Going Deep

The image of these stairs work for what my life is at the moment. I am walking down into the depths of my being. Just as you cannot see where you will land from this image, I have no clear picture of where it is I am headed. I am sitting in nature and allowing her to guide me. I have no fear of the dark places anymore. I have done so much clearing out, so much cleaning of my interior spaces that I can glide down the first few stairs with ease. I can look about and enjoy the scenery that I have created for myself. I have now reached a landing and face the descent into the depths. All appears misty and dark. I recall that I am light, I can shine my own light to see what has been neglected and forgotten. It is all about perception. I might have feared this excavation in times past, but now I welcome it. I want to release any aspects of myself that have been imprisoned. I want to comfort any parts of me that have been shamed. I want to bring the light of my truth to bear upon the darkness and to set it all free. Therein lies the joy of this task…freedom. Every part of me that I reclaim, every part that I see and acknowledge, allows me to breathe deeper. I feel freer. Once every fear, every pain, every hurt and injury is addressed, there is nothing to fear. I could leave this body tonight and be at peace. For my trust in my own divinity, is complete. We are all given this opportunity at this time, to choose freedom from pain, from suffering, from limitation and lack. Freedom is in the air. We are being gifted with such support to make this journey. Call upon your angels and guides and walk hand in hand with them down the staircase to your true self. Bring your great light to bear on all. Whatever you encounter, can be loved and embraced. There is nothing too shameful to come to our open hearts. The trick is to feel it completely. I recall a time in the first months after my divorce when someone’s guides gave them a message to deliver to me. They told me that it was ok to feel the pain and sadness fully. At that time, I did not understand the message and felt a bit indignant as I thought that I was feeling it fully. Oh, what a difference time can make. It took me another year, sobbing my heart out one night alone in India, to truly allow myself to look at the pain in my heart. To recognize how numb I had been. I could only take one step at a time and spent months poised on a step, unable to move further. Now I know the “how tos” of pain release. I know to open my heart fully, feel it fully in every cell of my body, and to take the deep breaths and let go. I give it to the angels and the violet flame to transmute it back to the light. I help my mind see that there is no need to recycle it over and over. I read a quote this morning about this:

“The pain was necessary to know the truth but we don’t have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive.” This is from Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening and he goes on to say; As
anyone who has been wronged can attest, in order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. Living like this, we become our own version of Prometheus, having our innards eaten daily by some large bird of woundedness.”

It is time to give up our woundedness, our victim hood, our sense of injustice. We have created everything in our lives to help us evolve. We were the ones who set it all up on a soul level and even chose the players in our play. So we let go of anger at anyone or thing and most of all, at ourselves. We played our part as well as we could at each point in the play as did all the others. Especially those who played the bad guys. Give them an extra round of applause as theirs was the more demanding role. It is time to forgive others as we forgive ourselves. Time to recognize that we all want peace and that we are the only ones who can give it to ourselves. Peace is an inside job. When I am at peace, the world will reflect that to me. When we are all at peace with ourselves, we will live in a peaceful world.

So descending the stairs is what this island time is to me. I am determined to uncover every last bit of delusion, illusion, damp and musty place in me. I love how brave I am to sit with myself and witness this process. To allow the space for all to be revealed. To melt into myself and to know myself as if for the first time. There have been tears of awe and gratitude for the beauty of this universe. For the generosity of my soul, for the way it works to bring me every trigger until I am trigger less. I want to stand naked before my own higher self, my mighty I AM presence and look her straight in the eye with reverence and strength. I want to merge with her and together merge into the heart of my Mother/Father God. I am ready to go home.

Home to a place that I have dreamed of in my soul. It is a place that whispers to me in the stillness. It is a place where I will be welcomed and known. It is the place that I have searched for all my life. I do not have to leave this body to find my home. It is in my heart and we are at a time in our evolution where we are free to create heaven on earth. Our mother has decided that she wants to evolve and become the star that she truly is. We get to join her and become the bright lights that we are. I loved this tree that I encountered, growing so strong and powerfully out of all the parts that have been cut down, damaged and decayed. Aren’t we beautiful in our ability to do this very thing? To take all of our suffering and our pain and use it to grow into the beauty that we are. We all know folks who have become twisted and stunted by their experiences in life. Yet, this tree shows us that there is another way and it is one of nobility and truth. We have the choice, always we have the choice as to how we will grow. I choose to see my life as a rich tapestry that I am weaving. I am grateful for every strand, some bleached white with grief, some dyed dark with blood, some so gay in their joy. All are a part of me, all are part of the whole. I choose to add my strength, my peace, my love to the whole of this earth. If it takes me turning over every damp rock on my forest floor and eating every worm found there, I will do it. I hold nothing back as I choose to be fully present in this stillness with myself. I am a warrior of the heart.

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