I awoke from a dream where my vision was clouded. I could not make out much and felt confused and disoriented. I drove to an event that I will be attending in early June. A gathering of Lakota folk as well as others. In the dream, a group of guys were standing together and one called me over. He was a friend and put his arm around my neck. We were laughing and talking about his baby to be. I looked around and saw the man who I had had a relationship with from this group. He did not even acknowledge me. I greeted him and he responded that he had done a lot of healing. That was it, no reference to a need to do any of that healing with me. No words or gestures towards me. I felt pain go through me. I stumbled away and tried to find my car and my way out of there.
I awoke feeling that pain. I found myself thinking that I would not attend this event. I do not need to be where he will be. Oh, yes, I was triggered. I breathed into it and sat with this pain. Interesting that I was looking for something from him. Seeking something outside of myself to know that I am loved. I thanked my higher self for bringing this up in my dream state for me to look at. I found the me that lived most of her life this way, looking to others for validation that I am worthy of love, that I am loved. Oh, she is the dearest thing. She has this big heart but lived with a false belief running that heart. The belief that love comes from anywhere but inside. People can reflect it back to us, but to truly know love is to know it from the inside out. I thought I had mastered this yet my dream was showing me where I was still carrying a wound that only I could heal. The opportunity of attending this gathering is for me to need nothing from this man. No look, no acknowledgment, no words. To hold him in lovelight, the light that streams in to me from Creator and flows out. That is the stream I need to look to, that is what nourishes my soul. To laugh at any expression from him or anyone that is less than love being reflected to me. Knowing that I am love and love is my truth. Knowing the truth of the love that we shared for a brief time and that our souls have always known. The love does not die with the ending of the relationship, it is eternal.
So, time to take my dear self for a walk, to breathe deeply of that love that rains down so gently on my soul. To bless this man and this dream for showing me part of me that needed tending today. I am loving her so and will treat her with the upmost care. I have assured her that I will not abandon her, that I will be right there, holding her hand as she stands in a place that formerly held pain. I am her love, her beloved. Pain is an illusion as there is only the reality of love. Together, we will burn through that illusion with the help of my angels, the violet flame, the flame of love that I have asked to hold my dear self as well as this man. Let the love burn bright and let me not seek it, rather feel and know this inner flame. Oh, the dearness of us all.