old systems, as they provide no worthy foundation to build upon. We are tasked with creating the new by our dreaming, our intention and our focused attention on what we desire. Whatever we focus on, is what we choose to have grow. We are entering a time of great freedom and joy. With it comes great responsibility. Our thoughts are creative, each word spoken a vessel of energy. It is a time to chose and act wisely. Everything done in love, creates a field of love. We can wash our dishes in a state of love,  pay for what we need in a state of gratitude for the abundance in our lives, thank our mother for each drink of water and bite of food that her ground has grown.  Each thought of love, each word spoken in kindness, each action of compassion, creates our new earth. This is what we came to do and the time has truly arrived. There is no more waiting. Let us begin.


The Flu or an Upgrade?

A rock being someone created, looking pretty happy with his body!

Many around me have had the flu which brought the whole idea of illness front and center in my thoughts. I realized that my perspective has undergone a shift as I no longer resonate with the words illness, sickness, disease. I looked up illness and found this definition:  illness n

1. a disease or indisposition; sickness
2. a state of ill health
3. Obsolete wickedness

I found the obsolete definition interesting. Wickedness……is our body wicked for calling our attention to something?  I no longer choose to see through this particular lens. Everything is energy which is open to our interpretation. How we view it, makes a difference in how we experience it. If I feel ill and see it as something someone gave to me or I caught or as an expression of bad luck, I add the dense energy of victimhood to the experience. If I feel symptoms but see them as my body being upgraded to a lighter frequency or clearing out of old stagnant energies (the flu does this so well), then I am adding a positive feel to my experience. I see it as my body taking care of me, helping me to move with more ease in my life. I bless her rather than berate her. This may seem subtle, but truly this shift in attitude changes the entire experience. We all know people who have had serious illnesses, who later viewed them as their greatest blessings. What if we had that attitude from the beginning?

What if an illness was viewed as a time of checking in, rather than a time of checking out of your normal life? Whether you have a cold or throat cancer, your body is calling to you to check in. It wants you to remember what you know, it is asking you to discover if your outer life still fits. What needs tweaking? What is asking for attention? What needs to change? Often it is a signal to slow down and rest. In our fast paced world, it is an accepted way to get off the treadmill. In fact, it is often the only way to take a time out. I can recall a period in my life when I was working and raising teenagers when I fantasized about being a lady of prior times who had to go away due to a case of the “nerves”. In the novels I read, they went to beautiful sanatoriums where you were wheeled out onto verandahs with lovely vistas over the gentle hills to take the air each day. And you were waited on and cared for in the tenderest of ways. Oh, yes! I just knew that was what my spirit was calling for, a time out from the pressures of my world. Instead of this, I trudged on until my body collapsed with exhaustion and the tears were the only language that I could speak.

Water helps wash our bodies clean with tears, clearing our old stored emotions.

As I have learned to honor the wisdom of my body, I have come to see through her lens. She is the most amazing being, maintaining all the physical operations to keep me breathing and operating in this dimension. She also is a storehouse for all my past lives and holds information of my origins. The more I tune in to her, the more I discover that she knows all! Our bodies do not lie. They are an accurate reader and recorder of our energies. Science is beginning to make the link between illness and our emotions. We have used our bodies as storehouses for emotions that we did not feel safe to express. We stuffed them inside and eventually our bodies are forced to clean house of this old energy in order to keep us functioning. This is why I can burst into tears in a yoga class or when getting a massage as some cellular memory has been touched and is coming to the surface to be released. I do not have to know the details of the memory but rather allow the emotions to flow out from my body.

My body craves color, beets add a lovely note to my juice.

We are in new times and they call for new vocabulary to express what we are experiencing.  We are ascending our physical bodies into higher dimensional energies and they are being asked to do an extraordinary thing. They are transforming from a carbon base to a crystalline one. Imagine that! I love feeling that I am becoming so beautiful and multifaceted within. There are many symptoms which we now simply label: ascension symptoms. Many of us state that we received a download of information and we are now integrating it. We accept the physical changes that brings. By viewing my bodily changes as part of my shift into higher awareness, I feel differently about the symptoms. I give them no negative thought, rather I thank my body for working so hard to assist me in this process. I ask her what she needs to be more comfortable and I give it to her. Naps have become essential at all times of the day and night. I am up typing at 2am after sleeping for a couple of hours. I follow her rhythms and no longer concern myself with what is “normal”. My body is unique to me and I am the expert on what she needs. I do not have to label myself as anything in particular or follow a prescribed pathway. I do have to take the time to listen to her throughout the day to see what she needs. As I care for her, she cares for me. We have one another’s highest good in mind and move in harmony. I am so grateful that she has carried me through all the dark times and has blessed me with good health. We are focusing on radiant health these days and it feels great. Give your body a hug and speak to her with the utmost tenderness. She/he deserves it!