Whew, the energies for this earth woman have been intense these past couple of days! I felt pressed into the earth, any movement took enormous effort. I was to be searching for an apartment but that felt as reachable as climbing Mt Everest. Not a possibility. I allowed myself to relax into this pulling. What else could I do? I have learned to move with the energies rather than against them. When a way is opened up and the energy is aligned, all falls into place quickly and with ease. To try to move because my mind has decided to make something happen…. that is hard. My body will take over and stop me at times. These days, I am allowing my heart to move me. I need to find a place to live and know that it will happen. But not today. I allow myself to drop into that place of peace, listening to the birds, while the sun warms me.
The mind moves in and out with its various refrains, “Where are you going to live? You need to know now! ” All testing my peace, my beingness in this now moment. Will I trust that all will come to me in its perfect time? Will I trust that I am in my perfect place right now? Yes, I will trust it all. I am grateful for my former husband allowing me this space and time to be until I can move. He does not understand it, even fears it yet he allows. That is not easy. I am grateful to feel peace in a place that once held such sadness, anger, and pain for me. Of course, that is why it is my perfect place in this moment! If I can feel peace here, it is likely that I can feel peace anywhere.
Talk about shadow dancing! The usual cast of characters strut their stuff once again:”What are you doing with your life? Why are you in this place again? Your money is running out, you will have nothing. You need to DO something, anything!” At times I can laugh and say, “Enough, you will have to be more creative than that to get my attention! ” Sometimes it is a “Be on your way, with my love.” Other times, I am caught in the throes of it and have to wrestle my way out. I am learning that shadow work requires deep breathing and moving into observation mode. You have to take a seat in the audience and watch the characters play across the stage of your mind. When I can clearly appreciate the acting, I can detach and see it for what it is. When I get caught up in the play, I go on an emotional roller coaster ride that is often not pleasant. I have witnessed shadows that I did not even realize were there, entering the stage. Every last trigger is being pulled now to allow all to be transformed by the light of my love.
Others judgements of me and my path are coming in as I am moving into a space of non-judgment. I am watching as I try their judgements on for size, finding resonance for a moment or sometimes more until I return to my own truth. Am I enmeshed with my sons? Have I limited their paths? Yikes, shadows of my mother and my brothers……is this me? These shadows know just what swords (words) to raise and where the Achilles heel is to aim for. Yes, my relationship with my sons is unusual. We have a soul agreement to bring in a template for the New Divine Human. That may sound presumptuous, crazy even, but it is our truth. Over and over I am being asked to stand in that truth without wavering. It is not a path for the faint of heart.
My path is unusual as there is nothing to point to that aligns with success as our old world defined it. If I would write the book, sell my art, establish a healing practice or do anything “normal” then some folks who love me could breath easier. Heck, I could breath easier!!! Some of those things may come but none have been my focus. I am called to be all of me, to be in tune with the earth and sing her song in my heart. To feel my brothers and sisters and weave my heartlight with theirs, seeing their beauty and light. Standing on this earth, moving with intention and love in every moment…..takes all I have. I awake filled with my Creator’s love and I strive to be the most beautiful vessel that I can be for Her/His love to flow through.
I have given most things in my life 150% effort. No halfway, half hearted attempts. It is no different now except it is internal and not visible to the old world. I am in the New Earth much of the time, clearing pathways, arranging flowers, decorating so that when others walk in, they will feel welcomed. This is the work that my soul calls me to. Are there times that I would like to quit? Yes! Are there times that I wish that I could live a “normal life”? Yes but that was ever the case even when I was living a so called normal life, I did not fit in with the crowd. We are all being called to live our truth. To live each moment with all of who we are. We are experiencing internal earthquakes as our shadows dance deep emotions into our cores. Can we love ourselves, forgive ourselves, embrace ourselves with compassion and kindness? Can we release these aspects of ourselves back to the light (call in the violet flame to transmute your anger, your sadness, your fears back to light, offer it as mulch for our Mother Earth) so as to allow room for our divinity to enter in? Yes, our souls and I Am presences are here, asking to be invited in. We have to clean out the shadows to make room. This is holy work. Honor yourself for having the courage to do it. Call in support from your angels, your guides, your friends. We need one another to affirm our beauty when we get tangled in our shadows and can’t find our way out.
Thank you for having the courage to do this work. You widen the pathway for others and you lighten our Mother’s load. It is spring cleaning time. We feel inspired to clean our houses, to clean our body through cleanses and fasts. Now it is time to clean our emotional and spiritual bodies as well. Put on some music and dance your way through it, stomp your way through it, cry your way through it. Feel it in every cell, thank it and let it go with love. Freedom is at hand and this is the way to it.