This was one of the pieces from the art and flower exhibit I attended last week. It speaks to me on a deep level. The veins in the leaves are made out of branches and twigs. The image of leaves is outlined by real leaves, one thing forming another. Am I the leaf or am I the branch? The leaves are transparent, like I am becoming. Am I Spirit or am I this body? It is the illusion within the illusion.
Each day, I am discovering on a deeper level to trust life. I believe that my higher self, has my highest good in mind at all times. It “has my back” in a manner of speaking. I was talking with a couple of friends recently about this new space that we are in. I am finding that my personality self with its likes and dislikes, is being overruled by my soul. The personality self can be a bit “grittchy” as one of my dear friends describes it, during this time. She is about to celebrate a decade birthday and for a reason that her personality could not figure out, she decided not to go to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins and sing with a singer/teacher that she loves. This would have been a dream come true but her soul would not go for it. Another friend finds herself in a work environment that her personality self finds difficult to concentrate in, yet her soul is happy at the arrangement. I have been in hermit mode and my social self has looked at classes and activities with some longing yet my soul is happy playing in my heart each day.
More and more of our true nature is inhabiting our bodies these days. Our souls are shining through and wanting the freedom to dance with the universe in a new way. We have all lived parts of our lives with our daytimers scheduled to the max. Being busy became almost a status symbol. Our appointment books were stuffed to the gills with nary a free moment. We used the business of our lives to keep us from connecting to our hearts. We could operate on automatic pilot, moving from one task to the next, checking items off as we went. I was numb for many years in this way. Operating like a robot, so that I did not have to feel that pain in my heart. I even treated my body like a machine, doing “power” yoga or hot yoga a few times a week. I pushed my body to “get it in shape” rather than listened to my body and its needs. A true yoga practice of breath and gentle postures would have benefited me much more to counteract the pressure of my work environment. After I left that life, I recall doing sunrise yoga in India at the K-12 school where I was staying for 3 months. The schools all employed a yoga master to lead classes. At this school, they were held at dawn. The master taught meditation, breathing, and sun salutations where you were really saluting the rising sun!! He laughed when I showed him some of the yoga poses and described the hour and a half heated sessions. He said, “You Americans train your bodies like machines. Yoga is not an athletic sport. Yoga is connecting to the Divine.” What a revelation! My heart knew joy as I have always wanted to connect to the Divine. That is the yearning in my soul, to be taken to God.
My life at present is about trusting. Today when someone told me of how their life shifted in new and exciting ways, my personality asked, “Hey, what about me? Where is my excitement?” This person had been gifted some money, won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas, been offered a job that she would love, and had discovered a new level of making love with her boyfriend! All in one day! I was thrilled for her (don’t you find it so much easier to truly feel a deep joy for others as we realize more deeply that we are all one?) but my personality did a split second comparison loop. In the next breath, my soul settled in and felt that love flowing in my heart. Ahhhh, this is where it is at for me right now. This is my truth and my soul knows it. I know that everything that I have dreamed of, is on its way to me. Actually, I am on the “or better” program. I tell the universe and my higher self what I desire with the words, “this or better” added on. My imagination is not as fertile as I would like. I want what I cannot imagine, a world that exceeds my expectations in every way! I do not want to be limited by what I can dream, I know that there is more for me than that. And more for everyone, a world of abundance, harmony and love. Because my more, involves everyone’s more. I want the joy of waking up knowing that everyone is waking up to a world where their needs are being met. I am also trusting divine timing in all of it. I have let go of pushing at the timeline or pulling at an agenda. There is no more push or pull or using our will. That energy does not hold anymore. I do not have to worry about when my community will come into fruition or my beloved will appear. I know that it will all come in the perfect time for me and that I am in the flow that will lead me there. I have surrendered to it. What a relief when I shifted into this new way of being!
So I am going direct with my guidance. I know that everything that I need will show up in my life. My part is to listen and follow that guidance when it comes. Knowing that my mind could not organize nor orchestrate things as beautifully as my higher self can. This inward time has opened me to connecting to my heart in a way that I did not know was possible. I can feel our mother’s heart in a new way, even living in a city environment. That amazes me but it is true. I know that my heart is being entrained to Gaia’s and the universe’s spacious stillness. I know that part of my path is to be the still point, the calm in these times of change. Many hearts are holding this. I am one of them. I have been in heart training this past winter. My daughter is an athlete who trains a couple or few hours most days. She competes in an individual sport and it takes a great deal of focus to stay motivated and push herself. The biggest thing is to be consistent each day in doing her physical activities. The same is true for heart training. I do not follow any schedule as I flow with where I feel moved to and this is an essential part of the practice. I spend time in meditation each day, whether that is sitting with my eyes closed and taking a sunbath or walking in the park or lying in my bed before arising and connecting in to Source. I am present with beauty as it arises in my world, allowing it to fill me. I am in the moments and there is a sweetness to that. All pieces of my training that bring me closer to my goal of oneness with all that is.
Today I was delighted that my body wanted to go for a run. It has been years since that desire came on for more than a minute or two. I like to walk, but running has pretty much disappeared from my world. It felt too energetic to my slower moving pace. Today, it was raining and I craved being out in it. I wanted to run in it and feel it differently than walking. I jogged down to and around the neighborhood park. Came back wet and happy. Even did some stretches afterwards. Felt good to feel that level of energy moving in my body again. Will it be there tomorrow? No idea but I enjoyed each moment of its expression today. I thanked my body for performing so well. Gave her a long hot shower and lavender oil rubbed on. She was happy! I like to give her what she wants in gratitude for all that she does for me. I trust her as I am trusting my soul. Our bodies hold so much wisdom and know how to connect us back to Source. Lately my body wants potatoes, greens, and bread. I love the sourdough bread of San Francisco! Oh, not to forget chocolate chip/walnut oatmeal cookies..homemade. I let her have whatever it is as I trust that it is what I need. I hold my hands out at the market and whatever feels “right” to me, is what ends up in the basket. I cannot see the energy around the food as many can but I can feel it in my palms.
Hail on the windows, wow! Going to stand on the landing and feel this! I love being in this body on this earth.