May’s Love Day Builds the Bridge

A bridge along the Oregon coast sometime last year

Love day. How beautiful that today was celebrated as love day. Here are the things that happened for me today.  My former husband reminded me that this was the day that we met 30 years ago. It was the day we celebrated each year as our anniversary.  We laughed that here we were, once again, working together on a yard project. After all these years, how strange it all was. We created a bridge over some formerly turbulent waters of our past. We acknowledged how we had helped one another to grow. How the years of unloving had led me to love myself. We talked about friendship and offering that in a new way to one another. Immediately, he started to tell me how he had little time for friendship, offering excuses. I laughed and said, “Oh, I see your offer was too much and you are now withdrawing it.” An old pattern surfacing. A beautiful new thing happened then. He recalled reading something about how when you achieve a peak experience or new level in a relationship, you need time to process it and integrate it. If you are not conscious about it, you end up creating a crisis or argument that leads to a time of separation which then allows the integration. By being conscious, you can state that you need time to assimilate the new aspect in the relationship and peace can be maintained. It was so lovely to hear him state his need and to be able to honor it. A new way was bridged and I felt such gratitude. So proud of both of us. When we can openly state our needs with love, there is freedom to be found.

Beautiful clouds as the day waned.

Ten days ago, I asked my former husband if I could spend the night at the family house as I was get-ting in late and my car was here, as were my sons. He would not be here as he is only here three nights of the week. He graciously agreed. I am still here. This was not planned. The energies streaming in have kept me pretty grounded. I have small bursts of activity….looked at 2 apartments today (neither was a yes) and then rest, food and water are required. At times, the thought of getting up to go to the bathroom seems beyond me. Truly!  I cannot move. I laugh at how my higher self has orchestrated this time, not something I was looking for yet here I am. And tonight’s bridge to a new friendship is the reward. I am being shown over and over to trust my heart, trust the universe to guide me to the situations that lead to my  greatest growth. Our minds would not choose them as we tend to avoid things thought to be painful but if we allow our hearts to lead, we are led to healing and freedom.

A mural at a restaurant, birds flitting about.

I was doing yoga outside (managed 10 minutes before fatigue overtook me, but it was 10 minutes!) when in triangle pose I looked up. A hawk was circling above me. I watched him executing his graceful turns with wings outstretched and felt I was drifting with him on the air currents. Hawks are my power animal, showing up often in my life. I felt he was giving me a message that my love would soon be with me. I thanked him and sent him a beam of love. Right before going outside a friend had sent a message that her beloved was soon to join her. It all felt interconnected to me, our loves are coming as we open our hearts to our own love. The Venus transit on June 4th is already in motion, bringing in big love energies. I know myself as Venusian and feel a sense of home coming.

Hearts everywhere, even in a bag of chips!

An apartment manager I met today shared that his 22 year old son had commited suicide six months ago. He wanted to talk about the pain he felt, the guilt of being too hard, the frustration of years of his son’s drug addiction and rehab efforts that did not succeed. He showed my son and I,  his son’s picture and admonished me to cherish my son. He said he now called his other children regularly. He was expressing his love on this love day in wanting to share stories of his son with us. Wanting us to know of his beauty and struggle. Love, oh how we search for it, need it, desire it.

It has been a long journey to this new world where love will be the rule. Where hearts can open wide and that will be the norm. I am witnessing the transformation all around me. Begin to look for evidence and it will be given. Yes, this is the time to turn on our heartlights and never turn them off again. That young man could not see past the pain of separation and so chose to open a different door. We have hoped, we have yearned to live in love and now the reward is at hand. A world of love is being born. Thank God we are here to participate in it. Don’t wait to begin, now is the time to turn your heartlight on high! This is what our high beams were made for!  Our hearts are the instrument to birth this world we desire. Free your heart of everything but love, drop all else and shine it so bright. No child, no one has to live in a world without love. We are the ones to make this a reality for ourselves, our children and the generations to come. It all starts within……your heart, my heart, one heart.



Happy May! Soul Awareness Month

Happy May Day! I am leaving a basket of beautiful flowers at your doorstep…..did you find them? My kids and I used to do this when they were young, weave small baskets from paper and grasses and fill them with spring flowers and hang them on the neighbors’ doors. May 2012…….this is it. We are transforming, following the flowers lead by bursting into bloom! I love how nature has become my teacher. The clouds teach me to drift along and change with the moments, the earth teaches me to plant my roots deep in her soil, the flocks of geese teach me about moving in my heart, knowing when to take the lead, when to drop back, all fluid motion. The deer on my nature walks by the river teach me to look at each passerby with eyes of presence and depth. The butterflies, how to dance on the breeze, the trees how to bend with the breeze. The turkeys, how to fluff my feathers and sing my song, no matter how ridiculous that looks or sounds to others! (They can look pretty silly with their wattle waggling under their tiny head next to that big chest).

love how this oak tree throws its branches out with such abandon

I am experimenting this month, my life being the laboratory. My heart being the crucible. Spirit being the elixir that I am playing with. I need a place to live. I have no idea where I am to land, what this place is to look like. I do know that I am ready to be planted, to allow the stillness wherein I can watch my seeds sprout. I water them with tears each day, something of beauty can move me there most days as my heart overflows in delight, in compassion, in ecstasy, in frustration, in sharing eye contact with another’s heart. I am checking craigslist each morning for an apartment or house near my sons and the river parkway or in midtown. Both are places that I have lived, both feel like I am moving backwards in a way yet…who knows anything anymore about what is for my highest good? Being here in this moment is joy. Allowing that joy to be the fuel that brings the next movement. The sun filtering through my closed eyelids. The bird songs filling my ears, my son painting at his easel on the lawn, all of these fill my heart with joy. I savor it, breathe it in and expand it out through my heart, beckoning my desire for this and this and this. The details are left to the universe and my higher self, I am amplifying the feelings. I am allowing myself the gift of presence and gratitude for each moment.

I have been so flattened by the energies streaming in for this weekend’s full moon and Wesak celebration. Wesak is celebrated on the first full moon in May and commemorates Buddha’s birth/death/enlightenment. My eldest son was born in May 7th and I called him my Buddha boy. He looked like a an old sage and he whispered the story of our connection to one another and the creation of this earth, as he took his first breaths and looked into my eyes. He carries the Buddha energies, and is celebrating his 27th birthday with a party on Wesak and the full moon this year. Almost a year after his kundalini awakening, he is ready to share outwardly what he has discovered on his inward trek. This trek has found him for the most part, lying on a sofa. He has gone against our society’s ideas of how a young man ‘should” conduct his life. If he had gone to an ashram in India and sat at the foot of a guru, then there would be a greater acceptance of the idea of him following a spiritual path. Can you find God from your sofa? Yes, and I believe you will be as thrilled with his wisdom as I am.

My sons forging their new pathways to the New Earth

I find it interesting how narrow is the path we allow ourselves. My sons and I have opened a bridge to the new as so many of you have by following your truth. Do not underestimate the role you have played in this planetary awakening by stepping to the beat of your own inner drummer. May is a transformational month where we are being gifted with assistance to let go of our old stories and ways and birth our divinity. Can you believe the power of this?? Go within and claim it. It is about surrender (can I live without my stories, without my pains and sorrows, my ideas of right and wrong, of good and bad, of suffering and joys?). Yes, I surrender them all and ask to be made anew in the truth of who I am. I am excited as I meet more of her each day. I want to be all love. I want to be fully present to the Creator’s gifts that are wrapped in every moment. I want to be Her heart expressing itself in full bloom on this planet. I want to be the highest expression of my soul that I can reach. I want to melt with the beauty of it all. I want to see the truth of love in every situation, every person, every heartache. I want to be the alchemist that knows how to transform all baser emotions into the gold of love. I take them into my heart and beam them back as light. We have that power…..doesn’t this amaze you? It does me.

Soul awareness month will find me looking within. Seize this opportunity being gifted to us. This is the month to turn all to gold so that we can be the shining sons and daughters of God that we came here to be!