Solitude Continues and Brings Gifts

Watershed day…quiet and alone for the most part. My sons are still away and my daughter and her love stopped in for a few moments to pick up their turkey and pie to take home. I was not feeling up to stirring from the couch today. Yet the world came to me. Don’t you find it interesting how that happens? I do get a kick out of the universe and how it works. I took this picture somewhere at some time in the past few months but my memory is shoddy. I can feel the mist on my face and my feet on the rocks as I climbed closer. Today has been a watery day…tears flowed as I felt so close to the Creator. I was in the bath, offering my heart after clearing it of any remaining cloudiness. I had done the exercise I spoke of yesterday from Peggy Black about healing our wounded heart. I was imagining my heart like a crystal bowl, so pure and clear. It felt crystalline in my chest. I allowed its tone to rise as I played it in honor of the Creator’s presence in my life. I offered it and myself as the hollow reed to play those notes of Her/His love on this plane. A new sound emerged that I had not heard before. It felt good in my chest and it carried me along for several minutes in ecstasy. Ah, so good to feel that passion arise once again. 

A friend called and was describing his back country skiing trip. I could feel the cold crisp day and sense the beauty and quiet of the wintry landscape. I love this newfound ability of late of getting the energetic download from someone through conversation. It is as if I am there with them and feel it all. So much transmitted through our hearts these days. I like to include new pictures that I take but today I sought out these old ones from this summer to convey the images that I felt. Water, snow….I have been craving a winter landscape with a fireplace and cozy indoor scene to enjoy it from. Trees hushed as the blanket of snow is laid on their shoulders. Frozen ground crisp underfoot. I can feel all this. Funny as Hawaii has been filtering in and out for the past couple, few weeks. But despite my love of warmth, the winter scene is what is speaking to me of late. Another friend sent a message from her mom that I will be gifted the land for my community and that it is in Oregon. Hmmmm……who knows. I know that it is coming but not any particulars. I did feel a jolt of happiness that someone was picking up that energy in the field. A confirmation. Bring it on universe, I am ready!

Another friend called to speak of her desire for greater mastery. She wanted to be clear in stating her intentions and to be unattached to how they were received. I was able to affirm for her that she was in her mastery, that we are masters. We expect it to be linear and in every area of our lives at once. Yet we can be masters of abundance, yet kindergartners in setting boundaries. We do not achieve 100% in every area at once. We are masters in training and we can claim ourselves as such. Indeed in the claiming, we become that. I am a master and I am continuing to evolve and grow. It is a never ending cycle. We strive, we reach, we attain, we fall back, we move……we are spiritual beings playing at this game on our beautiful mother earth. I am learning to know myself as a master and to feel such compassion and tenderness as I act or think in old ways. To see it all as one, not good and bad. Simply me being Linda on this earth plane, sometimes wise, sometimes childish, sometimes kind, sometimes harsh. Bringing as much presence and awareness to each moment as I can and knowing that all others are doing so as well. 

As we spoke, my friend spoke of retrieving a part of herself that had been killed when she spoke her truth. As we looked at that, we both saw her laying in state. I then saw the essence of this woman rise to enter and fill my friend. At the same time, she entered and filled me. I realized that this sleeping beauty (that is who she appeared as to us both) had been waiting for us to call her back. We can claim our master selves to return, there are so many parts of us wanting to enter in at this time. It feels good to have her here with me tonight. I know that I can speak my truth in these times. I can claim that power. It felt great to share this new connection with my friend, with whom I  share a deep soul bond. I love how we can help one another to remember who we are. 

In a meditation, one of my former names was given to me. Shazara. I like the sound if it. Shazara….sounds like a master with a magical cape and a wand! I invite her in to play. So you can see how a day spent alone can bring such gifts. My agitation of the past few days has departed and a deep peace fills me tonight.  I know that I am a part of this magical, mysterious life on earth and I feel such gratitude. I do not have to know what is to come, only to live each moment fully, accepting all that presents itself and allowing it to move me where it will. From the space of my couch, I visited waterfalls and snowscapes, conversed with Sleeping Beauty and Shazara. I felt ecstasy and peace. Truly I have been gifted in this day!

The Gift of Solitude

I have had the last two days alone. How beautiful solitude can be. My sons traveled to Sacramento to work on building frames for my younger son’s upcoming art show. I was meant to go to a “No turkey” party the day after Thanksgiving and spend the night with my dear friend. I had been looking forward to seeing many old friends and connecting once again. Yet my emotional releasing has spread to include physical releasing also. Drip, drip of the nose, sore throat, fatigue and achiness has kept me put. My body is so gentle with me, asking me to sit quietly and be in the stillness. 

The clearing out of old emotions continued its program with me. Yesterday I watched three different romance movies on netflix’s instant movies. I cried and felt the pain of not having a partner in my life. Realized that I have not experienced romantic love very much in this life. It was there for the first years of my marriage and a brief storm of it last year. Not so much in a 55 year old life. So the mind does the why thing that yields no answers. Why do I feel so deeply, want so much, dream so big, why have I not met a man who loves the way I love? Easy to ask these questions, not so easy to know that I have created all my experiences so why have I not loved myself the way I want to be loved?  I did not want to find that peace inside…..I wanted to avoid it with movies but chose ones that cracked open my wounded heart. I knew what I was doing. One, Bride Flight, was particularly poignant, what does a woman do when faced with caring for young children and staying in an unhappy marriage or losing her children and going to the love of her life. There were lies and secrecy and following religions that beat down all expressions of joy. It was a period piece set after WWI, yet so much remains true today. Women are so brave. They are the ones who are on the front lines of the pain, seeing the suffering of their kids and trying to make it right through their own sacrifice. (Not to exclude dads as I know that there are times when it is the man who is left to hold it together and explain why mommy has left but for the most part it is the women who hold the family together). What a species we are, so often not expressing what our hearts are feeling. Today’s movie, Shadowlands dealt with unexpressed love. C. S. Lewis, the famous children’s author, married late in life and had his heart cracked open by his wife’s death four years later. He had lived an intellectual life  in the company of men that shielded him from navigating the emotions of the heart. His wife, Joy, allowed him to enter into that landscape of the heart that he had closed off from the time of his mother’s death when he was a young boy. Together they entered in to the joy of love expressed. Truly we are love, it is our natural expression and all that has sought to repress it, all the ways that we have been taught to block it off to protect ourselves, have been lies. Hearts love… is their natural state of being. 

Many cleansing tears for me. Crying it all out, all the times and ways that I had not been loved in this life, the ways that I had not loved myself.  A friend said to me today, “I am glad that I can cry.” I agreed as the tears are healing for our emotional bodies as well as for the earth. As we shed them, we water our mother and allow her a deep sigh. I watched and felt the struggles of the movie characters and knew their suffering as my own. And then the peace finally descends. I remember how surprised I was when I first discovered that at the bottom of the well of grief, there was peace. Who knew it was hidden there? I read a channeling from Peggy Black and her team of angels called Heal the Wounded Heart: 
She speaks of the importance at this time on the planet to clear out our heart spaces to make room for that greater connection with the Divine. It is time to heal our wounded hearts. She gives a beautiful exercise to hold what you wish to heal in the chalice of your heart and set your intention to transform and release it. She suggests breathing into it and making the sound of it. This is very powerful . To give voice to the pain and allow it to release rather than remain locked up, this is the path to freedom.  Our mother’s heart feels our pain so in releasing it, we allow her release and freedom. She then has less need for earthquakes and upheavals as we each clear our part of her density. The eclipse energies are asking us to do this work now, revisiting all the old lingering wounds that still cloud our hearts. I marvel at how the universe orchestrates the bringing to us of all that needs to be healed. 

Feeling the blessing of the love that I am stream in from the Creator. Knowing the blessing of dear friends who love me and see me for who I am. Loving that I see me these days and know my own beauty. Grateful for my children who understand me and cheer me on. My elder son and I spoke today and heard each other’s hearts so clearly. Joy! There has been an agitation working in me as my soul works out this next step on my path. Knowing that there is a template of new relationships that my sons and I are creating and also knowing a change is on the horizon. Allowing myself to feel into it. Knowing that is the only way forward. 

I lay here and dreamt of this forest glade. I felt myself walking through it, marveling at the sunlight streaming through the branches. Loving the softness of the forest floor under my feet. I envisioned the first picture, the feeling of watching the sun as it rose through the clouds to announce the new day. I want these. I want a partner next to me to share this beauty. I want a community around me of folks who are co-creating with me…, gardens, raising children, animals, flowers. All of this I want. So I am dreaming it into existence. I will follow with inspired action where and when I am led but I know that the dreaming is the important piece. I want natural beauty around me. Being such a plant being myself, I need nature in close proximity. I want it feral and wild so that my heart can revel in its true nature as I dance and sing its vibration. For in truth, our hearts are wild places, full of untamed, dark and mysterious landscapes. We all long to dwell there, shivering with excitement as we walk the dark paths through the thickest growth, dancing with abandon in the moonlit spaces, floating effortlessly on the gentle waters, letting them carry us where they will.  

I have been blessed by this solitude, this journeying into my heart’s space. Tomorrow all three kids will be here for a repeat of Thanksgiving dinner as my daughter has been away. I am glad that I did not lay guilt on her for making the choice to go away with her love rather than being here with us, glad to allow the breeze of freedom to blow through our relationship. (A new pattern from the command performances that my family of origin demanded.) We will open our hearts to one another and ride the next wave. We can create it all anew, how we interact with one another, how we let our hearts sing. Sing a new song and create a new day. 

Emotional Cloudbursts

Today is Thanksgiving and it has been a day of ups and downs for me. I am so grateful for the beauty of my life and yet even when the exterior shines, all is well, there is constant movement underground as I shift, release, engage, and evolve. Today is a new moon as well as a partial solar eclipse. We are in the last eclipse cycle of 2011 (from today till Dec 10th’s full moon which will be a lunar eclipse) and it is asking us to expand and then expand some more. It is a wonderful opportunity that we can take advantage of. In order to expand, we have to clear out the old to make room for the light that is wanting to fill our bodies. Remember the plan is for us to inhabit our light bodies, hence the light entering in. This is where all those strange physical symptoms come from that traditional medical docs can’t figure out. Headaches, joint aches, ringing ears, farting (yes, it is true with all the bloating), hot flashes, cold flashes, sensitivity to different foods…..the list goes on. It reminds me of being pregnant, all the weird and wonderful feelings that I experienced as I grew a person inside of me. I am pregnant once again with my new self. She is wanting to be birthed. I feel that I am in the transition stage….too far along to call out for the pain blocking drugs, (have had moments where I wished that I was someone who could take drugs or drink or escape somehow) nowhere to go but through, nothing to hang onto though moaning and screaming may help! I am not a screamer these days (had those days, believe me!)but deep sobbing and sighing.

The first pic is a view overlooking the city from a new park I found on an early morning, walk/jog through the mist with my son. Lovely! Recovered from last night’s cloudburst, literally a five minute deep sobbing session after seeing a pic posted by a friend on fb of my old love and his new girlfriend. This on the heels of a strange email from my former husband after months of no contact. The sobs came from the grief that neither is a friend, they would not go for the friendship and peace that I desired. And boy did I try over and over again. That has been a BIG lesson to me in this life, I cannot create peace with someone, only with myself. Neither took the high road in the end, could not face that and so to face me means to face themselves, therefore, no contact with me. Sigh…..heartache. All perfectly orchestrated to come into my awareness at this time to be felt and released. Nothing random about any of it.  Now I can say, thank you universe! I am preparing an empty room in myself where I know that I am worthy of love (wonderful gift from these two men, showing me where I did not love myself) and that I am love. I am so ready for the new. And let it be magical, please!

The day goes on and in preparing for our small, quiet Thanksgiving dinner, more cloudbursts. . I am currently living with my two sons in a small San Francisco apartment. My elder son pointed out that I 
was in the old mode of mom planning dinner… not being in the mo-ment but speaking out loud all that needed to be done in a manner
that felt stressful to him. He was right yet I did not receive it graciously as I felt he was being pedantic and that alright already, I got it, 
back off. Too many words. Oh, yes, such childish feelings. Left the 
room and gave into the cloudburst of sobbing. Victim consciousness descended who did the grocery shopping, who baked all day yester-
day…you get the picture….old,old feelings. Ok, try again. Watched the boys tying up the turkey and 
placing it in the oven in a new way, breast down (all the juice ends up in the breast meat this way). We did not have a roaster pan with a rack (all the things left behind with the house and marriage) so we 
laid it directly on the rack with the disposable roaster pan underneath to catch the drips. It actually worked well. Time to relax, turkey in the oven, vegies prepped. We sat companionably in the living room, me with a book and the boys watching a game on their computer. Peace. Took a lovely nap as the 
smell of turkey roasting seemed to have a soporific effect. Awoke refreshed and ready to finish up the 
meal prep. My younger son started making the stuffing, I wanted my older son to do it as it was his 
stated contribution so called out to the back garden for him to come in. Younger son says that I should not be pushing at his brother…do you see the cycle? Me trying to protect younger from doing too 
much, younger trying to protect older from my controlling ways, older following his own rhythm whichfelt like a cop out to me. Yikes, what a stew! Cloudburst again….descent into victim consciousness.
Time for me to go, do not want to be living here any longer…blahblahblah. Dry my tears and forgive
myself and each other. We are quick to do that and acknowledge our piece in the mix.

The dinner was a success, only one guest so quiet and lovely. Laughter, joy and grace descended.
So as I sit here with the candles and the vibrant orange-gold tulips, eating delicious pie and drinking 
tea, enjoying the laughter of these beautiful young men, I feel the blessing of this Thanksgiving. We all 
stated that we were thankful for ALL of it, the
tears, the misunderstandings, the old patterning,
all of it. We are creating a new way of being
together that drops old roles (yes, I had thought I
had finished this but it seems not) and sees us
relating as the mysterious, wonderful, amazing
masters that we are. We have experienced many moments in unity consciousness as well as mo-
ments of unconsciousness. We embrace them all 
as part of ourselves. The flashing billboard in myhead says, “Let go, let go, let go.” It truly is the 
time to let go of all that no longer serves so that 
what does serve, has room to enter in. I am amazed at how old these patterns were….it had been years since we interacted in this way. So strange how they can come back yet this is the final releasing of so much. Bring in the light, I am making room. Blessings and peace to all of you on this holy day of gratitude. Not the day I expected but the day that fit me perfectly.

Feelings of Thanksgiving in the Air

I drove home from Thanksgiving grocery shopping and saw this view. My eyes welled up with tears as I felt such love for San Francisco, the low cloud bank that was illuminated by the setting sun, radiant in its depths, the cables for the electric buses, the buildings on top of each other……all of it seemed so dear. I love this city. I prayed for the city of divine love to be made manifest over this city and for the love and peace to permeate everything and everyone. I have let go of when and how but I have the knowing that it will come and that a huge part of my being is engaged in bringing it to fruition.

The past few days saw me falling back into old ways. I went through a scarcity fear as the numbers of my bank account fell below the figure my mind registers as comfort. That led to the old doing model…what can I do to make money? It has been a long time since I worked and brought abundance flowing in rather than flowing out. I have used these past years to allow a new relationship with money, seeing it as energy. I have enjoyed using it to support my kids, to support friends’ work as healers or artists, to explore new ventures and landscapes for myself. I had abundance from my half of the house from the marriage days. I chose not to own anything and rather enjoy the energy of the money in ways that brought me more joy. The thing that I forgot for a day or two was that we can no longer create in the new energy in the way that we did in the old. I knew how to make abundance in the old model, work hard and if that does not work, work harder! The new energies of creation are different. It is about following our bliss and trusting the universe to provide the abundant flow. It is about less action and more feeling. We have to feel the feeling that we want to experience, visualize it and let it go. Then wait for inspired action to manifest and follow it when it arises. There has been nothing in the old 9-5 way of working that interests me at all. The educational system as it stands, must fall away. I know that the new coming in will have a place for me as a teacher once again. Until then…

I am enjoying my art making. I have an idea for a body of work that I can then pitch to a gallery for a show. I would also like to begin to use my sound healing in some manner though I have to get over my aversion to the word, healer. I believe that everyone is a healer, the healer of themselves. And there are those who are gifted with healing hands and energy that can provide amazing assistance. My knowing has been that I am a teacher, known that since I was three years old. Knew it as my dharma. So…that term totally resonates and healer feels foreign to me. I asked for assistance last night before sleep and awoke in the middle of the night with the words, Heart Whisperer echoing in my ear. That is what I am to print on a business card. Been a long time since I have had one of those! I see that I could begin to offer services as one who listens to someone’s story, then reflects back the beauty of their heart (oh, this gets me so excited as my prayer each day is for every person to awaken to the beauty that they are). I would then allow whatever sounds chose to come through me to work with the energies that needed releasing or anchoring. I am ready to be more out in the world and to work with others. I like the idea of setting my own schedule and being able to do sessions in

person or through skype. There arises the fear…do I have what it takes to help anyone? Wonder if it does nothing? I read an article recently that said it is time to step out on faith and trust that your spiritual gifts will be given as they are called for.We have to take the leap and know that we will be caught. I know that I can see the beauty in others’ hearts, it is second nature to me and I know that there are times that I need others to reflect my own beauty back to me to truly see it. I can do this, I can be wonderful at this.Wait a minute, I AM wonderful at this! It is the thing that I am most passionate about..heart light, liquid love light. Those words fill my consciousness. I passed this passion flower on my walk today, its brilliant purple essence and its starburst of gold..yum! I am a passionflower of love!

I think that the Thanksgiving energies are here already. I am feeling so thankful for everything today and the world reflected it back to me. I had a call from a friend tearfully expressing her gratitude that I am in her life (gave me the opportunity to express the same sentiments back to her as she has been my elder sister in so many ways), my son brought me a cup of tea as I lay in bed this morning (bliss! He is an angel), I had delightful interactions with a number of the other shoppers at the grocery store (there was a feeling of excitement and joy that permeated the store), I added coconut to my standard oatmeal, chocolate chip, walnut, orange cookies, packed some for my daughter and her boyfriend for their Thanksgiving camping trip and received a text, “World’s best cookies!”. I arranged some new flowers and drank in their beauty. Blessings abounding.

I feel excited, energized, full of creative ideas. I am so appreciative as it has been some time. Even my body wants to move! Hurrah! The past couple of mornings I have danced to this song: The Long Time Sun by Snatam Kaur on utube: and it made my heart dance with my body. Joy!

Love and Rage……the dance

This is my latest painting, first one done in my son’s art studio here in San Francisco. It is such a joy to paint side by side with him and critique one another’s work. Our styles and subject matter are very different but our sense of beauty is shared. Of course, my focus is divine love and the beloveds coming together. Yes, still waiting for mine to show up! Painting the feeling that I have, helps me to anchor it here in the physical. The golden chalice is a reoccurring theme for me. I believe that twin flame couples have a chalice that they fill with their love each day. I invite the Creator in to add Her/His light and love and offer it in service for the highest good of all. This painting brings my beloved closer as well as reminding me that he is always with me.

11-11-11 happened and much energy was moved. Exiting duality is tougher than I thought! This is a deity whose name I cannot recall from the Retreat into Snow Mountain that I did with Tom Kenyon. He said that this was one of the protectors who he called in to secure the space while we went through our transformations with White Tara and Black Tara. A fierce being who helps in destroying (releasing is a gentler word) all that no longer serves us. It seems that the energies of 11-11-11, released blocks that we had. Once released, all the emotions that had been stuck, could suddenly move. It felt a bit overwhelming to have old, old stuff coming up. I had to remind myself and friends who called, (love that we can share these experiences without judgment) that it was coming up to be felt once again before departing for good. Feel it, witness it, let it move one through is my mantra. I felt it was the final uncoiling or unwinding… please say it is so!! I found myself going into judgment of myself as I felt and expressed anger. My oldest son was bringing me his understanding of unity consciousness and my ego sprang into attack mode (see the claws on this creature!!) as I felt judged. My ego wanted to impress upon him that I have been on this path for longer than he, hence I should know more. Ha! He was being the mirror for me to see all the places where I was judging myself and not loving me. He did have new knowings that benefit me. So there was a fear that I was not so wise and wonderful. A fear that I had missed something and had gotten it wrong.

We have to love every part of our shadow. All the icky parts that we have hidden away have been released and are asking for love. “Will you love me, Linda even if I got it wrong? “On the heels of this melt down that involved all the ways that I have not been seen in this life, I interfered in the relationship between my sons. Yikes! Ok, duality consciousness again, judgment of myself again. Ego ran screaming, I want to live alone! What am I doing living with my kids??? As if that would protect me from painful things coming up. No, I know it does not work like that. I can be all alone and things will come up through a phone call, an email, an encounter. Life shows up and our higher selves are ever vigilant to continue bringing us what we do not want to look at. They know that until all is brought to the light of day and loved, we are bound. And we are freedom loving beings. We want to be free emotionally. We want to live our truth in each moment. We want to be the love that we truly are.

Surrender seems to be the name of the game over and over. Surrendering and returning to that place of peace and love in my heart. Calming the inner storm, allowing the truth of the love to make itself known once again. And loving the wild woman who surges out as in loving her, I am released from her. I am grateful for all of me that is showing up. I am grateful for the light that is filling in the spaces where I let go of the past. I am grateful for a new moment to begin again. I am grateful for all the loving hearts that reflect my love back at me. Thank you!

Walking in the city of Heartlight

I was standing on a hilltop here in San Francisco, watching the sun go down. I felt so blessed to be able to be up so high and see so wide. The city lay spread out at my feet and I could feel the love vibrating from it. It truly is a city of love and heart. Each day as I walk about I see sights that make my heart sing. I do focus on the beauty as with any city there are parts that are waiting to be transformed back into the reality of love. Yesterday I took a walk and took a few photos of whatever captured my imagination.

I love the rainbow flags that line the Castro district where I am currently living. It is the gay district of San Francisco and in my mind represents freedom of expression. Each time I see this flag I feel that I am coming home (which I am) but in more than the literal way. I can feel

the hearts of all the men who had to stand up to cultural and family pressures to be able to follow their truth. There is a sense of acceptance here as most have had to walk a tough path to find their way home to their truth. This is the place where Harvey Milk lived his life of courage and opened the playing field by being a gay man holding a public office. There is the distorted side of sexuality that the world condemns and yet is fascinated by as evidenced by the tourists who come to walk on the wild side! You can pass store windows full of all kinds of unusual things, many of them involving penises as that is the side of homosexuality that gets all the press. But there is a heart side that is more the truth as there is in all relationships. The men (and women) here have asked to live in peace, to fly their flags and proclaim their right to love another man (0r woman). To have the same respect shown them as heterosexual couples. I am here to clear some of the sexual distortions and turn it back to the love that is the base of it all. In the end, that is what everyone is seeking, not a new sexual position rather to love and be loved.

The next thing that caught my eye was this beautiful garden that someone had created in front of their house. There were planter boxes on both sides of the sidewalk, full of sculptures, plants, rocks and delights. This clock was tucked amongst the greenery, showing its face with

its hands marking the twelfth hour. I did indeed feel that time stood still as I made my way through this little bit of paradise. From the harshness of the city streets, someone had taken the time to create a separate world. They did not concern themselves that someone might steal their treasures but put them out for all to enjoy. There were two comfortable outdoor chairs positioned against the wall inviting you to take a seat and a breath and still yourself, just like this clock. I was enthralled. This person or persons, has gifted the city with a reminder that life is good. A testament to his/their belief that people are good. An offering to allow a space of reflection to come back to the heart. To come back to the love. A simple walk, a blessed day. Breathe it in, the love is all around. We are asked to have eyes to see and hearts to feel. Everything is LOVE.

11-14-11 and Feeling the Love

I love the pink clouds at night that remind me of liquid lovelight. That was my major experience of 11-11-11. I merged with my higher self and was flooded with liquid pink lovelight. I saw it pouring out of my fingers, streaming to my brothers and sisters and out of my toes, streaming to my mother. Beautiful! It felt wonderful flowing through my veins and informing all of my cells: wake up! The lovelight is here! Soft like the colors of this photo I took, a little out of focus but I like it like that. A soft world without harsh edges. It is the way I see the world, through a slightly out of focus lens. When we pull back to a more bird’s eye view of any situation and allow our hearts to soften, we can see the truth more clearly. The truth is that we are all made to love. Our hearts are made to giv
e love on a regular basis just as they are made to pump blood. It is its essential nature. Hearts are made to be open to give and receive love, that is what keeps them healthy. Heart health is more about the feelings that we express and receive than it is about the food we eat. Science is beginning to confirm this as it is understood that everything is energy. Our vibration determines our health. Self love is the single most important component of health. If we flood our body with love each day, caress our cells and organs with lovelight, they will all respond in a loving manner. If we store our stuck emotions in our organs and cells, dis-ease happens. A friend who has been journeying with her cancer expressed how the disease invaded all the parts of her body that she had not inhabited. That she was learning to inhabit all of her and love her body and her being.

It feels to me that the energies of 11-11-11 were about opening more room in the heart, lightening the load. Allowing the softening to take place, seeing life with that out of focus lens where the essence of a thing is what shines through. You can hear the angry words on the surface but by squinting your eyes and stepping back, you can see the heart that is full of fear. The little child who has lost his/her way and wants a helping hand back to the light of truth. The truth that they are lovable, that they are a child of the divine and love is their very nature, that they deserve love. As we know this, the world becomes a softer, more love filled place. This photo of one of the Tibetan deities with its fierce scowl is a great reminder for me that something can look scary on the surface but be filled with love within. (including ourselves when we find ourselves expressing anger or other scary emotions)

Yes, there was part of me ready to step into miracles. That did not happen yet the opening of hearts is a miracle. I know that the new age has begun as I feel Gaia’s joy coming up through my feet. I believe that my desires are being made manifest and it is my job to line up with them vibrationally. My beloved, my community…..all is there when I have eyes to see. Each day I get closer when I am present to the moments, appreciating and enjoying what each has to offer. It is always the small things that bring the joy. Eating oatmeal in the morning with my son across the table, the yellow tulips that bring the sun into the kitchen, the sound of the bell that I ring each time I pass it on my way into the living room, my new purple hat that I bought yesterday as I walked and shopped with two dear friends. Now each time I put it on, I am with them once again and feeling the laughter and joy. Life is to be savored. While the outside world has yet to reflect the new energies, our inside world does. It is an internal experience and when enough of us vibrate that internal peace and love, the universe must respond to match it.

Hold on to the lovelight…..let it flow through irrespective of what the external world is showing you. It is our job to turn it all back to the reality of love that it is. We are masters at this… is time to remember how! I love you.

11-11-11 The Celebration!

Oh, deep breath. We are here. I have prepared for this day for so long. It is the day that we enter in, we walk through the portal to our new life. I may have posted this photo of this painting before but it is the image that works for me today. It is my favorite of my many paintings. The two white strokes are my beloved and I as we are walking through the golden door to our highest potential. Our highest service to the Creator and to our mother, Gaia. Today we are all gifted with this opening. There is nothing to bring except our hearts. All attachments fall away as we cut all cords to former beliefs, needs, desires, people, things. There is only this, the love, the love of our Mother/Father God for us and our love for Her/Him. The reality of love that is everything.

This energy can be so powerful as it comes in to these bodies that it is good to ground. Simply ask Mother Earth to ground you to her heart. You may feel her energy come up through your feet and legs as a tingling. Such a gift she gives to each. She loves to connect and speak with us. She wants all of her children to ascend with her. Imagine a love that can contain 7 billion people! She teaches us to love on that mighty scale.

Our Mother/Father wants to know our deepest desire. What is it that I want this day? I want more of my gifts to come in so that I can be of greater service to Gaia and mankind. I want to co-create a community that waves a banner that says, Home, this is a place of rest, of respite, a place of rejuvenation, a place to discover your joy once again amongst family who love you. Come! Yes, that is my deepest desire. To be a part of building such a place that is based on divine relationship. Where love is the beginning and the end. I wish to know the reality of love in all things and use my heart to melt all back to that reality. Love has become frozen on our planet and it is time to unfreeze it. To melt it all in our hearts back to the liquid light that it is, that we are.

Open your hearts wide and celebrate yourself today. It is a birthday of recognizing your own light and shining it out into the world. Turn inward and turn on your heartlight. We are all going home and it is what will light the way. I love you.


What a week we are in the midst of! 11-11-11 is days away, some are calling it the most auspicious day ever on this planet of ours. I awoke early to move my car before the street cleaning crew came by. My son joined me for an early morning drive across the city to Crissy Field. It is so lovely to walk along the beach with a view of the city silhouetted behind me and the Golden Gate bridge looming up ahead. Glorious! I feel so blessed to be here, especially when I get myself up and out of the small, dark apartment and enjoy the natural environments that abound in this city. There are many if one has time and energy to look for them. I was greeted with so many smiles today! I am a smiler by nature and today it seemed that folks were more open than usual to returning my smile. I believe that it is a result of all the divine love pouring into our planet from the Great Central Sun and coming from our dear mother Earth herself. I am feeling it hugely as joy vibrates my being and tears of gratitude, wonder and love flow. I am awash in this light and love, the lovelight. Yes, we are being bathed in lovelight. A beautiful pink orange magenta light flowing down like the softest rain. Can you feel it? Open your mouth to catch a taste of the drops. They are the sweetest nectar.

I like the way the sun cast the shadow of the bridge on the hillside. What a beautiful structure, painted so boldly and throwing its cables across this bay. What a concept! Imagine being the one who saw the potential and had the know how to make it happen. I feel that we are being asked to do this now. Visualize the new potentials, hold the picture clearly and allow the pieces to come together to bring it into manifestation. We are to co-create this new earth of ours. Friday is a wonderful time to do this as we all join our hearts together to meditate for world peace, abundance for all, freedom and joy as each person recognizes their own beauty and their unique gifts. Whatever constitutes your idea of the world that you would like to live in……..hold that vision and send it out into the universe as a prayer, a meditation, a dance, a song, a tone, any way you feel drawn to. Google 11-11-11 events and find one that resonates with you. I will be joining my friend, Meredith at 11am for hers as well as my friend, Tiara’s at 8:11 pm (oh these are Pacific standard time so be sure to convert to your time zone).

We have done so much healing and releasing to come to this time of joining with our I AM Presence. I love that we no longer have to dig through our past or understand what our feelings are about. We can simply be the conduit to let them flow and let them go. Let go……on every level of your being. You may be releasing your old stuff from a painful childhood or from a past life or you may be transmuting it for the collective. It matters not. What is of importance when you are in the midst of emotional turmoil, is to take a breath, pull yourself back to that eagle’s eye view, and remember to let the emotion be fully felt and present. Sit with it, observe it, express it (not by yelling at someone rather through writing, pounding

bread dough, watching a sad movie to allow deep sobs of sadness to come up, be creative!). And then sit back and watch it move out of your space. Do not hold on to it

in your thoughts by allowing it to play in the hamster wheel of your brain. Toss it out the angels and the violet flame (you simply ask the violet flame angels to transmute it…I ask them to mulch it into light for mother earth (best composting around!! Composting old outworn thoughts!) Let go of the “shoulds” in your life and choose “likes” as in I like to shop for yummy food, I like to do my laundry at the laundromat where the attendant remembered my name from last winter when I was here in the city. (How we like to be known!) Since I like that, I like to remember the names of the folks at shops and cafes that I frequent. Makes our world nicer. It is all perspective….some of our shoulds are holdovers from old programming that says that you must spend time with certain folks because of blood ties rather than joy ties or you can solve a problem by running it through your brain a thousand times over and worrying over it. It is time to truly honor ourselves by choosing new pathways, new ways of thinking and being. Time to know, truly KNOW that we are enough. Our being here on the planet is enough. There is no doing that is necessary except that which brings you joy. Move towards that joy flame in all that you do and your life will be transformed. Open your heart to this Friday’s energy and know that our transformation is at hand. We are gods and it is time to claim this. I so love you all!!! I so love me and everything about me. We were the ones chosen to be here for the shift of the ages. Hold your heads high, square your shoulders and look in the mirror and smile! You are here, I am here! We are the strongest of the strong and we came to rise from duality into the light of unity consciousness as we remember that we are one.

This is a painting I did titled, Releasing. I laid down layer after layer of paint, a bit like my life story, layer after layer of events, people, emotions. I then took a scraper and began to scrap away all that no longer served me. I stopped when I had uncovered my truth….the radiance that I am. See that blue glitter shining through? The purple patches? All me. Some parts rough, some smooth. All me. I feel joy when I look at this and reach for my canvas and paints to create more of my beauty, more of my song. This life is a gift that I am savoring!

Sequestered, Silent, Peaceful

Do you like my childlike drawing of the beloveds? Yes, I am feeling this more and more each day, my heart twining with his heart to fill our chalice of love as the Creator streams down Her/His light to add to our chalice. Lovelight. That is my new word, lovelight is streaming in to the earth from the heavens as well as saturating the earth plane from Mother Gaia herself as she streams it up from her core. Each day, my beloved and I offer our chalice of lovelight in service to mankind and the ascension of the earth. There are new frequencies entering in. More detached, peaceful, soft. I feel as though I am drifting between worlds. There is a sense of missing friends, of a new kind of loneliness and yet no desire to take action to connect. Peace and stillness seem to envelop the hours of the days as minutes. It seems with each upgrade into a new frequency, there is a period of being in a void. A holding pattern as the body adjusts to the new energies. The past three weeks or so have been quite a roller coaster of upgrades. The light streams in making my body shake and move, heat up, cool down, all manner of strange twitches and pinpricks. Then the integration period of lying flat while energies are released. Today it was sadness. Not mine, but a global sadness as the old ways are dissolving. I work with Gaia, as do many others, to help release the denser energies so that she can take in more light. Whatever we are doing internally, we are creating externally in the world we see reflected around us.

I am grateful for the small group that I have been

working with to anchor in this divine love. Oh, to live in this love, to see the earth bathed in this love. Tears are frequent as I feel the enormity of this love that is our truth. Today we begin a week of energies such as this planet has never seen. The 11-11-11 portal comes to us on Friday and there are global events that you can tune into around the world. Please take the time to connect to one of the gatherings offered at 11:11 am and pm if you can. The power of many gathered in meditation for peace and love on this planet can create it. We are the co-creators of this new earth. This is an opportunity to step in and effect change in the new way, not so much by doing rather by being the love and peace that you wish to see in the world. I love this photo I took of the light on the water…..diamond light. That is what we look like, streams of beautiful sparkly light radiating across the lands. Turn your heart light on and shine bright! Soon we will see our reflection in everything.