Love day came and went, bringing in all heart light and stirring up all the undercurrents of my life as well as many others. Shadows coming up to be loved and embraced. I spent the last couple of days witnessing shoulds and fears coming up in me. My new exercise routine took a dive, my energy shifted and my joy quotient plummeted. When I was in Maui, I went deep into the Mary Magdalene energies with my friend. We were immersed in them for days on end. I came away wanting to offer an initiation that Mary Magdalene spoke of in Claire Heartsong’s book of the Magdalenes. It was called, “Opening Your Mouth” and she said that it was time for women to do just this. Time for the truth to be spoken. I was shown the women to invite to such an event as I flew back to California. That was about three weeks ago and so now it seems time to do this. My ego was going on about how if I am a way-shower, it was time to be showing something to the world. Yet my being is loving this time alone in my own space and not feeling sure that I want to use my energies in this way. I am not wanting to be with lots of folks, rather meeting folks one on one for a walk or talk.
The shoulds came out in force: “You should do this, what else are you doing?:” “It is way past time for you to be engaged with the world!” ” What is your purpose anyway?” On and on they went. I wrote up the flyer, began the list of names to email and kept hesitating on a date. I found myself waking up and beating myself up by saying, “OK, today you have to send out that email! You know how to run a workshop or an event. This is easy for you.” Another day would roll by and I would not have done it. I had loads of ideas flow through yet something in me kept hesitating. I did not want to commit, never knowing how my energy will be on any given day though of late, I have had more energy. Surely, I could commit to a two or three hour event.
This morning I woke up with the weight of this event on my mind. I asked my Mother-Father God to hold me in love and show my the way through this. I was taken up through a Maxwell Parrish sky (you know all soft blues and pinks and fluffy clouds), and was bathed in lovelight. I saw myself become infilled with light, I came apart in a way as I saw all of my cells as separate units being filled with love. I was amazed! A love filling station! After a time I came back down and found myself in my bed once again. I laughed and said; “May I do that again?” It was such fun! Up I went and I was assured that I could return at any time to be filled with love in every cell of my body. Wow! I also knew that it mattered not what I did, it mattered what I was. If I was joy and love, that is my gift. My “job” is to emanate the love that I am. I am love so that is easy. Oh yeah, if it feels easy and good……it is!! My ego had gone back to the old I must struggle and force myself to do something. Those days are over. I follow my joy. I do what I am inspired to do and trust that is my work. It matters not if someone sees it or if I am “teaching” in the traditional manner. When I do something with joy, it reverberates throughout the universe. Love is all there is!
So, the event will happen but when the timing is right. For now, I crave this space of silence and solitude. It is a short window in time and I want to suck all the juice that I can out of it. I will know when the time has come for the event as I will feel joy in the whole process rather than anxious and uncomfortable. Our emotions are our guides and truly if I stay in the joy zone, I am on track! I feel like this beautiful lily bud, you can see the soft beauty, the fragrance is a hint in the air and the opening is but a breath away. That is me at the moment. There is a deepening that has been happening and I am ready to burst forth with wonderment at who I am. I am shapeshifting, finding new aspects of myself that stand at the door of my heart, waiting to be invited in. These past couple of days, I have had a visit from the shadows, asking to come in to the warmth of my heartflame. Yes, anxious self, come in and sit down by the fire. Oh, you controller, you want entrance, come, there is a cup of tea waiting for you. And you, the one who calls herself, Too Much, come on in, you are welcome here. All the shadow selves coming to the heart flames of love. I celebrate each one of you for how well you did your jobs. You helped me to feel safe in the world. I am here now to let you know that you are safe and so very loved. All is well. We can move forward in joy!
“They say there is a window from one heart to another. How can there be if no wall remains?”
I love seeing how the couple appear. They are like characters that come alive under my fingers with my paint, beads, and gold leaf. I have so much fun creating them. My beloveds…..for that is part of the delight awaiting us all as we reunite with our other half. We have done the inner uniting of masculine and feminine and there will follow the outer uniting with the other. Some are in this already. I know it to be beyond the romantic ideals that we have held as it is a uniting in service to the world. Our ideas of love are enlarging as so many new ways of experiencing love will be present. I am loving myself by creating these images. They are all me! I will be excited to meet the man who can match the love that flows from my heart! And of course, there is the match for each of us as we are one another, two halves of the whole. This I know as I now know that my cells love the love fuel most of all!