What a day of lessons for me. I have taken down my post from yesterday and ask for an open heart of any who read it before I deleted it. If you read it, you would have witnessed judgment loud and clear from me. My shadow came leaping out in my need to judge a friend who was going through a difficult time. I was so uncomfortable with what I perceived as her pain that I judged her rather than allowing myself to be with her. I used her as my mirror, I was still holding judgment of myself for how long it took me to wake up. For how long I stayed in suffering mode at the end of my marriage and the time it took for me to recover myself. I violated her trust by writing a judgment of her on my blog. Big shadow stuff…..processing it, asking for forgiveness from her, forgiving myself.
I had no idea that was still there. I had to sit for a time to really process this and get some understanding of what this shadow aspect was about. Wow, powerful stuff. My it is hard to forgive ourselves and let it go. Here I am cruising along, feeling more love each day and then this. I know that as more love comes in, all that is not love must flow out. I have watched this happen to others, felt it for myself but this was somehow trickier for me to catch. Now here it is for me to learn from. Whew…..not fun but I am grateful for this. I do not have to attach to this but rather see it, feel it and let it go. I know the words and now have to breathe deep to live them.
Linda to self: “OK, dear little one who thought that you did it all wrong, come here. It is alright that you suffered as you did. It all helped you to come to this place of knowing your own heart light. To understand that you are love and lovable. You were courageous, you are dear. You gave love and did not know that you had to learn to love yourself first. You are learning that now. It is all ok. You are safe now and are in my heart of love. I love you.”
I feel such gratitude that this storm came, that it shook me so deeply and turned my heart upside down. I am asking to continue to be bathed in liquid lovelight and to let go of all that is not love in my heart. I am grateful to my dear friend’s heart, for forgiving me. I am grateful for the moment to moment opportunity to begin anew with God’s love. I am grateful for my I Am presence for speaking truth to my heart and showing me what this shadow asked of me. Love. All of us seek love. Every part of us seeks love, especially the parts we disown. I had hidden this part so well that I did not even know it was there until it was! I pray for all my shadows to come out of hiding and to enter into the light of my heart. I pray for this for me and for all of our hearts. I bow to the power of love.