It has been over a week since I have written. I do not know how the time has gone. I have drifted in and out of this reality. Each time I awakened from sleep, it took some time to reconnect. Our other aspects are so busy and I kept asking to awaken to a world as beautiful as the one that I had just left. The beauty is there, it is my perspective that needs tweaking at times.
This image is from a day spent by the river with my son. We were thrilled with the way the plump fluffy white cloud seemed to be trailing wispy tails. It reminded me that there is the aspect of ourselves that we see clearly, (yes that is a solid white cloud) as well as parts of ourselves that are more misty or transparent. We are all of it. The peace and the turmoil, residing side by side. The joy and sorrow. It is all learning and experience. I have experienced pain this week as I resisted what is. I am reminded again that there are orphans inside of me who are asking for recognition as I found myself responding emotionally to a situation. I knew that there was a higher view yet could not reach it. I went to a Easter week meditation where we were asked to let go and forgive on a deeper level than we have ever before. I went to each person who has chosen to not be in communication with me any longer. They are all folks who I love on a deep soul level but have turned from me on a personality level. There was such a sense of peace as I stood with each one and acknowledged our connection and released each of us to our path with gratitude for lessons given. Felt my heart expand and expand in love. Tears rolled down my face as all this took place with lovely music and a deep guiding voice.
Everything conforms to our beliefs. Easter week has seen some old beliefs come up to be dismantled and some new ones step up to take their place. I am letting go of struggle, of not being seen, of a sense of injustice (wow, that was a big one for me). I am embracing these aspects of myself and letting them know that I am accept them as part of me. They helped me at some point on the journey and I honor them for that. I honor my humanness that at times seems in opposition to my spirit. Yet, that is the old separation energy. This new energy is full of ease and grace.
I was visualizing the community that I wish to be a co-creator in. I know that it will manifest if I can hold the vision clearly. The universe must yield to me. I am a creator being. This thought brought up a sense of responsibility…yikes, here it is! Now is the time and it is up to me and no one else to make this happen. Can I do it? There are others depending on me. I felt
the responsibility sit on my shoulders. Wait..that is an energy that I am all too familiar with. It is not my responsibility to create a place for anyone. I have a desire to do so, which is a much softer energy. A desire is desirable! It feels like fun, it opens my heart. This tree of pink dogwood blossoms opened my heart so wide. I felt bathed in beauty. That is the feeling that I want! So my job at present is to imagine my community and how delicious it feels and bring that into physical manifestation. It feels like the energies are finally lining up to allow it. The earth continues to tone her “All is well” tone which settles my heart. I join her with visualizations of communities and cities of light all over this beautiful planet. Where everyone wakes with a song in their heart and the harmony that is created brings tears and laughter.
Tonight I head to bed (was there earlier for a 3 hour nap!) with gratitude for my son’s wisdom. We were to begin the packing up of his apartment but neither of us felt well. Both tired, sore throats, head aches and wanting more sleep. He reminded me that it was the old way to push through and that the energy of the new was to allow it to happen when we were rested and our energies wanted to move. I know this! Yet we need reminders as we flip back and forth before this new finally anchors in. And anchor it will, I can feel it in my cells.
I am taking in big gulps of “I am loved” into my being as I prepare for bed. You are loved. I see your beauty as you are me and I, you.