The color blue has been a presence in my world these past months. Most of my recent clothing purchases have been a lovely aqua or robin’s egg blue, which was my favorite color as a child. Interesting how I am coming back to that now. I had two big blue experiences in Shasta, besides the blue blue water of the lakes. One morning I awoke from a dream where I had been at a naming ceremony. I was gifted with a new name. It was a very formal event attended by many. I was wearing my blue starry crown that I had been given, along with my sisters in Santa Fe, by the Divine Mother. A lovely deep violet blue cloak was put on me and I had my sword sheathed at my hip. I had a beautiful gown (I love the costumes we will get to wear again!) and I stood in my beauty. I was asked if I was willing to accept my new name with all the gifts and powers that it signified. Was I ready to fully step into myself? It was a humbling, reverent and joyous occasion. I did accept my new name and all that it represented. I recall the sense of celebration and joy. As I awoke in my tent, I was repeating the name, not sure of the middle name. It was Blue Star Lotus. When I told my elder son, he laughed and said, “Now you will fit right in with the Shasta crowd, Mom!” I do believe that we are all bringing in more of our true selves and have many names on the various dimensions where we reside as well as earning new ones as we evolve.
Another heart by Mother Nature, I am taking them all as signs of her love to me and to us! My
other experience is of a blue file box. I did another level of sorting with my few remaining boxes in Sacramento. All of my papers from our four drawer file cabinet had been reduced at the time of the divorce, into a plastic file box. I had not opened it in ages. I did not get to sorting through it before I left so I had brought it along, intending to get to it in the woods. One afternoon, I was suddenly in the mood to deal with it. I began to sort and toss papers into the nearby fire pit. I had no idea that I was to sort through years of emotions. There were my teaching credentials from NY State, Montana and California, records of my earnings over the years, records of things with the kids, letters of recommendations from parents of my tutoring students when I was homeschooling and applying for my first job in years, divorce papers, a few old letters, some writings I had saved, the rental agreement from my first apartment after the divorce, the car title changed from a couple to me…on and on. I sat and felt waves of emotion. It was like opening Pandora’s box! My friend called to tell me when she would be back and then the tears came. Somehow they came more easily when relating the story to someone. She helped me to process it and let it move through me. My mind was fixing on plans, trying to get away from the well of emotion. Ok, breathe. I gathered sticks and a match and began the fire. It took a very long time to burn through all the layers of papers. It was a beautiful fire that kept me company for a couple of hours or more. I was so glad that I had done it this way as I was witness to so much pain and grief, being transformed into coals that sparkled like jewels. The red hot heat of the fire and coals was a thing of beauty. I had to keep moving my chair as the wind sent the smoke my way. I finally surrendered as I realized that the fire was asking to smudge me. To purify me, to aid in the releasing. Again, the elementals, helping me.
Blue box, blue star……I accept the beauty of both.