I spiraled so high with the energies yesterday (10-10), feeling and expressing my love for all. The evening brought a sifting of all that I observed throughout the day. I am paying attention to everything. For example, in a call this morning, Petaluma was mentioned as it was a few days ago by another friend. It was a contender in the past as a place to live. A online chat revealed that my former love was living with a woman. I had spent moments earlier in the day, surrounding him in love, remembering our time on 10-10-10 and the love we anchored in. My heart felt many emotions flow through, not all light and airy! I ended with joy that he had someone loving him. I was surprised later in the day to receive a message of such love telepathically from his higher self. It came into my heart loud and clear and was a gift of closure and peace. My daughter mentioned something about her dad that triggered an old pain that I breathed through and observed as it released its hold. What surprised me was how I felt that I had been embraced in the feeling of intense love all day long yet there were these moments of pain that had surfaced. I only saw them as I was speaking to my son and reflecting on the day. It was good to process them with him, pluck out the kernel of learning for me and toss the rest aside. Like digging out the sweet meat in a nut, you savor the nourishment and taste, tossing the shell that housed it, aside. There is no need to keep the old memories, the old sorrows and pains. They arise for us to pluck the wisdom they hold, to understand why we are holding that particular shell in our hands. Once the understanding is tasted, we can let go of the rest.
In this time, I am simply taking notes of what I observe as I know that there is no longer any “figuring it out” to be had in this new space. It is about allowing and opening to receive and following inspiration when it comes. I was gifted by my former hubby with an invitation to stay here, in the family home that he bought me out of. I am deeply appreciative of the love offered and the space it allows for me to float. It was a place that once triggered much sadness and pain for me. Now it is neutral. My elder son lives here and it is a gift to be near him as we weave our light together for greater understanding…….he helps me to use the sacred mind to explore the sacred heart. Through conversation, I sift the images and energies of the day through his consciousness which is so encompassing and expansive. He sifts through my heart, it is a beautiful co-creation.
I can feel my own space forming, where I will be in a community of awakened souls. My personality self wants it now, my soul is at peace as it holds me still. The time is not yet here, it whispers. Yet, it is drawing me close even though details of where, when, or who are non-existent. I know that I am creating it day by day. I watched Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give and used the beautiful house by the sea with the desk looking out over the ocean, as my writing spot. I cried her tears of heartbreak at feeling the touch of deep connection and having it move away. That heart connection with others is what makes the feeling of home and oh, that desire is so ripe in me. I made chicken soup in response to the cool, rainy day and as my son came in, the smell became part of that feeling. I baked chocolate chip cookies and a sense of home burst in my mouth. I lie on the grass and drifted with the clouds as the earth spun her joy through me, singing of home. I chatted on the phone with a dear friend and we created home with our heart strings plucking a tune. The conversation creates …my friend asked, “Can you feel it?” Yes, I can and that is why I am aware of my time on the phone or in person conversations. It is a form of creation and I am aware of the energy it takes as well as conscious of what I choose to create with it. I harbor my energy as so much is spent weaving with the earth and the elementals. I need heaps of time alone in silence in the space of my own heart.
I am playing the scales of emotion, weeping at the beauty of songs, the vibrant color of the bouquet of tulips that I bought, the feel of my son’s strong hug, the sun filling my body with its soft kiss. The air felt soft today, the earth herself feels softer, quieter to me. A sense of anticipation, excitement sweeps over me. The next moment, I wonder how long I can last in this in between space, a toehold in this 3D environment, my heart traveling ahead on rays of light and sound. I am untethered, so apart from most folks. So adrift it feels at times that I am connected to no thing or no one. I want to know God. I want to be home in Her/His embrace. Often I am. Other times, I observe myself riding alone in rough seas, feeling that I cannot contain this tension much longer. Holding the polarity within my being and learning to breathe deeply with it.
I am ready to create and yet it feels that it is not to be here. But there. And where is there? I do not know. I can feel it, almost touch it but it has not landed in. We are creating in mid-air and all must line up for it to enter the physical realms. I keep hearing the word, complete. It is done. I feel it in my bones. The biggest part I came to do, has been accomplished. The earth has tipped the scales to love and she is bathing us all in her light. Our father sun is streaming new codes into our beings and completing the process of turning our bodies into light.
Today I felt appreciation for the wisdom of my body that stops me from moving when my mind wants to figure this out. I want a place to call home. My mind says, Hey, step this way and I’ll figure it out.It knows how to search for apartments, homes. My body says, not today. Not in this moment. In this moment, I am slowly moving from hot tub to couch to nap time in bed. SLOW. I allow it its movement as I trust it to move me to my heart’s desires. I savor the rest, the respite from the energetic storms that we have been in. I am learning to dance with more grace, flowing in the arms of the Creator, then driving to get groceries, weaving light with the air currents, then paying my phone bill on the computer. All day long, in and out in fluid motion of love. I am blessed with very little in the way of demands from the physical world and yet there are times I yearn for tethers. Surrendering into this in between space takes courage and attention. I do not know anyone as untethered as I and it can be a lonely post.
In this moment, I am well. I have had the house to myself to move in. There is nothing that I have to do nor even want to do. The peace is welcome. My agitated thoughts have quieted and my heart is singing a soft tune of love. Sleep offers a new view to this weary soul. I slip in, knowing regeneration is at hand. Trusting the love to carry me through to this new land that my heart knows and lives. Sweet dreams.