Laughing at Myself

This image was taken from the observation tower of the De Young Art Museum. For me, it is a new perspective on a reflecting pool. When I can gain some distance from my actions, I can discover a new view that allows a shift into a new way of being. I am grateful for these shifts, for all the myriad ways that they come to me. They allow me to see my beauty and life anew.

What a weekend! Storms and sunshine, energy streaming in. I had a beautiful first day of Spring, took a walk to the local park where the playground was under water and the ground was muddy but folks were out enjoying the sunshine. Joined in some equinox meditations online, spoke with a couple of dear friends, enjoyed time with my son. Felt that this was a day to remember as we are witnessing the birth of the New Earth. It felt a sacred and holy weekend to me.

This morning, a friend’s blog post helped shift me out of my recent fear provoked preparedness actions. I did not believe that I was operating out of fear as I have not felt that something would happen yet what did prompt my actions? There had to have been a kernel of fear that was activated. Here is the blog post that has given me a good laugh and shake this morning:

Whew, another lesson under my belt! My daughter came in fresh from her weekend away and ribbed me a bit about it. All of my kids had wondered at my actions and humored me along. My daughter pointed out that folks love the adrenaline rush of preparedness. Of thinking of disasters and survival and pitting themselves against the elements. Yes, there was that old hit of adrenaline that kicked in. I lived most of my life addicted to that way of being. Always on the alert, hyper aware of everything and everyone so as to be able to spring into action. It is a fear based operating system that we are moving out of as a society. Most of us do not live in a world where the tiger is going to eat us but our fears course through our bodies with that same rush of chemicals that say our lives are in danger. This leads to all sorts of stress induced illnesses. I have found that moving out of the adrenaline reaction (for the most part!) has felt like a void of sorts. The neutral place takes some getting used to as it felt so foreign to me. It is where I want to live though as it is where peace has the opportunity to reside.

So, the stuff. My daughter pointed out that it will come in handy for summer camping. She wants the water purifying pills and duffel bag for her upcoming trip to Mexico, the mini lantern and stove are camping items that I left back east and needed to replace for this summer’s trips. Yes, our pantry is full but we do go through beans, rice and nuts pretty quickly as the kids are so athletic and active that they consume a lot of fuel. Now we can just go to the local market for our daily vegies to add to the mix.

So, all is well that ends well. I love getting shifts in my paradigms and thought process. It reminded me of a mantra I had with my kids growing up, take action but know why you are taking an action. Be conscious of what is driving you. Not easy to do at times as this recent action of mine pointed out. If I felt the need to prepare, I was believing that I would not always have enough. My life for the past few years has been about walking that trust walk, believing that I am always provided for. So continual refining and shifting the layers to bring all of me into alignment with me. Loving myself when I veer, reassuring myself when a new layer of fear is unearthed.

I am getting many experiences of late that are reminding me to tune in more closely to the voice of my soul. To hone my discernment and come into greater alignment with myself. My ego that gets attached to the idea of being “awakened” , gets shook up and I can laugh at myself. This has been happening more and more these past few weeks as I move out of duality and into the oneness. A step forward, two back, then three forward and back again. It is the dance of life as we move closer and closer to our essence. We are birthing ourselves now and it is all new uncharted territory. We are pioneers of our interior landscapes and it takes fortitude and courage to move ever onward.

We are seeing earthquakes and uprisings in the external world. It is a mirror of our internal worlds. We are shifting and changing at an amazing rate. Clearing and releasing and learning to be. Who knew that at the age of 55 , I would have the chance to be reborn. What a privilege. I am grateful for each moment of it!

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