Saturday was the dark side of the new moon and so time for shadow stuff to come up. Mine did in a big way. I felt irritable, my mind wanted some control back, wanted to push and pull things into submission. I felt anxiety run through me. It was interesting to witness as I had not felt these emotions in some time as I have shifted into more of an allowing mode. But there they all were, as bold and brassy as you please, demanding attention. I was driving to have breakfast with friends. Google maps showed that Hwy 1 on the coast took the same time as driving inland on Hwy 101. I started off, it was foggy so it seemed that 101 was the best route as it was direct with few turns. My hit was to take it. My mind then taunted me, “Oh, taking the safe route. Why not drive along the coast, the fog may lift. You can follow the directions you wrote out, be bolder.” When my mind is a bit spacey, I tend to take the easier route so as to not have to think. Took the scenic route, fog did lift and the ocean was its magnificent blue self rolling in. Then came the road up into the canyon which curved and jogged along for miles and miles. Many miles past google’s description, and my irritation levels rose higher and higher as Maxie and I climbed the canyon. Finally called to see if I was anywhere in the vicinity of my friends. Arrived with a big sigh of relief. Day floated on by, Eagle was interviewed by a guy who has traveled the world interviewing spiritual
leaders.Eagle had been doing lots of interviews on this trip and the excitement this time was that after initialing refusing to be interviewed, his partner, Shannon agreed to participate. Lovely to see a sister stepping into her power! I encouraged her to step into her role and she encouraged me to let go of heartache and begin to get out there with the men, shining my feminine light. These were the folks who were with me when the last relationship began. Of course, the universe lines it all up for the release at the perfect time! I love how it all works. I was gifted with affirmations of how far I had journeyed on my path which is always so good to hear. I was encouraged and supported and loved even though I asked Chief if I could help him get into his “costume” when it is called “ceremonial regalia”. Sparked a discussion of honoring all things, all paths and how vocabulary can limit the heart’s intent. Eagle loves to joke and laugh so it was all good.
I had also taken time in the day to have an angel reading with a new young friend that I had made on facebook. I love supporting folks who are doing
their heart work so I had scheduled a reading. The time came not long after I arrived at the house where my friends were staying. Cancel the call or take it? Took some letting go for me to go outside and talk for 45 minutes. Totally against my “good guest” mode but it felt right to do. Decided to relax into it. A lovely experience. Archangel Metatron showed up which was fun as I had recently been speaking to him in my mind. He gave me assurance and told me that there was one thing I had forgotten. He said that I knew how to connect to Gaia’s heart and give her love but did not take the time to allow her to gift me. He said that she needed my permission to give me her gifts. That was a revelation and it has been a new and beautiful experience for me. Our mother earth wants to show us her love, just as we desire to honor her. Lovely! I was reminded that I can manifest my heart’s desire through my joy. Truly time to let go of any expectations of the timing or look of anything that I desire in my life. Be the joy and peace and all will come. I KNOW this deep inside but it felt far away at this moment as frustration, irritation, and anxiety strutted their stuff.
I left before dinner as I had planned on staying with a friend that was 3 hour drive away. I had expected to arrive in the early afternoon and now it would be 9 pm. The anxious energy that was running in me, kept me thinking of the next step instead of staying present. That can be the burden of plans yet meeting up with folks that I love is a joy. Fortunately, I am blessed with friends who get that I may or may not show up as planned. I was wishing that I had stayed for the night but as I drove I spoke with a friend who helped me release all this intense energy that was running through me. I realized that I needed the time alone in the car. I love to be with folks but then I need to be with myself to process the energy and come back to my own center. Especially all this new moon energy that was throwing me for a loop!
I drove along, stating my intentions to the universe and using my friend’s new tool. Instead of simply “releasing” my mental programming around control, I could state my gratitude for how it had helped me feel safe in my life, and then hand it up to my angels to place it in my akashic records. It was part of me, I did not have to negate it or toss it. I could simply hand it up to go in the records as a part of my life. It had a gentler and more honoring quality to me. I was amazed at all that came up to go in the record book. I do not have to carry these habits any longer. I witnessed how they had served me and then allowed them a place to reside. The drive flew by as I was busy, crying and laughing. As each thing was placed in the records, I felt lighter and lighter. Freedom blew in the window and each breath I took felt deeper. I was so ready for an upgrade! Ready to move from my head to my heart. I want to live and move solely from my heart. I want to speak the language of love, be love, feel love, receive love.
I felt so happy and light. I told my friend that I felt that I was finally not too much nor too little, that I was just right for this time on the planet. She laughed and said that I was like Goldilocks, I did not have to sleep in the bed that was too hard nor too soft, but could cuddle up in the one that was “just right” for me! Nothing was too hot or too cold, all was “just right”. What a relief! Truly for the first time in this life, I feel that I belong. I know that I have gifts to give and that I was born to this time. I know how to move in this energy and to begin this co-creative process that we are embarking on with Gaia. My heart sings with this knowledge and the joy is immense. Hear me, oh universe, I AM grateful!
When I arrived at my next spot, my phone kept ringing. I did not want to speak, having just arrived and needing to connect with my friend before collapsing in bed. It had been an intense few days and the intense head pressure and nausea were still present. I finally took the call at my friend’s request to end the ringing (could have turned it off) to check on someone dear to me. She needed me to help her shift a big upset in her life. I told her I loved her but simply had no energy at the moment. A big boundary setting experience for me as I knew that she was hurting. Honoring my needs before another’s, has been a steep learning curve for me. I told her that I could speak in the morning. Another layer to an already multi-layered day.
The next morning was the new moon and it was with such joy that my friend and I climbed the nearby hill to honor the occasion. We dressed in her belly dancing skirts so that we
could be wind chimes on the walk. She is a fairy child and knows how to play in a big way! I took my ceremonial pouch and laid out a crystal mandala, we made an offering of tobacco, took off our shoes and danced and sang on the rocks. It was so lovely to see the misty morning come alive. I asked which crystal wanted to be gifted to the earth, and sent it flying into the bush with love and gratitude. We packed up and skipped and danced our way down the hill. Here is my friend dancing along in her beautiful colors. I love how free she is in her joy. She gives others permission to be in their joy as they see her feminine beauty expressing itself. It is time to be our authentic selves and not hold back for fear of what some might think . To set boundaries though others might not understand why. To flow with life’s timing rather than following the linear dictates of society. So much is up for change and movement. We have been taught to play small when in truth, we are mighty beings who crave freedom above all else. This new moon is in Aries, a time of new beginnings. Time to step boldly and claim the beauty of who we truly are. I am seeing myself more clearly and I am so beautiful!