Today my sister and I helped one another (yet again! have to love a sister) shift our perspective. She was telling me that one of the reasons that she wanted to spend Friday night with her boyfriend rather than going out with some girlfriends, was because if she was with him she would not smoke. She has been focused on quitting but had had a few cigarettes lately. She used the phrase, “I was bad and smoked.”
I told her, “You are not bad, that was not bad. It is neutral. Not bad or good. Just a cigarette or two. You are already done with cigarettes, they are on the way out of your life. You are not a smoker.”
Peggy could feel the ease of that, how she felt better by taking off the negative label and not judging herself as bad. Then she proceeded to return the favor when I spoke of loving myself and being ready to have someone in my life who also loved themselves.
I said, “I feel that I have healed that part of me that did not love myself . I had thought that I was done with those old aspects but I did bring Joe into my world and he struggled with loving himself as well as loving me.”
Peggy said, “That does not feel right. I do not agree with that at all. I think it was more about continuing an old pattern of being a caretaker. You wanted to care for him.”
That did resonate more deeply. I have been a caretaker all my life. I am loving myself more each day, certainly there was an element of that non-loving in that relationship on my part but it was not the major player. Hmmm…nice to shift and feel a lightening. To be gentler with ourselves. To accept all of our actions as moving us to more awareness, more love.
I was then able to see the beauty of my present situation, living as I am with two of my children. Certainly, motherhood represented a huge caretaking role for me. I did it with 100% of my focus. I homeschooled the three kids for eight years, was with them 24/7. Seems amazing when I look back. So now, I am with my son and daughter and we are enjoying stepping out of our former roles. Sometimes they are the ones caring for me and sometimes I am the one caring for them. Truly we are in that love vibration where we care for one another as we would like to be cared for. The roles have dropped away and my caretaking is focused more on myself. It is more balanced and feels so good!
I love how we are moved to embracing more of our truth, more of our essence. I thought that I would be here for a few days, it has been almost three months. I love being able to see how my higher self is always moving me to greater growth and awareness. Here she is, ( dear Sophia, my I AM Presence) helping me step out of an old ingrained paradigm. So instead of thinking poorly of myself for some reason, a simple shift of perspective can make it lighter and quicker to move forward.
We are all so dear! We strive to be good, to do good, to feel good. We can look at any situation from a multitude of persepectives. I am going to continue to search for the one that feels lighter and more joyful! That way I am adding to the joy of the world and not the weight.