So much shifting, it is a good thing that I have my little boat to carry me along! I made the ceramic base a couple of years ago. I was amazed to find it intact and still among my few possessions. I had never added the sails, as I had not found material that was suited to it. I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill when I came across this top that I no longer wore. I loved the satin binding that held the buttons and it seemed a perfect sail material. I was so pleased with the result. When I showed it to a friend, she recognized the material as having come from the top that I had bought on a trip to Colorado with her. Amazing! I thought of that last week when I was helping my son to sort through his collection of clothes. We had some laughs as we recalled shopping together as well as who he was in each period the clothes represented. Bit of a life review, what the challenges were and the lessons learned. Our possessions do tell us a story about how we are living our lives. Right now, mine would state chaos! I feel scattered, some things in San Francisco with my kids, some at my friend’s cottage, some in the trunk of my car. Where is Linda? I wonder that…
I went to a weekend conference with 100 folks from all over the globe who came together to co-create in this new energy. It was about emerging from the chrysalis. It was powerful and intense. A time of being seen for who you are, a time to exchange codes and activations. We created some wonderful energy that felt transformative. The sound of everyone toning their note was very magical. I am such a sound being though I am in silence most of the time. I do not often think to put on music yet I love sounds, especially the sounds in nature.
It was fun to hear how people felt called to be there. They came from Europe, India and two women traveled all the way from Australia. We are like butterflies and birds, following the call to be somewhere at some time. I no longer question why I am here or there as I know that at some point, I will see the larger picture and the dots will be connected. There is only the call and the response. I want to serve. Not my will but thine be done. The personality self has less and less to say, the soul is in the driver’s seat and assumes the reins quite naturally.
I have been shifting and changing internally, feeling opposing emotions one after another. Sometimes, simultaneously. Agitation and peace. Joy and sadness. I have felt empty, depleted, as well as full. I could not reach to a place of writing which has been strange as writing is my way of processing life. Yet, when I am in periods of deep metamorphosis, all of my energy is consumed with my internal workings. There is none left for outer expressions. For someone who has journaled most of my life, I am just now seeing this pattern. I have been in the chrysalis. It is a place of deep sleeps, (like falling down a well and just as hard to come out of ) frequent intake of food and water, and stillness. Talking and communicating seem too heavy to bear. I have been away from the computer and the phone. I have a hard time getting my bearings and I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings.
I went to a quiet hot springs to soak in the healing waters. I love floating and drifting in warm water. I took a wrong turn and ended up driving an hour out of my way. I drove along a lake, which should have meant joy for me as I love looking at water. Yet the energies of the area were so dense that I felt uncomfortable. I could see the beauty with my eyes, but I could not feel it. I felt the heaviness and knew that it was no wrong turn. Rather, Maxie (my light being of a car) and I were to lay down our tracks of light there to help transmute some of the density. I did feel such gratitude when I finally arrived at the hot springs. The land felt sacred and I could understand why folks have come to it for healing for a century or more.
Back in San Francisco and my body does not want to move. Deep rest is still in order. Plans change and shift as my body is calling the shots and she says, we are staying put for now. Trust it all, that is the ticket for me. Let go and allow all to move through. I found myself resisting this fatigue that seems to engulf me once again. I go back to the thought that I am always in my perfect place, doing just what I need to be doing or being. I am enough in this space. I used to tell my kids to trust their inner voice as it was always taking them on a short cut to their highest good, no matter what it looked like from the outside. I remind myself of that tonight. I feel that something is happening on the earth that has me anxious and tearful and my body aching. I am called to feel it and let it move through me. I do not know what it is but I am feeling it flow and my heart is expanding to embrace it. Embracing the mystery with love.
I just connected in to Gaia’s heart with my own to feel her energies. She is deep in the transformation also and I am given the image of birth. How all of my energy went inward. I recall my daughter at 17 months, chatting away to me while I was having contractions with my soon to be born son. I remember looking up at my former husband, beseeching him with my eyes, to take her out of the room so that I could be fully present to the birthing that was taking place. I needed all of me to bring my son into the world. Gaia is sharing this image to let me know that we are connected. We are going through this transformation together. As I breathe in, I feel her breath. Hence this need for quiet, safe energies to surround me. We are all birthing the new in us. I feel the sacredness and holiness of what is taking place. I am in gratitude to be gifted with the opportunity to witness as well as participate in this event. We are so blessed.