Spring Cleaning, inside and out!

Lesser egret along the swiftly moving river. He had beautiful yellow feet, a yellow tint on his long legs and yellow markings around his eyes. Quite the dandy looking fellow!

A beautiful spring day. I began with a lovely cup of coffee at a dear friend’s house where I had spent the night. It was a treat to share her and her hubby’ s art and light filled space the night before. We had had fun cooking dinner together after an afternoon picnic down by the river. Laying back on our blanket after eating our sandwiches and cookies, we were content to sigh and drift on the sounds of the running river at our feet and the birds calling in the air. We saw two black butterflies flitting about and after quite an enchanting dance, they mated in mid-air. Later on our walk, we noticed a hawk in a tree, our eyes followed as he flew to another branch where his lady love sat. They began their mating act, high above us. No wonder I am falling in love with everything these days. Truly spring is in the air!

I said goodbye to my friend and went off to the dentist for a cleaning. This was taking care of myself in an overdue area. My friend had marveled that I was able to get an appointment on such short notice ( I called the afternoon before). I appreciated her comment as it reminded me to be grateful for the way life is lining up for me these days. I have become used to it yet do want to remain aware and appreciative of each synchronicity and blessing in my life as they happen. I know that what I focus on expands and I am expanding this flow in my life.

One of the things that came up with my friend was the weight of her office “mess”. I did not
see it as she said that it was off limits and she used the word, shame to describe how it made her feel. This was a red flag to me as it is time to let go of shame, guilt, blame…all of it. I recalled that this had been a weight that she had spoken of a year or two before so mentioned that perhaps it was time to release it. We spoke of how paperwork can seem personal and how would anyone else know how to sort through it all. I told her that there were folks who loved to organize and set up systems who would know exactly how to approach the task. I suggested that she gift herself by hiring such a person. She said that she would think about it. I believe that it is time to do whatever we can to let go of things that weigh on us. Literally, they do weigh down our energy. They are usually tasks that we are not gifted at. I know that I spent time feeling guilty that I did not know how to be “smart” about finances. It was not an area that interested me. We each have beautiful gifts and it is time to recognize what ours are and what they are not. We can use the services of others in our community, supporting them to utilize their gifts as we are supported to use ours. Money is energy and freeing yourself from an emotional burden, is worth far more than an object or a dinner out. Spend your energy (i.e. money) in ways that liberate you. Spring cleaning is a healthy thing to do on an energetic level as well as the physical level. We can pare down, de-clutter and simplify the space inside and around us.

It is a symptom of modern life to walk about with burdens that are ever present. As much as possible, now is the time to do whatever is necessary to identify and let go of our burdens. To be in the present moment requires that all of us show up. When we carry worries and concerns, some part of us is engaged in carrying that baggage. I know that I have been graced with a life free of many of my former concerns as I no longer own much of anything and my family is grown. It has been a huge freedom for me and I believe a big boost in my ability to be in the present. I have a yearly car insurance bill which is required to register a car in California, my cell phone and credit card bill (I like the ease it provides when I am traveling). Even two things a month, seems too much to me at times. I do not like my mind to be taken up with many details as I need so much space to drift in. Lately the drifting is so delightful that I want to be free to be there more and more. It is a quiet, peaceful space that is filled with a sense of well being.

Modern life takes so much energy. There is all the time spent doing the work that brings in the money to operate the home, then the buying and maintenance of the things that fill the home, the care of the garden, the house interior and exterior, the pets, children, the paperwork, bills and all the rest. We are meant to know how to do it all and keep it all moving. Truly, we have been enslaved by a system that requires us to spend so much of our energy simply to exist. Once you step out of it a bit, the lies that we have been fed about what constitutes a successful life, begin to show themselves. There has to be a better way.

The birds sitting high up on their nests (on the middle tree, far in the distance) know a better way. They are at one with their environment and one another.

The new earth that we are stepping into will be one where we have so much less. And yet we will find that we have so much more. More time to enjoy one another, more freedom to create, more sharing and more space in our heads. Spring is here and inviting us to shed our winter coats and expose ourselves to the sunlight. Therein lies the metaphor for embracing this new light. Shed all that you can; possessions, habits, thoughts, emotions. All that no longer serves who you are becoming. Expose your hearts and throw your arms wide to the sunlight that is streaming in. It is the light of our Mother/Father God wanting to fill us with love. Let us make room for this love and transform ourselves and our earth. Oh, the beauty that awaits takes my breath away!

Spring Expansion

A new day, a new dawn. We have truly stepped into a new world. The clarity is flowing in and will continue to open us all to our higher truths. Peace is beginning to permeate the planet from deep inside our mother’s heart. It is asking us all to find peace in our lives on many levels. I had a phone call from someone who was once a friend. As I have shifted my vibration over the years, many friends have dropped away and new ones have come into my world. This used to be emotional for me. I had this feeling that I had to hang on to everyone that I loved. The parting was wrenching for me. I have learned over the years to flow with life more and understand the cycle of beginnings and endings. All is in divine order. It is the way of the universe. Nature offers us such a gift if we take the time to look. Her constant cycle of growth and decay is a schoolroom for us to study in. She does not try to hang onto her leaves when autumn comes, this butterfly did not decide that change was too scary so let’s stay in the chrysalis. No, she expanded her wings, fragile as they were, into the light of the new day.

Due to the nature of who I am, as these friends have dropped away over the years, there has often been an energy of anger directed at me. The other fears the change they see in me and use the anger as a weapon, hoping to keep me contained and their world steady. At first, this was hard to bear and my heart has experienced many sorrow filled moments due to this. Yet, I have come to see what is behind the anger and know that it is not personal to me. The other day, an old friend called to apologize for this. It was a sweet call and we were able to communicate the love and caring that had always been there. Truly it is a matter of vibration. As our vibrations change, we no longer resonate in the same way and it becomes increasingly uncomfortable for both parties which is what provokes the break. There is no blame or shame in this, it is simply a universal law. Like attracts like and we are in a state of constant motion to an ever evolving state of oneness with Source. We are all in our perfect place, receiving the lessons that we need to move us closer to our best and grandest version of ourselves.

I am letting go of the idea that I am too much for everyone. I am finding folks that resonate where I do and I am just right for them! My higher self is giving more and more glimpses into my own beauty and radiance. This is a new energy, not ego based. I am seeing my power and claiming it in a way that would have felt like aggrandizement to me prior to this. I am understanding my truth and no longer being surprised by the company that I keep. I am understanding the beauty of my energy field and how many folks want a piece of it. I am learning discernment. I am honoring myself by choosing who and what I allow to enter my field.

The past two days have held some sadness as I am letting go of where I have been. My daughter came home from her weekend away saying that she felt a need for more space. All three of us have known on some level, that our time together was coming to an end. I had felt the web around me vibrating with some new movement. It did not crystallize until my daughter articulated her feelings. All of a sudden, my inner knowing lit up and I knew that Maxie (my faithful 16 year old car) and I were to be traveling in the world again. A wave of grief went through me and my son, daughter and I hugged and gave gratitude for the gift of

these past few months. I had come for a few days stay and had remained for five months. None of us foresaw that but it is what came to pass. We created a mini community of support and nurturing love. So, I am not quite sure of the dance or flow at this moment but know that there will not be weeks of time remaining in San Francisco. I will pop back to take stock of the things that have gathered around me in this length of time (yes, books and art and stuff) and sort and let go so as to travel light once again. I am heading to Ventura, in Southern California later this week for a workshop and my knowing says that there is something for me to experience there. I have no idea where I will be led but am trusting the process once again. A wave of uncertainty presses in as I float out into this untethered place once again. I breathe deep and reassure myself out loud, “You are fine, love. One step at a time and all is well. Trust the process.” My heartlight is turned on and I am following its beam.

Stepping into Mastery

This is a mural on the side of house that Jimi Hendrix’s lived in in Haight Ashbury. My daughter used to live in a room in this house. I was a bit young for the flower child time but it seems that Jimi expressed as much Jimi as he could in his very short life. He died at age 27 but he is considered to be the greatest electric guitarist of his time. He fit his piece of the puzzle into the whole. He was being his Jiminess.

Today was my first time out at in a group setting in quite awhile. I went to an all day workshop by Lee Harris. He did a beautiful video of 2011, http://www.youtube.com/user/LeeHarrisEnergy )and writes monthly energy updates. Young man from England, very sensitive and sweet energy. He channels a few beings and so we experienced a couple of those channelings today. The focus was on caring for our bodies as we go through these intense times of planetary and personal release of so much fear and negativity. Our bodies are the tools through which the energy gets processed. Water is the conductor which flushes the energy through our systems. So, yes, tonight I am drinking glass after glass of water as there was a great deal of energy moving through the group today. I have had an appreciation of my body elemental (yes. it is an elemental just like the fairies, undines, gnomes and all the rest) for some time now but it is a good reminder to check in often as to what it needs and what it is telling us. Our bodies are a storehouse of wisdom, of our stories, of so much of who we are. The channels emphasized the importance of giving yourself body work such as massage or reiki to help move energies that are releasing as well as dancing, running, swimming or whatever brings your body joy as it moves. For me, I know that my body is craving hot water. Anyone want to go to the hot springs with me? I need a long day of soaking and sauna. I can feel my body asking and I have told her that in the next couple of days, we will do this.

A couple of tools were given for releasing energies. One was to put your issues, problems, concerns into a balloon, see it floating above you and imagine cutting the string that ties it to you. Allowing the old energies to float away. They stressed that you did not need concern yourself with letting go as anything that was needed, would definitely show up again in your world. Another tool was imagining ourselves in a hot air balloon, riding in the sky, letting g
o of the weights inside so as to ride higher and higher. The weights were packages that as you picked them up, you asked them to tell you what they were before dropping them over the side. They were my concerns or recycled thoughts about an issue that I could now let go of. As Lee was channeling this scene, before he got to the second package, I had already tossed all
of mine overboard in my imagination. I was so ready to be free and to fly higher!

As the hot air balloon rose, we came closer and closer to the sun. We were bathed in the sun, it was calling to us. I began to sob as it felt like it was calling me home. I filled myself with its energy and we were instructed to keep that energy for ourselves, to nourish ourselves as we go through these challenging times. I am going to remember to return to this meditation in my mind, this refilling my center with the sun’s energy. Allowing myself to be the sun, radiating my light into the world.

Lee made a good point as he said that we are all feeling the trauma of losing some of our brothers and sisters. Even though we know that all that is transpiring is part of the ascension of our planet and ourselves, we still grieve the loss. We have to be gentle with ourselves as we honor our grieving process. We are all one and it is being felt more and more. We are feeling
our hearts opening wide with the divine love that is streaming in. The disasters fuel this love and compassion on a global scale. Picture of part of the city in the mist as I walked to the workshop today.

We are in the time of mastery. We are being asked to step up and be more of who we truly are. We are being asked to shine our lights and no longer hide for fear of censure or rejection. It is time to speak our truths, master our thoughts and let our heart lights shine. We want to live in a world of peace, harmony, abundance for all and so much joy and love. So we have to have a mind that thinks peaceful thoughts, a heart that embraces one another as self, eyes that see through the mist of the personality to the beauty shining there, ears that hear the fearful child when anger is being expressed and arms that can reach out and hold the other through those fears so that harmony can sing its notes. We do not have to carry the weight of the world, yet we are responsible for our own weight that adds to the world’s. We have to carry the weight of our interior world.

To have a peaceful world, our inner landscape needs to reflect that peace which we choose. That means peace in all of our relationships, whether we do that on a physical level or energetic one, it matters not. What matters is coming to a place of peace and resolution in our
hearts. We are past the time when we can carry grudges, resentments, old hurts. All must be released if we are to birth this new earth for ourselves and the generations to come. We are being asked to care for ourselves first and foremost which goes against the training that most of us were raised with. We are being asked to honor our deepest desires and no longer give our energy away to support someone else’s dream. We are being asked to step out of the old service mentality that has been deeply imprinted in many of us. This is a paradox and one that caused me much confusion as I tried to understand it. What is true for me now is that my first responsibility is to my own happiness and joy. If I am to emanate love and joy, my tanks have to be filled with what brings me that joy. I know that doing for others, caring for others can bring joy but so often it gets out of balance. Especially for women who have that care taking role deeply ingrained as well as some men who express more of their feminine energies. This forces me to look at why I am doing something. Is it because it brings me great joy or because I think that I should do it? Do I do it because it makes others believe that I am a nice person? Do I do it so as to not create conflict or difficulty? Amazing how much of my life was lived out of duty. The patterns still show up occasionally but I recognize them quickly and can move in a more authentic direction.

I had a reading a couple of years ago to discover what my core wound was. I was told it was duty. I believed that I had a duty to do good, to be good, to serve. I had to turn it around to duty to self. To care for myself, to honor my passions and desires and put myself first. Once I did this (a learning process that continues) I have begun to see that the greatest service that I can offer the planet, is being the most Linda that I can be. Dancing, shining, twirling my Lindaness out into the world. Does it seem too simple? If I am in my joy, the world can be in joy. If I am expressing gratitude, the world is expressing gratitude. How simple and sweet it all is.

There was a young man who had traveled all the way from Mexico City for this workshop. He had the most soulful eyes and open heart. He felt so alone in his city and country as he had no one who thought like he did. He had found Lee on line so had made the journey to have an opportunity to connect. He spoke with Lee and shared how he had cared for his mother through an illness and was now caring for his girlfriend through hers. He wanted to leave his relationship with the girl but felt guilt due to her illness. Lee helped him to see that we can get caught up in believing that there is no one else to do the job. That it must be ours when if we truly believe in a limitless universe, we would know that another would be sent in our place. Sometimes we have to step down or out of a role in order for someone else to have the opportunity to grow into that role. If we follow our heart’s desire, it will lead to our highest good and that can only be for the highest good of all. It is not possible for our highest good to be in contradiction to anyone else’s. In this unity consciousness that we are entering, only that which is for the highest good of all, will grow and be sustained. Our egos can lead us to believe that we are irreplaceable and a job must fall to us, even if we do not like it. Our ego is being fed with the idea that we are doing good but we do so much more by doing what brings us joy.

The truth is that we each carry a gift that no other has. We each have a piece of the grand
puzzle. If I am busy helping you fit your piece in neatly, I am leaving a void where my piece belongs. That is the wonder and magic of the Divine, of our Creator. That what is our greatest joy, what makes our heart sing, is our piece of the puzzle. That simply floors me! What I love to do, what seems as simple as breathing, what makes time stand still…that very thing is my piece of the puzzle to contribute. Whew, what a relief! You could see this young man’s face as he felt the relief, the permission to move in the direction of his own joy. As Lee told him, your friends and family may resist your moving from Mexico (he knew that he must leave, it was not his place on the earth) but in time, they will see how good it was for all. This young man will bring his joy back with him when he returns for visits and will open the door for others to find the courage to make a move for their heart’s desire.

A full day for which I am grateful. Shared some talk and laughter with a few of the women over a yummy Indian food lunch. Enjoyed the meditations and inner journeying. Lee felt that I would be rooted somewhere within in the next three or four months (yes, my community wil
l be birthed!) and he affirmed my heart’s ability to create love on any level that I desired. I

shared a deep connection with Alejandro and will begin an email and facebook correspondence with him. He needs community and support and the Internet makes that
possible. I have a knowing that I will see him again. The deep looking and seeing of one another’s hearts was a jewel that I pocketed. I collect these jewels and string them on a necklace that I take out at night before sleep. I finger each jewel lovingly and feel gratitude for each one’s beauty and light. My gratitude necklace that adorns me with heart light.
This was part of a piece of art that I saw the other day. I loved the jewels and colors and patterns!

Trusting that the Universe Has My Back

This was one of the pieces from the art and flower exhibit I attended last week. It speaks to me on a deep level. The veins in the leaves are made out of branches and twigs. The image of leaves is outlined by real leaves, one thing forming another. Am I the leaf or am I the branch? The leaves are transparent, like I am becoming. Am I Spirit or am I this body? It is the illusion within the illusion.

Each day, I am discovering on a deeper level to trust life. I believe that my higher self, has my highest good in mind at all times. It “has my back” in a manner of speaking. I was talking with a couple of friends recently about this new space that we are in. I am finding that my personality self with its likes and dislikes, is being overruled by my soul. The personality self can be a bit “grittchy” as one of my dear friends describes it, during this time. She is about to celebrate a decade birthday and for a reason that her personality could not figure out, she decided not to go to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins and sing with a singer/teacher that she loves. This would have been a dream come true but her soul would not go for it. Another friend finds herself in a work environment that her personality self finds difficult to concentrate in, yet her soul is happy at the arrangement. I have been in hermit mode and my social self has looked at classes and activities with some longing yet my soul is happy playing in my heart each day.

More and more of our true nature is inhabiting our bodies these days. Our souls are shining through and wanting the freedom to dance with the universe in a new way. We have all lived parts of our lives with our daytimers scheduled to the max. Being busy became almost a status symbol. Our appointment books were stuffed to the gills with nary a free moment. We used the business of our lives to keep us from connecting to our hearts. We could operate on automatic pilot, moving from one task to the next, checking items off as we went. I was numb for many years in this way. Operating like a robot, so that I did not have to feel that pain in my heart. I even treated my body like a machine, doing “power” yoga or hot yoga a few times a week. I pushed my body to “get it in shape” rather than listened to my body and its needs. A true yoga practice of breath and gentle postures would have benefited me much more to counteract the pressure of my work environment. After I left that life, I recall doing sunrise yoga in India at the K-12 school where I was staying for 3 months. The schools all employed a yoga master to lead classes. At this school, they were held at dawn. The master taught meditation, breathing, and sun salutations where you were really saluting the rising sun!! He laughed when I showed him some of the yoga poses and described the hour and a half heated sessions. He said, “You Americans train your bodies like machines. Yoga is not an athletic sport. Yoga is connecting to the Divine.” What a revelation! My heart knew joy as I have always wanted to connect to the Divine. That is the yearning in my soul, to be taken to God.

My life at present is about trusting. Today when someone told me of how their life shifted in new and exciting ways, my personality asked, “Hey, what about me? Where is my excitement?” This person had been gifted some money, won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas, been offered a job that she would love, and had discovered a new level of making love with her boyfriend! All in one day! I was thrilled for her (don’t you find it so much easier to truly feel a deep joy for others as we realize more deeply that we are all one?) but my personality did a split second comparison loop. In the next breath, my soul settled in and felt that love flowing in my heart. Ahhhh, this is where it is at for me right now. This is my truth and my soul knows it. I know that everything that I have dreamed of, is on its way to me. Actually, I am on the “or better” program. I tell the universe and my higher self what I desire with the words, “this or better” added on. My imagination is not as fertile as I would like. I want what I cannot imagine, a world that exceeds my expectations in every way! I do not want to be limited by what I can dream, I know that there is more for me than that. And more for everyone, a world of abundance, harmony and love. Because my more, involves everyone’s more. I want the joy of waking up knowing that everyone is waking up to a world where their needs are being met. I am also trusting divine timing in all of it. I have let go of pushing at the timeline or pulling at an agenda. There is no more push or pull or using our will. That energy does not hold anymore. I do not have to worry about when my community will come into fruition or my beloved will appear. I know that it will all come in the perfect time for me and that I am in the flow that will lead me there. I have surrendered to it. What a relief when I shifted into this new way of being!

So I am going direct with my guidance. I know that everything that I need will show up in my life. My part is to listen and follow that guidance when it comes. Knowing that my mind could not organize nor orchestrate things as beautifully as my higher self can. This inward time has opened me to connecting to my heart in a way that I did not know was possible. I can feel our mother’s heart in a new way, even living in a city environment. That amazes me but it is true. I know that my heart is being entrained to Gaia’s and the universe’s spacious stillness. I know that part of my path is to be the still point, the calm in these times of change. Many hearts are holding this. I am one of them. I have been in heart training this past winter. My daughter is an athlete who trains a couple or few hours most days. She competes in an individual sport and it takes a great deal of focus to stay motivated and push herself. The biggest thing is to be consistent each day in doing her physical activities. The same is true for heart training. I do not follow any schedule as I flow with where I feel moved to and this is an essential part of the practice. I spend time in meditation each day, whether that is sitting with my eyes closed and taking a sunbath or walking in the park or lying in my bed before arising and connecting in to Source. I am present with beauty as it arises in my world, allowing it to fill me. I am in the moments and there is a sweetness to that. All pieces of my training that bring me closer to my goal of oneness with all that is.

Today I was delighted that my body wanted to go for a run. It has been years since that desire came on for more than a minute or two. I like to walk, but running has pretty much disappeared from my world. It felt too energetic to my slower moving pace. Today, it was raining and I craved being out in it. I wanted to run in it and feel it differently than walking. I jogged down to and around the neighborhood park. Came back wet and happy. Even did some stretches afterwards. Felt good to feel that level of energy moving in my body again. Will it be there tomorrow? No idea but I enjoyed each moment of its expression today. I thanked my body for performing so well. Gave her a long hot shower and lavender oil rubbed on. She was happy! I like to give her what she wants in gratitude for all that she does for me. I trust her as I am trusting my soul. Our bodies hold so much wisdom and know how to connect us back to Source. Lately my body wants potatoes, greens, and bread. I love the sourdough bread of San Francisco! Oh, not to forget chocolate chip/walnut oatmeal cookies..homemade. I let her have whatever it is as I trust that it is what I need. I hold my hands out at the market and whatever feels “right” to me, is what ends up in the basket. I cannot see the energy around the food as many can but I can feel it in my palms.

Hail on the windows, wow! Going to stand on the landing and feel this! I love being in this body on this earth.

Hearts Overflowing

This blossom represents to me our hearts, that are being opened by the light of love that is streaming onto our planet.

Hearts are overflowing with emotions these days. I am seeing it in my loved ones, as so much comes to the surface. Today my daughter and I each shed some tears as we moved through some old patterning. My sister said that she seems to cry all the time these days. My son came home depleted from work, I suggested a salt bath and a good cry while he was in it to let some of the tension drain away. It is more difficult for men in our culture to allow themselves the tears. I can recall a Friday afternoon at work, getting ready to head home after an intense week. My boss and I were speaking of an issue that had been troubling, I said, “I am going home to watch a sad movie and have a grand old cry.” He looked at me in amazement and replied, ” I wish that I could do that.” I wished that he could allow himself that release also. More than water is produced, there are actually chemicals released that help us shift our moods. It is interesting how more and more, science is proving what was thought to be simply stories or old wives’ tales, to be fact.

I believe that we have to learn to dance through this shift that is taking place. We have a few tools at our disposal: being in the moment, letting go of shoulds, expressing our truth, letting go of the why about life, taking a deep breath, accepting what is, expressing gratitude are some that come to mind . There are others but we are making much of this up as we go. I see it as a dance, moving back into a known series of steps here, exploring a new step there, finding that fun, taking a few more twirls, getting off balance, returning to the familiar to stabilize ourselves, a breath or two and then stepping out there in a new way once again.

In all this, we have to be so kind to ourselves and everyone around us. We have all lived through our own internal earthquakes and tsunamis. We can say, “I don’ t have it as bad as that person in Japan or that man in Libya.” Yet, our internal landscape is being uprooted and no one on the planet is immune at this time. We cannot tell by looking at someone, no matter how self assured an appearance they present, what they are currently dealing with. Dealing with losing your home is not worse than watching your loved one become lost in the fog of Alzheimer’s. Losing a dear pet is no less a loss than losing your business. You can say that there are degrees of loss or of difficulties but the heart feels it all as loss. Degrees do not matter, the heart registers pain. So, be gentle with yourselves in your losses, your letting gos. We are all going through it and even when it is some part of us that we are ready to release, there is still a grieving for what was. I think that we need to honor all that is going and honor ourselves as we move through this process. Kindness is the new currency of the land. It asks to be spent every day, on ourselves and others.

The love is streaming in, opening hearts far and wide. All the events on the world scene are working on our hearts, softening them, opening them. Our hearts are becoming entrained to one another. I participated in meditations this past week that had 50,000 people online all focused on emanating love for our brothers and sisters and for our Mother Gaia. Isn’t that amazing? So many people want to help, want to be of service, want to be a better human being. I have been praying in a way suggested by Dr. Emoto, the water crystal photographer and scientist from Japan. It is a simple practice, done in my kitchen each morning and night. It takes a few moments of time and yet, I believe that it is powerful. http://www.therainbowscribe.com/japandremotoprayer.htm

It is our intentions that make the difference. My daughter and I discovered that this morning as an old pattern came up, we were both feeling one another’s words as arrows when neither of us sent them that way. Once we cleared the old pattern that came up for release, and spoke of the intent held behind our words, we could clearly see the love that was being sent by each to the other. Our wounded aspects called them arrows but our hearts showed us how to see those perceived arrows as love. The wounds were drawn up to be healed and by staying present with one another, the healing happened. These are the moments to celebrate and recognize. We need much kindness and witnessing of one another as we stretch and contract, stretch and contract our way through this new landscape of the heart. Our hearts want to be clear vessels and are bringing everything that is blocking that pure love, to the surface to be healed.

Makes me think of Cupid with his arrows of love. Perhaps that story is pointing the way as the arrows that inflict pain to our heart, are sent in love (even if the sender does not know what he/she is doing) to awaken our hearts from their hiding. The pain is an awakener in a way that we do not really understand. I cry a couple/few times a day. Oft times it is in response to beauty as well as to sadness. I cry as my heart comes on line and I feel it more and more. It is so beautiful and I ache with that beauty. Our hearts are weaving a beautiful grid of light around our planet. We are connecting, heart to heart in new and magnificent ways. That is something beautiful to put our attention on, something worth opening our hearts’ doors to. We are becoming one tribe. The rainbow tribe of many colors that Little Grandmother Kiesha Crowther talks of. http://littlegrandmother.net/default.aspx (She is offering a meditation for Japan at 9am PST this Saturday, if you are interested.)

We are learning to witness one another’s pain from a place of neutrality as this allows the other to tap into their own strength and knowing. We can no longer see one another as victims as that energy no longer serves. We can offer our hearts, our aid in any way we feel called. We can honor one another for walking our walks. We can offer that larger, softer view that can see the new growth peeking out from under last year’s withered branches and leaves. The old must be cleared away as I used to do in the spring with my perennial plants, clipping off the old stalks so that the tiny new shoots could reach for the sun. We are all in need of a good pruning in this springtime of our lives. We want to blossom forth and show the world our beauty. Oh, the colors and new forms that are to appearing! I believe that we will harvest bouquets, this autumn, that have never been seen before. We are about to be dazzled by ourselves! So, I stand at the still point, honoring the losses, the letting go, the dramatic changes and the suffering as well as holding the knowing, deep in my heart, that there is new beauty being born.

Stillness and Knowing

This buddha sat in the garden of the B&B I stayed at with my sister in Mount Shasta.He knew what he was about sitting under his tree.

Today I am feeling so still. My heart is calling me inward more and more. I can feel another surge of energy moving through the earth. I KNOW that my part is to lie still and allow it to move through. This knowingness has been growing over the past couple of years but it has now exploded in every cell of my being. I KNOW that I had to be cut free from the time constraints of work and deadlines, the weight of many possessions, the responsibility of caring for pets, a garden, a home. All of those things take energy. My energy is caught up in my heart, I am to explore this inner landscape. I am to be a vessel through which energy can flow. That means that I have to continuously clear my vessel, clear old stuck energies to make room for the new to flow through. I want to present as transparent a vessel to my Mother/Father God each day as I can. This is my work, to be the window washer of my vessel and offer it up. I know that I am paving the way into a new way of being on the earth. It is a relief to know that I have a part to play and that I have set up my life in a way that supports me to play it. The comparisons to what others’ roles are, that used to taunt me, have fallen away. I have even gifted myself with a daughter who just brought me a yummy looking pink smoothie in a wine glass. She tells me that lunch will follow shortly. Lovely!

This knowingness will begin to emerge for everyone as their gifts become more apparent. We are witnessing the old earth crumbling beneath our feet and the new is being birthed. There is a clarity arising. We are asked to clear our hearts of old restricting emotions, clear our minds of limiting patterns and paradigms of how we are to live, clear our spaces of possessions that we no longer need or have use for. Everything is energy and we have a choice as to what energy is around us as well as what energies we carry inside of us. We can choose lightness or heaviness or somewhere in between.

I am hearing from many who are feeling overwhelmed by the demands of their daily lives. Everything is speeding up and intensifying. A few friends have shared that the only way that they exist at present is to stay in the moment. If they allow themselves to think, they become undone. I think that this is a sign of the times that folks are being forced into the moment. It is how we are to live, without the past nor the future pulling us. It is a part of this grand shift that we are all in. Eckhart Tolle spoke of the power of now in his book, years ago.

I am grateful for the knowingness flooding my being today. Grateful for the stillness that seems to be permeating the planet. This quiet love that is a force moving through everything. Hearts are uniting in this love, we have so yearned to be free to express our love. Tune in and you will see it and feel it around you. Grace is present on this earth of ours.

Same Day, New Insights

Shifting so fast as since we entered the last wave of the Mayan calendar, a year’s worth of days is now compressed into 20 days. So it makes sense that my perspective would shift in a day or hourly as that is a period of days in our old world.

Spoke with my sister about this morning’s shift around my preparedness shopping. She laughed and said, “You cannot hold fear in your being for long enough to get out the door, no less on an entire shopping trip!” We laughed as I knew that it was true. I have stepped out of that vibration for anything more than a moment. I felt guided to buy the stuff, did not feel panic around it nor any sense that I would be using it. Rather that I was to do it. That was it. Just like when I would be driving around the country and feel guided to go in some direction…no judgment of it. I simply followed. My heart does lead the way these days. And it has its own reasons that can be entirely mysterious to me. I want her to lead me more and more so I pay attention. I trust her to lead me home to my higher self. To lead me home to God. I greet each day with some curiosity as to where she will take me. Today it was the ocean with wild waves and wind. I came home with sand plastered on my face, I looked and felt sandblasted!

So the old notion that I stressed for my kids of knowing why you are doing something, no
longer really works. It is that mental construct that believes that if we line up all the facts, add a to b, we will come out with c. Now we may end up with z! The heart has its own system that is feeling based and love based. It operates from unity consciousness and moves in new ways that the mind can find pretty mysterious. To me, it puts the joy back in life. I trust that all is well and I free up so much of that mental chatter space that used my energy to try to make this happen and that not happen. Mind you, (oh that is funny!) it was all thought going on pretty much non-stop in my mind, believing that it could change outcomes. If I worry about him, I will help him. Yikes, how did we believe that? I did for a long time. Now I feel such peace as I know that we all shift and move in the perfect time. It is not my job to be involved with anyone else’s movement in life. I am in charge of my life, period. I can witness and acknowledge others’ steps but not direct them.

I was thinking of playing a game of cards, (which makes me think that would be fun to do,
haven’t in years it seems) and how you sometimes get a winning hand. You celebrate and then throw your winning cards back into the pile to be reshuffled. You are back in the game, you may get a good hand or a bad one, but you are playing. I was thinking of how I hung on to this last love that was so big in my life. I had a winning hand, celebrated it and then refused

to throw my cards back in to be reshuffled. Somehow I thought that if I just held on to them, the winning hand would return. It is the same if we draw a poor hand. We don’t refuse to play on and bemoan the fact that we drew a poor hand. I want to throw my cards back on the table and draw some new ones. I need to allow the game to go on. I want to be playing at this life on all levels, in every moment. So, deal me in!

Laughing at Myself

This image was taken from the observation tower of the De Young Art Museum. For me, it is a new perspective on a reflecting pool. When I can gain some distance from my actions, I can discover a new view that allows a shift into a new way of being. I am grateful for these shifts, for all the myriad ways that they come to me. They allow me to see my beauty and life anew.

What a weekend! Storms and sunshine, energy streaming in. I had a beautiful first day of Spring, took a walk to the local park where the playground was under water and the ground was muddy but folks were out enjoying the sunshine. Joined in some equinox meditations online, spoke with a couple of dear friends, enjoyed time with my son. Felt that this was a day to remember as we are witnessing the birth of the New Earth. It felt a sacred and holy weekend to me.

This morning, a friend’s blog post helped shift me out of my recent fear provoked preparedness actions. I did not believe that I was operating out of fear as I have not felt that something would happen yet what did prompt my actions? There had to have been a kernel of fear that was activated. Here is the blog post that has given me a good laugh and shake this morning: http://pristine-lens.blogspot.com/2011/03/creating-your-signs.html

Whew, another lesson under my belt! My daughter came in fresh from her weekend away and ribbed me a bit about it. All of my kids had wondered at my actions and humored me along. My daughter pointed out that folks love the adrenaline rush of preparedness. Of thinking of disasters and survival and pitting themselves against the elements. Yes, there was that old hit of adrenaline that kicked in. I lived most of my life addicted to that way of being. Always on the alert, hyper aware of everything and everyone so as to be able to spring into action. It is a fear based operating system that we are moving out of as a society. Most of us do not live in a world where the tiger is going to eat us but our fears course through our bodies with that same rush of chemicals that say our lives are in danger. This leads to all sorts of stress induced illnesses. I have found that moving out of the adrenaline reaction (for the most part!) has felt like a void of sorts. The neutral place takes some getting used to as it felt so foreign to me. It is where I want to live though as it is where peace has the opportunity to reside.

So, the stuff. My daughter pointed out that it will come in handy for summer camping. She wants the water purifying pills and duffel bag for her upcoming trip to Mexico, the mini lantern and stove are camping items that I left back east and needed to replace for this summer’s trips. Yes, our pantry is full but we do go through beans, rice and nuts pretty quickly as the kids are so athletic and active that they consume a lot of fuel. Now we can just go to the local market for our daily vegies to add to the mix.

So, all is well that ends well. I love getting shifts in my paradigms and thought process. It reminded me of a mantra I had with my kids growing up, take action but know why you are taking an action. Be conscious of what is driving you. Not easy to do at times as this recent action of mine pointed out. If I felt the need to prepare, I was believing that I would not always have enough. My life for the past few years has been about walking that trust walk, believing that I am always provided for. So continual refining and shifting the layers to bring all of me into alignment with me. Loving myself when I veer, reassuring myself when a new layer of fear is unearthed.

I am getting many experiences of late that are reminding me to tune in more closely to the voice of my soul. To hone my discernment and come into greater alignment with myself. My ego that gets attached to the idea of being “awakened” , gets shook up and I can laugh at myself. This has been happening more and more these past few weeks as I move out of duality and into the oneness. A step forward, two back, then three forward and back again. It is the dance of life as we move closer and closer to our essence. We are birthing ourselves now and it is all new uncharted territory. We are pioneers of our interior landscapes and it takes fortitude and courage to move ever onward.

We are seeing earthquakes and uprisings in the external world. It is a mirror of our internal worlds. We are shifting and changing at an amazing rate. Clearing and releasing and learning to be. Who knew that at the age of 55 , I would have the chance to be reborn. What a privilege. I am grateful for each moment of it!

Full Moon Waves of Energy

My son and I went to do our laundry this morning. The treat for me was having time to linger at the flower shop next door.I love flowers! One of these beautiful bouquets came home with me today as well as one for our neighbors as a happy Spring wish. There is also a coffee shop and internet available in the front of the laundry mat so it is as pleasant an experience as one could want. We had driven to our favorite bakery for the almond croissants that melt in your mouth so were well armed with our coffee, croissants and internet to pass the time.

Almost time for bed, 11:11 as I begin this post. Numbers are speaking to me frequently this week. What a weekend! The energies continue to stream in in mighty waves. I feel
humbled, awed by what is transpiring within us and without. Today I have ridden waves of joy, waves of grief, waves of bliss, waves of intense electrical energy. The power just blinked out and back again. Thunder, lightening and rain pounding outside. No full moon viewing tonight. Glad to have my candles lit, glad for the fragrance of the flowers that I bought today, filling the room. Glad to have acted on my inner prompting of the past couple of days to get some supplies in

Turning My Heartlight On

The photo shows how the flowers are meant to express the painting. Tall, elegant bouquet of white to go with the elegant lady in white. How fun is that! Imagine a whole exhibit!

Interesting day. I began by attending the 7am Spiritual Warrior class at the local yoga studio. I was the only student. The instructor and I chanted through our chakras and meditated. I felt peace and joy. He said that he had spent the last 25 years with his guru and was now taking this information out into the world. He said a few things that did not resonate with me, about asking for the light to descend and how his guru could do that but others might not. I said, “We can all invoke the light. We call it forth as we are masters.” He invited me to a retreat with his other classes this weekend for the full moon and equinox. I had put out the intention of wanting to gather with others this weekend so I was interested that this invitation came to connecting with other like minded souls. The guru aspect felt old to me which seems to have the effect of making me tired. Ah, a good clue when I am in old energies.

I had a lovely conversation with my elder son about the feelings of joy and well being that we were both experiencing. He was finalizing his leave from his job to have time to be in nature and attune more to this next phase of who he is and what he is called to. He is a druid of old and feels the nature spirits calling him. We both felt high from our conversation. He was delighted how the universe was supporting him to make this move by providing a partially paid leave of absence for a period of months. He was full of gratitude and excitement. He could now be fully engaged in his new role on the planet.

Read of earthquake being predicted for this weekend in California. I live in San Francisco so it comes close to home. Feeling the intense energies coursing through my body, need for extra food, rest. Anxiety, head, body pressure had been building. Yet, this overwhelming feeling of well being coursing through me. Knowing that I came here for this time, to be a force of calm and peace. To be the still point. Knowing that it would never be as hard or as lonely again. That despite earth changes, we were out of the density and moving into oneness. A sense of elation at that thought. A feeling that I am in my right place and prepared for what is to come.

Instructor from class this a.m. stating that the heart chakra of the planet had been moved from India to the West Coast of North America. Recalling being given the message in Sedona that I was to head to San Francisco to connect a heart line with my daughter and a friend to Hawaii and Mount Shasta. Told that my daughter was one anchoring the heart in San Francisco. When I was shown on my travels that I was free to once again return to the west coast, I heard; “Flow the rivers of forgiveness along the coast to hold it.”

I was to meet a friend to visit a museum to see an exhibit of floral designs created to match some of the paintings. Truly a special exhibit. I watched myself do some unusual things: get in for free by posing as this friend’s wife at his behest, leave earlier than I wanted to as the others wanted to go, and eating lunch in a dark interior space when my soul was craving the sun outdoors. Observing.

Had a walk in the park and was very tired when I arrived home. I had a fun phone conversation with a friend who loves to play and dance with the energies. She said something that resonated again for me: “I am done learning things. I am here to play and dance and breathe.” I know that it is in being in my joy, that I am of the most service to life. My heart has been on fire these past couple of days. an almost exquisite pain. It is so present in my chest, heartlight. I am learning to shine my heart light! That phrase has been with me as my inner theme song for about a year now. I created a piece of art around this theme. Now I am actually experiencing it!

I watched some sense of judgment appear about how I had conducted my day. “How could you get out of alignment so quickly! You have to tune in to you, no one else’s agenda.” I watched these thoughts arise. Felt them go through me, recognized them as thoughts, not who I am and let them go. The whole day felt dreamy to me, like I was being led along with almost no will of my own, carried on some stream. Again, I observed all this like a spectator.

Saw my daughter for a few moments before she was heading off for a long weekend. She was feeling very anxious. We talked about grounding, staying in her heart and taking very good care of herself, nurturing herself. Quiet evening with my younger son. We had pizza and cookies and watched a funny movie. We talked about pulling back some of his energy from work to focus on his creative endeavors. Reflected back his own power and influence to him and why his boss might feel threatened by his creativity. Spoke of his movement from the 40 hour a week to fewer hours as a transition into the life he is dreaming into being. Fun to then read an article on empowerment from Steve Rother and the group that he channels. http://lightworker.com/beacons/2011/2011_03-Empowerment.php

that was very powerful for me. It spoke of stepping out of duality this equinox. We are in a new time, being birthed as new beings. We have lived in this duality for so long. It spoke of polarity and how if I have a strong belief about what is good, then in that, I am activating what is evil. They are the extremes on a continuum. I have been observing myself feeling neutral about all the happenings in the world. I do not watch the news or videos of Japa
n or anywhere else so the images are not in my mind. I wondered at myself, was my compassion gone? Yet, I can stand embracing Japan and shine my heartlight and know that it is a searchlight, it is an immense power. It has moved me to tears and to awe. The activation asked us to accept Lucifer into our hearts and thank him for his role in creating the duality that allowed us to believe in our separation from Source. He and Archangel Michael are brothers who played the opposite ends of the continuum, the light and the dark, and are now merging as we embrace unity consciousness. This took a few inbreathes to absorb yet I knew it as truth. I surrendered my limiting beliefs and watched as so much came up to be released.

This new way of seeing the world, through the lens of neutrality is exciting something in my core. I feel the vibration of the truth of it for me. So if I am not radiating peace, as I do not want to activate its opposite, war, what am I doing? How do I drop my old programming? There is only one answer. It is love. I am love. There is no opposite to love. I do not have to send light, I do not have to send healing. I do not have to figure it out. It is so simple it makes me laugh!
I am love. I go inward and connect to my Mother/Father God and their heart. I am a cell in that heart. I feel that connection and move my personality out of the way. I allow the love to flow through me and I use my will to amplify it. I am literally turning my heart light on. It is staying on for longer periods of time. I believe that it will stay on non-stop with my focus. I am love. It is what I am made for. I am good at this. It is my joy. It is my delight. To be love, no matter what anyone else is doing or being. I chose to be love today.

Interesting day. Conclusion: no groups for now, sunshine means nature time, quiet loving time with my kids is enriching. Small world=enough for now. Time in my heart is the new playground.