Being scrubbed clean

Sunday evening, apartment is clean in preparation for a visit from my sister. There is much to look forward to this week. Yet, today I have felt a bit out of sorts all day. I am witnessing myself. Not feeling unhappy, nor sad but not joyful either. Neutral is the best I can come up with. I have learned that it is not always my energy that I am feeling. Checking in on that. I did wake up this morning from a dream where I was judging someone for their actions. I was arguing that the person’s actions fell into the “unacceptable” category. That I would not be judging him except that his behavior had crossed over the line that I held in my mind. It was interesting to me as even in the dream, I was aware how silly that argument was. I do not judge others except when I judge their actions to be ones needing my judgment. What??

I was grateful that I am doing some of this releasing of these old patterns in my sleep so as to not have to outpicture them during the day with others. It feels like this cleansing process is hitting the dregs down deep and really scrubbing us clean. I like that visual, getting right down to the bottom of that garbage can. You know how you empty the trash and put a new bag in the can. Time after time you empty the bag and insert a new one to be filled up. At some point, you have to actually scrub the can as bits of debris and garbage get lodged there. That is what I picture taking place right now. We are being scrubbed clean from the bottom up. Every nook and cranny is being scoured. It will feel so good to sit in our shiny selves just as I love being in the energy when my living environment is clean from top to bottom.

I bought a gardenia from the flower shop. The young man wrapped it in clear cellophane and sprinkled drops of water inside. It looked like a corsage, the water drops sparkling. I carried it home and unwrapped it, took this beautiful blue and white dish out of the cupboard, added a bit of water and carefully set the gardenia afloat. The fragrance is intoxicating. For $1.50, I gifted myself with a sensory pleasure.

I can live on that for my day. One hit of beauty and all is well.

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