Free ourselves from the matrix through our hearts

I awoke with the words: “You are in the matrix but can free yourself through your heart. Remember this!”

Earlier in the night (yes I wake up at all hours of the night) I realized that I had been with my higher self who was orchestrating a meeting with myself. She was showing me how something would look from one perspective but I must understand it from another. Folks would say no but I had to firmly say yes and let it be, knowing the bigger plan.
It made me realize how topsy turvy this world has been. We have been trained to function in the matrix, not to free ourselves from it.

Look at what is valued and rewarded in our culture. It is producing physical things and honoring physical activities. If I write a book, run five miles, take care of my car, then I believe that I have value. I have the right to feel good as I have accomplished something.
If instead I lay on the couch and daydream, working in the inner realms of my being, it is seen as having no value. Working to heal my inner wounds, my places of resistance to the present moment, searching out areas of my heart that are not open, these are not given much value in our world. I have “wasted time” and therefore should feel guilty, and strive to not do it again any time soon. It has taken me years to value who I am in my beingness without an identity based on a role or occupation. I can recall lying on my couch in my first apartment of my own after my divorce and saying over and over to myself, “You are safe, you are safe.” I felt so untethered, so adrift with no anchoring points. Fortunately I had a huge redwood tree outside my window and he seemed to lend his strength to me or shelter me as the very least. I felt held by him at times.

I recall my older son telling me this years ago when he was a little boy who loved to daydream. He would often disappear and I went looking for him. He was sittting high up in a tree that we had a rope swing attached to. He was almost invisible, sitting in a comfy spot amongst the branches. I was calling him in to complete some task. He looked down at me and said, ” Mommy, it is ok to do nothing sometimes. It is good to just sit.”
I could not hear those words at that time in a meaningful way. But he was pointing the way as he continues to do so for me.

We are waking up to the fact that our inner reality creates our outer reality. This is true on a personal level as well as a planetary level. So we have it backwards! We have been struggling to change our outer reality from outside, through physical activities. Yet in truth, we have to change from the inside out.

I remember the days of working so hard, so many responsibilites and a to do list that never ended. I felt trapped. Time was always fleeting. Life felt dark and troubled. I believed firmly in the illusion before me and could not see any other realities or options except to grit my teeth each morning and go as hard and fast as I could until I collapsed into bed at night. Yikes! How I survived all those years of living that way is a sign of grace to me. That way of life leads to burnout and collapse which is what happened to me.

As we go within and connect to Source energy, we are renewed and inspired from our authentic selves. We can enter into timeless spaces. I read that one good determination of your mind set is if time seems to be moving too fast, you are caught in the matrix. If you feel that you have all the time in the world to take a breath, to move with grace, to offer a prayer, to flow through your life, you are in your heart. You are in the universal flow of grace and love that surrounds us always.

I am chosing more and more to live in my heart, to see with my heart, think with my heart. It is so much softer and more fluid. It is full of feminine grace. The old mind way of leading my life feels sharper and harder and more masculine. I know that I have been blessed to have this time out of time to move through this personal transformation. In many ways, it would have been easier to have a job, a role to label myself with. But, that was not to be my path.

These days I am trusting my heart more, trusting that as strange as my life may look from the outside, it is the one that I have been called to live. My higher self knows the reason behind it all. I do not. I will continue to trust my heart and follow where she leads me.

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