Thank goodness life changes and we can move into newness. After a few days of “stormy weather” in my being, I am experiencing a peaceful dawn. I had gone into a resistance mode to the sudden onset of physical detox symptoms as well as to the void that I found myself in. Taken together, I was ready to depart this plane. Nothing made sense as I could not touch anything. My usual delight in the simple pleasures of nature and people had departed. My desire for anything was gone, holding a vision seemed too heavy, my body seemed to have revolted and left me flat. What was there to hold onto? My faith that has been my pillar and rod, was sorely tested. I knew that I had come for this very time on this planet. I came to help birth the new earth. It mattered not, I could participate from the other side of the veil where at least I would see the big picture and understand my part in it. Where I would be in my lightbody rather than this physical vessel that felt too heavy and cumbersome. I called out to God to take me home.
She/He did not act on my request. She allowed me to find my own way home again. I am grateful for Her belief in my abilities. I am grateful to be back! I am grateful to smell these blossoms and delight in the colors and form. I am grateful for this tree outside the window. I am grateful for the talk with my son that helped me understand that I am not strong enough to camp in the desert right now. I am grateful for Marlene, the Rainbow Scribe writer, to be back from her vacation and for posting Hilarion’s weekly update that settled my heart this morning. http://www.therainbowscribe.com/hilarion2011.htm
I am grateful for a dear friend who has been my angel for so many years who has once again stepped in to offer me shelter when I need it. I did not want to impose and prayed for the energy to locate a safe space to be in for this transition time when my body needs rest. As my mind wrestled with Craigslist and looked through options, I felt more muddled and confused. But this morning, my guides have shown me that this dear angel is offering what I need and I am to be gracious in receiving. Not having a mother to turn to when you feel like a child who needs nurturing, has been my experience for the past 30 years of my life. I have had Mother Mary who has rocked me in her arms more times than I can count but I was in need of something on this physical plane. This friend has been that mother energy to me. How fortunate I am that she has continued to love and support me through all my changes.
I am embracing this void as the next stage in my evolution to becoming the butterfly that I am. I had thought that the five months of hibernation in San Francisco would have done the job but there is more to do. The chrysalis is breaking open, which was the impetus to packing my car and moving once again. I felt the faint stirring of air on my newly grown wings. I took that as a sign that I was ready to soar. When I came crashing down, I wanted out of the whole game. I felt cheated, manipulated, used. Every time I was in the magic and miracles realm, it disappeared before my eyes. And believe me, I had entered that realm time and time again over the past couple of years with my whole heart singing its song of love and oneness. Yet the vibrations around me did not yield and I was back in the lifting mode. Enough!
I see now what I had missed. I have watched a butterfly emerge from its cocoon. It struggles to break free from that confining crust. That takes energy a plenty. It then rests and oh so gently begins to unfold its wings. Even when the wings have opened and dried in the air, there remains a period of stillness as it adjusts to its new form. I can recall the butterfly sitting so peacefully in the sun. No longer struggling with the cocoon yet not ready for flight. I was dazzled that I could hold out my finger and it would gently climb aboard and rest with me. So open and vulnerable and trusting.
That is me. I am craving stillness and rest as I unfold these new wings and adjust to life in a new form. I feel hyper sensitive to energies and vibrations. It feels like I have no skin, no boundaries in this new body. There is still detoxing to go through as the physical vehicle is being changed to its new crystalline form. I am in the process of metamorphosis. As I breathe into this new space and see myself as that butterfly, I feel such compassion for myself and all my brothers and sisters on this planet. We are so courageous and beautiful. We open our hearts wide and trust that life will treat us gently. We know that is our birthright, to live in a world that supports and embraces open hearts of love. Where there is no need of defenses nor boundaries as there is only love.
The tears and gratitude flow as my heart expands in this new space of love. I can embrace myself as I unfold these gossamer wings of light, that I now know, will carry me into the light of the new land.