Finding My Perch

Oh, I love hot water bottles! Just hopped into bed to write this before sleep; clean sheets and duvet cover,  a gardenia wafting its fragrance from my nightstand, my feet warmed by my “bottle”. Ahhhh….heaven on earth is with me in this moment. I discovered tonight that when I am alone I sing to myself more. I sing my songs that amaze me as they come out…sometimes very silly and sometimes flowing with poetic rhyme. I have a few days of solitude once again. Spirit is gifting me this time to go within and be. I can feel that a gift is being offered and  that there is something for me to discover in this time. 

I went out for a walk to my hill of rocks in search of a spot of sunshine. I did not make it to the top of the hill as this tree called to me as I walked past. I pass him each day on my walk but had not stopped to connect to him. As I came closer I discovered that a branch had been sawn off many moons ago. It jutted out like a perfect seat. I tentatively tried it out. I had to reach up a bit to land my fanny on it, but once there, I discovered that it was a perfect fit for me. I pulled up my legs and crossed them, took off my  hat, closed my eyes and simply basked in the sun’s warmth. After a bit, I leaned back only to feel the delightful support of the tree branch. Truly, this was my giving tree (remember that story of the tree

who gave himself for the boy?). I sat for an hour or so in 
utter delight, drifting with the sun’s rays lighting up my closed eyelids with beautiful patterns and colors. Oh, I am made for this, I thought. Peace….deep peace given freely. It had been a few days since this feeling had been with me. I have been going through the emotional releasing process of this eclipse cycle which culminates with the approaching full moon/ lunar eclipse as Saturday dawns. Lots of sadness, lots of tears. Nothing personal that I could point to rather an impersonal emotion that needed an outlet. We are past the time of needing to understand the whys of how we feel. It is time to feel fully, giving expression to what is there and  to observe it as it makes its way on through. 

Let it all go. I am surrendering it all. I do not know what is next, I know we are moving at the end of the month. Perhaps my son with me for a time, perhaps each off to our own journeys. I know not. I am so appreciative of this tree and the peace that he granted me today. He helped me to find home again. To find that place of knowing inside that lets all else fall away. As a society, we are losing homes, jobs, relationships, health. All that we set up before we came into this life to help us find our way back home. As we lose the outer security, as we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances and conditions of our lives or those around us……we finally lay our heads down and surrender. We may howl a bit before laying down but at some point, we are too tired to fight or resist. We let it go. We can no longer figure it out with our minds. It is our hearts shining moment as we must turn inward to our hearts and let them lead. It is time for our hearts to show us the way. to lead us out of confusion and despair. 

This beautiful tree reminded me of a story that I had read to my kids when they were children. There was a farm wife who worked hard from sunup to sundown each day. her husband’s work on the farm was what got noticed and was where all the money went for labor saving devices. Her work in creating a home and all that entails, was unnoticed. She had no labor saving devices in the house. A young orphan boy comes to visit and he does not see only the barn and the male side of the farm but he sees her and takes note of  how hard she works. He asks her what is her greatest desire. She points out a tree up on the hill that she has longed to walk to, to sit under and watch the sunrise. For 15 years she has had that wish each morning yet has never been freed from chores to do so. She feels that if she can just get to that tree, she will breathe easier and life will be better. This sweet boy offers to do some of her chores so that she can take that walk. I am crying just from recalling this sweet story! It is Michael O’Halloran by Gene Stratton-Porter. She was my grandma’s favorite author as well as mine. She wrote many delightful children’s books that were filled with the love of nature as well as hearts. 

I think that it is time for all of us to take that walk to watch the sunrise. I am visualizing it for everyone on this planet. The freedom to live their dream, to know the peace that I found sitting in my tree. To have the time to notice the beauty that abounds. Look at this tree bursting forth its blooms that waved to me as I made my way back home. Purple and pink delight! Yesterday in my sadness, I noticed the litter on the street, the dog poop that assailed my nostrils and the sirens that went screaming by. I was the deciding factor in what was brought to my attention. I can create heaven or hell by what I chose to focus on. So, remember this quote that someone posted on facebook. It made me laugh as it is so true! Our thoughts can be quite fearsome, tormenting, ridiculous or glorious and uplifting.  I am choosing to listen to my heart, whether it is weeping or singing, it is one to me. It is life on this beautiful planet of ours. Hear me, oh universe….I AM grateful!

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