Integrating Duality

This picture is me standing between two halves of a huge split rock in the Rocky Mountains. I viscerally felt how it was time for duality to end. I had placed my body as a bridge between these forces, as so many of us were called to do and be. More on this later…keep reading!

How do I keep up with myself? The changes are coming fast and furious. A couple of days ago, I had the experience of realizing on a new level that I was done. I had completed my assignment of holding the container for my three young adult kids (24, 26 and 27 year old beauties) as well as other family members and loved ones. This happened first with my son, Miles who recently awakened to his own I AM Presence. There was something that triggered me and I broke down, saying over and over, “I am done, I am so done.” He said, “Yes, you are done. It is over. I take over from here on out.” And he was so right, he has the the broad shoulders and the voice for this next period. I could let down. He told me that I get to be in my joy now as an elder. I love that term!! I AM an elder!

Later I was doing a visualization with a friend and we created a vesica pisces between us and watched as our loved ones walked into it. I felt such peace, knowing that it was time to let everyone go. On some level, I had done this months before but this was deeper. My son arrived and told me his dream where he was searching for his girlfriend but obstacles kept appearing in his path. He was given the message: You can no longer “carry water” for anyone. It is time to let go. He is called to let her go with love, knowing that she is on her path, and he on his. They are both showing such courage in this process. We can let go with love and gratitude but let go, we must.

After this letting go, I was practically glued to the couch in my friend’s cottage for two days. Release work is tiring! It took a huge effort to get up and make myself a piece of toast. Truly, I was not sure that I could. Thought it would ease the nausea which it did temporarily but then it was back. On the second day, I did manage to walk the twenty feet across the patio to my friend’s house to do my laundry and then it was back to bed. So….if that level of letting go produced that response…

Today I went for a lovely walk in the rain with a dear friend. We saw a buck with his large rack of antlers staring at us, giving off a beautiful male essence which felt like a gift. Afterwards to alleviate our dampness, we decided to go to a local coffee shop that makes a great chai latte. Yum! It was just the ticket along with a chocolate macaroon. I was telling her about this letting go that had happened and being the astute friend that she is, she asked me to go deeper. She can hold space in such a way that I can discover new layers of myself. I FELT (yes, I feel things with my body) that I had been holding a container for much more than my children and loved ones. I had been a rock, yes a rock, holding things contained within the earth. These things were deep, dark things like trolls, dragons, minerals, gnomes, sexual energies, damp, volcanic, gold and gems, so many heavy energies. I had been holding them in

abeyance on some level until the time was ripe for their emergence. Suddenly, it is time. There is enough love on the planet’s surface to allow the integration of the denser, darker elements. It is time. I was sobbing as I felt these energies move through me like a geyser…….whooosh! I no longer had to be the rock. Quite frankly, I was never comfortable as a rock. I am a flower, I have always been a flower. I could feel my petals begin to quiver with the knowledge that I could bloom once more. How to convey in words the sensations that moved through me. It was as if an elixer of light began to flow through me awakening my cells. My friend sensed more light between my atoms, electrons and cells. Expansion! I can breathe in a whole new way, it is delicious! I can feel my petals wanting to grow and unfurl. I am a lily and soon all will be able to sense my fragrance. I have a future of being many flowers as of course, I am a rose and a gardenia and lilac and and and…….you get the picture. I am a flower.

Now, I am once again snug in the cottage, listening to the rain on the roof and wondering how many days this flower will sleep! It feels that I could sleep for a month. The relief of this assignment being over, checking off the, Be a rock, box! Hallejuah. I made it. There is nothing more for me to do, I am free to play! The young strong ones are here. They will carry the day. We have built the bridge that they will now walk across and carry on to build the new communities of light.

The rain is feeding this body of mine in a new way as flowers need their drinks! I am so grateful to have made it to this time. Watch me bloom.

Resurfacing After Major Internal Rewiring

Wow! Has it really been that long since I last posted?? I feel like I have been in a time capsule of sorts. My son and I went the Festival of Enlightenment in Estes Park, Colorado. What a beautiful setting. We were in a natural bowl, surrounded on every side by the beautiful Rocky Mountains. We alternated our time between workshops and drives and hikes in the park. This photo was taken on our trail ridge drive, the highest drive in the USA. We stopped to play in the snow and marvel at the beauty.

The festival lasted a week which seemed way too long and a blink of an eye at the same time. It was an experience in the new energy as the schedule changed daily as the energies shifted. I loved watching the flow of it. It angered some as they wanted things to go as planned. I spoke with a couple of women who were upset that the schedule had changed and a speaker they desired to see was no longer presenting. I suggested that perhaps the new speaker was the one that they really needed to hear after all. They weren’t buying it. It was an experience of allowing and letting go. Trusting that you were in the right place at the right time. There were supposed to be thousands and there were maybe 300 folks. As we arrived and could find no sign of the event, we did begin to wonder what we were doing there. All expectations were tested. A workshop may have only a handful of folks yet it was an opportunity to co-create on a more personal level. At times, being in the mountains was more important than another session. I had been looking forward to the Saturday night dance as I love to dance. But when the time came, my dancing self was not feeling it and instead I went back to the house we were staying at and made a fire. I spent the evening gazing at it and feeling the peace of the mountains around me. My higher self wanted to end the festival on a quiet, inward note and I honored her desires. I will have opportunities to dance again.

Each day was so full, it felt like a month had passed. My son went through a huge transformation and found the male mentor that I had felt was an important reason for his trip.
I discovered that I am a mountain woman. I love them! To see those white capped peaks each day fed something deep in my soul. It has been a time of integration since we returned. Neither my son nor I have a place to return to…he had given up his apartment and job a few weeks before we left and I was returning to my car parked at my friend’s place. We are so fortunate in friends caring for us as we rest.
We are both feeling a desire to be at Mount Shasta for the summer. Shasta is a mountain that sends out a deep call that is difficult to resist. Housing options have not appeared easily as yet though today an option presented itself. I believe in ease and grace and look for a path that opens before me. So, if the mountain wants us there, something will open. For now we have a campsite to begin. We took our camping gear to Colorado and did not camp at all! It all worked out as we were processing so much that it was nice to have the comfort and ease of a bedside lamp, wireless connection and a kitchen. Now I am ready to camp, need the connection to the earth.

It is new to have someone sharing my journey. Life is sweeter in the sharing and to be with my son has been a great pleasure. He was one of the only young adults there, most folks were middle aged like me. He said that he had never experienced so much unconditional love as folks shined their love on him. It was a love fest. That experience of unconditional love allowed an opening to his own heart and higher self. I wish that everyone could be bathed in that love for a week! It is time for us all to be the mirrors for one another and shine that radiant light back. We are all suns, all beautiful lights walking this earth. We are all one and the beauty is so immense. Let’s gift each other with this knowing, that we are God’s beautiful creations, here to shine our light and help one another remember that light.

Opening the Pathway to Yourself

Traveling with my oldest son to Colorado. We were sharing some of our recent aha’s. My son had watched a movie on netfliks called The Quantum Activist. He was excited how science and spirituality have joined paths. Science, especially quantum physics is proving what the mystics have been saying for thousands of years. In this program, a physicist talks about how in “being” we allow infinite possibilities to present themselves through our imagination. Once we take action and “do” we collapse the field into one “reality”. Therefore, the frenetic “doing” that has been the cultural norm, has kept us locked into one pattern. We have been enslaved by this doing to the point of living very narrow lives. I used to marvel at the way my world opened up when I took a vacation and was able to step out of the matrix for a time. New possibilities presented themselves. Joy and harmony seemed to be within reach.The recommendation was to become be-ers more and do-ers less. Abraham Hicks reinforces this concept with taking the emotional journey first, the imagination set free, then the action journey requires so much less.

A friend shared something that she had heard of Mother Teresa. Supposedly she had a policy with her initiates that for every hour they worked with the poor, they must spend two hours nurturing themselves. This is the idea that we can only give what overflows after we have topped up our own tank. We need time to connect with our Creator and receive Her/His gifts. As we do, we feel the joy of the love and naturally want to share it. But we have been deceived and taught that it is selfish to give to yourself. Selfish to sit and be. We must be productive to be of value. Now if that does not sound like an enslaving belief, I do not know what is! How many years, well 50 actually!, did I believe this lie. I am so grateful to have claimed my freedom and stepped out of this programming.

This photo spoke to me. There are so many obstacles in front of that doorway to our authentic self. Look at the one door open beyond the crane and post. Open yet it is boarded up. We not only have to make it to the open door of ourselves, we often have to dismantle the parts that remain closed. We do this by being! Being in our joy. Sitting and really seeing a flower. Watching the play of light through the leaves. Communing with a tree, a rock. Holding a baby in our arms. Seeing the starlight in our beloved’s eyes. We are gifted with so many opportunities, Mother Nature provides myriad openings.

You may feel that you have no free time to give to this. Yet, if you could see how time spent in your joy radiates so much more light than time spent doing “good” that is not filling your heart with joy. If your heart is not singing in the doing, then it is best to find what makes it sing. Let go of the programming that tells you that this is a way to serve, this is how I can help people. To live your joy is the greatest gift we can give those we love and those we do not know. The impact is wide and deep. And it feels good!!! I love the win win aspect of the Universe. We give to ourselves, and we gift others. We honor ourselves, and we honor others. We love ourselves and we are then able to love others. It all begins with ourselves! We have had it backwards for so long.

A deep breath of gratitude as I begin a new day of adventuring with my son who came in understanding how to “be”.

Finding our Balance

As I sat at the airport on my return from my East coast visit, I watched as people attempted to find purchase on these stools. The table had plugs for computers and iphones so it attracted users. The problem was that the stools were made for giants, folks at least six foot tall. It was interesting to see how every one’s feet were clawing at the air, trying to find a landing spot. Once they realized that there was none, they resorted to crossing their feet as the closest thing to comfort that they could find. Everyone

did the same thing, no one sat with their feet dangling separately. I thought of the ways we seek balance in our bodies and our lives. These poorly designed stools were forcing folks to find comfort in their own bodies by anchoring through their feet as best they could. It demonstrated to me how intuitively, we seek balance. We seek groundedness and connection with the earth. We are not comfortable hanging in space yet that is exactly what the new energies of this incredible summer, are like. We can no longer rest our feet comfortably on many of our former beliefs, values, ideas, or truths. New ideas are springing forth, as much of the old ways are crumbling around us. Outer security is a thing of the past as we experience weather changes, economic turmoil and unrest around the world.

We are challenged to find a way to perch in these new times. First comes the frantic scrambling as we search for the old base to rest on. Once we discover that it is gone, we look around to see how others are coping. We adopt the folding of the feet as a measure of calm, feeling awkward and uncomfortable but not as panicked. This way will not be sustainable for long but it gets us through to the next.

A giant of a man took the stool in front of me. His feet easily rested on the floor and he radiated calm and stability. I saw that he was a wayshower of sorts as we are to grow and expand in order to be comfortable in these new energies. Our physical vessels may not grow (and then again, they may!) yet our spirits are being called to expand into who we really are. We are being asked to allow our I AM presence to come fully into this body and take the reins. I invite mine, dear Sophia, to sit in the driver’s seat of my heart each day. I speak with my ego, Henry and remind him that he has retired and may rest in the back seat. He occasionally does the typical backseat driver bit and calls out directions but Sophia and I smile and proceed. We gently remind him that he is no longer in charge and should sit back and enjoy the scenery. He has earned his retirement and we are grateful to him for getting us this far on the journey.
So, it is a time of finding a sense of comfortableness within the changing world around us. Being ok with the unknown. Moving to embrace the unknown and trusting that new ways of balance are being discovered.

This is a Japanese garden that I visited. Such a sense of peace prevailed as I took in the scenery. Balance was evident as the carefully planned landscape enfolded me in a quiet embrace. All the elements in harmony, colors, textures, water, earth, and sky. Manmade structures blended in with the whole.

Today I seek to blend my body. my mind, my heart and soul and sing that note of harmony. I add in the structures of my life and know that beauty prevails. I am filled with gratitude to have moved beyond the leg scrambling for purchase stage. I expand into my being and discover that I can rest my feet firmly on the ground for the moment. And the moment is all that there is.