How do I keep up with myself? The changes are coming fast and furious. A couple of days ago, I had the experience of realizing on a new level that I was done. I had completed my assignment of holding the container for my three young adult kids (24, 26 and 27 year old beauties) as well as other family members and loved ones. This happened first with my son, Miles who recently awakened to his own I AM Presence. There was something that triggered me and I broke down, saying over and over, “I am done, I am so done.” He said, “Yes, you are done. It is over. I take over from here on out.” And he was so right, he has the the broad shoulders and the voice for this next period. I could let down. He told me that I get to be in my joy now as an elder. I love that term!! I AM an elder!
Later I was doing a visualization with a friend and we created a vesica pisces between us and watched as our loved ones walked into it. I felt such peace, knowing that it was time to let everyone go. On some level, I had done this months before but this was deeper. My son arrived and told me his dream where he was searching for his girlfriend but obstacles kept appearing in his path. He was given the message: You can no longer “carry water” for anyone. It is time to let go. He is called to let her go with love, knowing that she is on her path, and he on his. They are both showing such courage in this process. We can let go with love and gratitude but let go, we must.
After this letting go, I was practically glued to the couch in my friend’s cottage for two days. Release work is tiring! It took a huge effort to get up and make myself a piece of toast. Truly, I was not sure that I could. Thought it would ease the nausea which it did temporarily but then it was back. On the second day, I did manage to walk the twenty feet across the patio to my friend’s house to do my laundry and then it was back to bed. So….if that level of letting go produced that response…
Today I went for a lovely walk in the rain with a dear friend. We saw a buck with his large rack of antlers staring at us, giving off a beautiful male essence which felt like a gift. Afterwards to alleviate our dampness, we decided to go to a local coffee shop that makes a great chai latte. Yum! It was just the ticket along with a chocolate macaroon. I was telling her about this letting go that had happened and being the astute friend that she is, she asked me to go deeper. She can hold space in such a way that I can discover new layers of myself. I FELT (yes, I feel things with my body) that I had been holding a container for much more than my children and loved ones. I had been a rock, yes a rock, holding things contained within the earth. These things were deep, dark things like trolls, dragons, minerals, gnomes, sexual energies, damp, volcanic, gold and gems, so many heavy energies. I had been holding them in
abeyance on some level until the time was ripe for their emergence. Suddenly, it is time. There is enough love on the planet’s surface to allow the integration of the denser, darker elements. It is time. I was sobbing as I felt these energies move through me like a geyser…….whooosh! I no longer had to be the rock. Quite frankly, I was never comfortable as a rock. I am a flower, I have always been a flower. I could feel my petals begin to quiver with the knowledge that I could bloom once more. How to convey in words the sensations that moved through me. It was as if an elixer of light began to flow through me awakening my cells. My friend sensed more light between my atoms, electrons and cells. Expansion! I can breathe in a whole new way, it is delicious! I can feel my petals wanting to grow and unfurl. I am a lily and soon all will be able to sense my fragrance. I have a future of being many flowers as of course, I am a rose and a gardenia and lilac and and and…….you get the picture. I am a flower.
Now, I am once again snug in the cottage, listening to the rain on the roof and wondering how many days this flower will sleep! It feels that I could sleep for a month. The relief of this assignment being over, checking off the, Be a rock, box! Hallejuah. I made it. There is nothing more for me to do, I am free to play! The young strong ones are here. They will carry the day. We have built the bridge that they will now walk across and carry on to build the new communities of light.
The rain is feeding this body of mine in a new way as flowers need their drinks! I am so grateful to have made it to this time. Watch me bloom.