Today was my last full day on this island that I love so. Here is the ferry that I will take tomorrow. The mountains were so clear today that it was a joy to take a hike for a wider view. It has been interesting to share some time with a couple that are house sitting my friend’s house. Tonight at dinner they were speaking about how they do not like to take time off as they get bored. They like to be doing all the time. They believe it keeps them young. This is such a contrast to my life of non-doing that my presence can be challenging for many. They use alcohol and nicotine to wind down their days and I thought how afraid we can be of ourselves. To be still and alone with one’s self can be a scary proposition. We are trained to keep going, to keep producing, to keep consuming, and if you feel a bit depressed, pop a pill or two and move on. To stop is seen as a failure, a red alert bulletin that something is wrong. We much prefer to maintain the illusion that all is well by the use of numbing agents like alcohol, nicotine, food, sex, TV…even reading can be an escape from time with ourselves. ( It was my drug of choice during my dark nights. Reading can be great…but it can also be an escape from our own thoughts). We make use of whatever can take us out of ourselves enough to allow us to keep playing our part in this giant game that is about to become unglued. Our society has allowed no space for a reset time. A time to step back and examine who we are in the moment. A time to be with ourselves in a deep way. A time to breath. A time to move out of time, to be so immersed in a tree or the moss covering the forest floor that a new dimension is entered. We allow only sanctioned time out. If you dare to take time out from the normal 9-5, you had better have an agenda. If you are going to volunteer in Uganda, that is worthy and noble. If you want to simply lie on your couch and watch the dust motes drift by…..that is seen as laziness. Yet the lying about can be the cocoon time that your self needs to become the butterfly. We have this analogy of the cocoon and butterfly and get it on one level but we are very uncomfortable with it on many others. We have guilt tied up with being non-productive. The guilt is a programming that we were given to keep us as obedient cogs in the wheel. Religions had a great deal to do with this as anything that was pleasurable or led to you knowing your own power, was labeled as sin. Today I participated with thousands of others in a meditation to release the sense of sin from all humans on this planet. (You can access these beautiful meditations at: http://www.childrenofthesun.org ).
We are not sinners, we are beautiful beings of light. If we allow that cocoon time, we morph into the butterflies that are full of beauty. In that beauty lies great power. This is the meat of the nut…..we are powerful beyond measure and that is terrifying to ones who have thrived by controlling us as well as terrifying to ourselves. We all carry memories of times past when we misused our power. We came into this lifetime, determined to use our power to uplift mankind and this planet. It is time to release the old fears. We have matured, we have learned our lessons. We are now capable of using our power for the benefit of all. We understand oneness. We know that what we do affects the whole. What we desire for ourselves, we desire for every man, woman, and child on this planet. How do I know that this is true? Because it is our nature! It is who we are!
Once we access our inner stillness, our lives begin to change. We begin to seek freedom and realize that time to be is true wealth. We begin to access our own power and see that we are
able to create our lives in new ways. We begin to take responsibility for the lives that we have created. We begin to see the perfection in the lessons and situations that we set up for our growth. Life starts to make sense. We begin to feel such appreciation and wonder at the underlying order of it all. We begin to let go of the illusion of control that we held. We begin to hear our own wisdom. We begin to trust ourselves instead of an outside authority. We begin to know ourselves as a part of the whole tapestry of life. We begin to feel our divinity. We begin to fall in love with the whole world. We begin to fall in love with ourselves.
Those last two lines seem backwards and yet for me, it has been much more challenging to fall in love with myself than it has to fall in love with the world. Self love is the piece that truly sets us free. When we can cherish ourselves as much as we do the environment, the starving children, the rain forests. and all other worthy causes…….we are home free. Because you see, we are the microcosm of the whole. So if you are living your life responsibly concerning the environment, recycling, signing petitions, taking public transport and all the rest but you are beating yourself up inside with words like: “I am too fat. I should be working harder, I am too slow. I am lazy. I should have handled that differently..I really screwed up there,” you are polluting the environment. So you may be taking positive actions on the outer but on the inner, by allowing toxic comments by yourself to yourself, you are sending out negative energy. Self love is therefore the greatest gift you can give yourself as well as the planet.
As the autumn makes its way, take some time to watch the leaves turn color, to witness their beauty as well as your own. You are so beautiful!